Search found 534 matches

by Newme
Sun Jan 13, 2019 9:24 pm
Forum: Support
Topic: Infantilization of the mind
Replies: 24
Views: 622

Re: Infantilization of the mind

This just came to me from another thread, I think the innate desire to have our reasons for unbelief validated by the tribe might be a sign of infantilization. We tie our self worth to what the "parent" figure thinks of us whether that is the church leader, other members, or real parents. I think t...
by Newme
Sat Jan 12, 2019 5:49 pm
Forum: Support
Topic: Ruined relationships
Replies: 42
Views: 1055

Re: Ruined relationships

Lithium Sunset wrote:
Fri Jan 04, 2019 6:02 pm
Thanks for checking in. Hope it all works out and you find a more fulfilling and peaceful life. Hang in there.
Thank you.
I’m hanging in there. There’s a lot of good - I’m trying to focus on.
by Newme
Sat Jan 12, 2019 5:48 pm
Forum: Support
Topic: Ruined relationships
Replies: 42
Views: 1055

Re: Ruined relationships

I can see your point of wanting to work on yourself so that you don’t just repeat and marry another narcissist or someone with equal problems. And I guess it doesn’t matter if you do it while sharing a house with your husband. I am glad you have a plan you are working on. Thanks, Alas. Assuming you...
by Newme
Sat Jan 12, 2019 5:45 pm
Forum: Support
Topic: Ruined relationships
Replies: 42
Views: 1055

Re: Ruined relationships

I am divorced Newme. I waited until my children were grown. I don't have any counterpoint to compare against, saying its easier now than later. But I will tell you a few things that were part of my pathway: 1. When we announced the divorce to the children, they didn't even blink. They all said, aft...
by Newme
Sat Jan 12, 2019 5:22 pm
Forum: Support
Topic: Ruined relationships
Replies: 42
Views: 1055

Re: Ruined relationships

Thanks for all of the support - it helps!
by Newme
Fri Jan 04, 2019 11:27 am
Forum: Support
Topic: Ruined relationships
Replies: 42
Views: 1055

Re: Ruined relationships

I'm so sorry Newme. This is heartbreaking to read. I have a few thoughts that may or may not be helpful. Family relationships, spouse relationships, etc. are so complicated. I'll give you my thoughts from my life perspective. My father is a serial cheater on my mom. The first one was awful (long te...
by Newme
Fri Jan 04, 2019 11:18 am
Forum: Support
Topic: Ruined relationships
Replies: 42
Views: 1055

Re: Ruined relationships

This is such a tough thread to read but it rings true for so many of us. I hope you can find some boundaries as others have said and find a way to either make it work in your marriage that you can be happy with, or find a way to split where you can be amicable and give your kids the best environmen...
by Newme
Fri Jan 04, 2019 11:15 am
Forum: Support
Topic: Ruined relationships
Replies: 42
Views: 1055

Re: Ruined relationships

I have vivid memories of many years of awful painful moments, dealing with a cheating narcissistic spouse and divorce with three kids. I'm glad I wasn't going through my faith crisis on top of it! I would try to use the affair card with your TBM family. They may still put the blame on your faith cr...
by Newme
Fri Jan 04, 2019 11:08 am
Forum: Support
Topic: Ruined relationships
Replies: 42
Views: 1055

Re: Ruined relationships

DH had taken her son on a trip to the area where the affair was. ??? Im with Moksha on this one? There was an affair? Is this ongoing? It amazes me how somethings get swept under the carpet when its the elephant in the room. Tour trip. He said it was platonic, but they were holding hands and he had...
by Newme
Fri Jan 04, 2019 11:01 am
Forum: Support
Topic: Ruined relationships
Replies: 42
Views: 1055

Re: Ruined relationships

Studies have documented that there is one thing even more damaging to kids than parents divorcing and that is parents staying together for the kids. It is the parents not getting along that damages kids, not whether they do it in one house or two. When the parents are in one house, there is more fi...
by Newme
Fri Jan 04, 2019 10:52 am
Forum: Support
Topic: Ruined relationships
Replies: 42
Views: 1055

Re: Ruined relationships

Hagoth wrote:
Sun Dec 30, 2018 9:33 am
It is astounding that unwillingness to perform illicit Masonic rituals is valued over marriage fidelity. Hugs and best wishes, Newme!
Exactly! Thanks, Hagoth.
by Newme
Fri Jan 04, 2019 10:49 am
Forum: Support
Topic: Ruined relationships
Replies: 42
Views: 1055

Re: Ruined relationships

This is really a difficult situation for you and I wish there was some other way to offer aid. But, I can't. You're about to embark on the most complicated and emotionally painful year of your life. Your Soon-To-Be-Ex has the perfect excuse to attract all of the sympathy to him because of his faith...
by Newme
Fri Jan 04, 2019 10:34 am
Forum: Support
Topic: Ruined relationships
Replies: 42
Views: 1055

Re: Ruined relationships

So sorry newme, I am also in a mixed faith marriage that is all but dead so I know what you are going through. My greatest triumph is when I am able to tune all the TBMs out even in church. Keep posting here to keep your sanity!!! You have an extended family here. God Bless. Thanks! Yes, at times, ...
by Newme
Fri Jan 04, 2019 10:22 am
Forum: Support
Topic: Ruined relationships
Replies: 42
Views: 1055

Re: Ruined relationships

I am glad you are aware of codependency. Once you move past codependency you maybe able to leave the marriage or once you leave, you may be able to get past it. Why are you staying with him? Do you honestly believe that is what is best for the children? Is it money? Your family sucks.... not much m...
by Newme
Fri Jan 04, 2019 10:09 am
Forum: Support
Topic: Ruined relationships
Replies: 42
Views: 1055

Re: Ruined relationships

sorry to hear that. situation sounds unsustainable. as you have not asked for advice I will abstain. FWIW it seems you are acting nobly in a terrible dynamic. It's good to have somewhere to vent, even if it is in cyberspace. Thanks. It is a priceless gift to get support here. Better than therapy! T...
by Newme
Fri Jan 04, 2019 10:06 am
Forum: Support
Topic: Ruined relationships
Replies: 42
Views: 1055

Re: Ruined relationships

All I can say is: I believe many of us are in the same situation relationship wise. One of the ways I deal with it is: This is where I've ended up after a lifetime of stupid decisions based purely on emotions (or lack thereof.) A lifetime of trying to get direction from a ghost . It is what it is, ...
by Newme
Fri Jan 04, 2019 10:00 am
Forum: Support
Topic: Ruined relationships
Replies: 42
Views: 1055

Re: Ruined relationships

I'm very sorry for all the hard things your family is putting you through. Mormons suck at boundaries. I understand staying for the kids, but what's bad for kids is parents fighting and the antagonism that often comes with divorce. Is there an option to get a divorce with a good coparenting relatio...
by Newme
Fri Jan 04, 2019 9:51 am
Forum: Support
Topic: Ruined relationships
Replies: 42
Views: 1055

Re: Ruined relationships

I feel your pain - I'm in a mixed-faith marriage with kids as well, and have also been given the lecture about "not keeping my covenants". Keeping covenants??!!?? I had no idea what covenants I would be asked to make in the temple, if I had known the polygamous nature of the "new and everlasting co...
by Newme
Fri Jan 04, 2019 9:43 am
Forum: Support
Topic: Ruined relationships
Replies: 42
Views: 1055

Re: Ruined relationships

moksha wrote:
Sun Dec 30, 2018 4:27 am
Newme wrote:
Sat Dec 29, 2018 9:12 am
DH had taken her son on a trip to the area where the affair was.
???
DH was/is a tour guide.
by Newme
Sat Dec 29, 2018 10:02 am
Forum: Support
Topic: Ruined relationships
Replies: 42
Views: 1055

Re: Ruined relationships

This stuff just sucks. I dont even know what to say. Just find peace internally, set boundaries, and dont let them get to you. If you cant take it when they cross your boundaries you get to choose to disengage with them. Thanks. Boundaries are important - I’m learning. Internal peace is a good goal.