Coming back to say hello!

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Galileo
Posts: 11
Joined: Tue Jun 20, 2017 7:08 am

Coming back to say hello!

Post by Galileo »

Hello everyone,

I am the great Galileo (from NOM boards past). I think the last time I logged onto NOM was probably around 2009. Out of the blue, I decided I should share my story on the board in the hopes that it might help someone else going through what I’ve gone through. Sorry - this is going to be a long post...

A bit of background on me… I was raised in a TBM family in the heartland. Almost everyone in both extended families were (and still are) TBM. I went on a mission. I got back from the mission, and before I even had time to undergo my “normalization” (readjusting back into normal society), I met my future spouse. I proposed within weeks and we were married in the temple within months. It was only a couple months after that that I began to really question the whole church thing.

I gradually “came out” as a “general christian” to my very understanding Bishop and my not so enthused wife. Eventually I realized I was lying. I wasn’t Christian. I was agnostic. I attended a Unitarian Universalist church a few times but it didn’t seem like my “home”. They weren’t my “people” - my “tribe”. Mormons were. It was rough. We tried to make the marriage work, but after around two years of marriage, we split up and filed for divorce.

We had no kids at the time. I “came out” to my family and grandparents. With the divorce pending and my family abandoning me (from my point of view) en masse, I decided to really “buckle down” and pray hard and study the scriptures. I was at a fork in the road, and I really didn’t want to make the wrong decision here. I needed to know if it was true. Unfortunately I came to the conclusion through study and prayer that it was true. I was back on God’s path. My wife and I got back together (the divorce hadn’t finalized). My family embraced me again and said “welcome back”. Within weeks of getting back together, I knew I had make a mistake.

For the next 6 years, I remained undercover. We had three kids. I knew I was digging myself into a hole. I contemplated suicide many times, but of course never could or would for my kids’ sakes. Eventually I decided to come out to my wife as atheist. She said she knew I was, and that she knew I was “undercover” all these years. I decided to come out as atheist to all my friends and family. Everyone was much more supportive this time around.

It’s one thing to love and support a friend or family member for being atheist. It’s another to be TBM and be married to one. My wife tried. I tried. But it just wasn’t going to work out long term and we got a divorce (finalized this time).

Fast forward… I’m now openly atheist (not in your face… but if it comes up) to everyone I know. Since then, I have found someone I truly love and we are getting married this fall. It is rough not being with my kids all of the time, and it is sad that they are victims in all of this. But I knew I wouldn’t last in that marriage for too many more years, and I decided doing this while my kids were young was better than waiting until they were older. I haven’t regretted the decision once. I have finally found happiness after so many years of being in the church.

Hopefully my story can help someone in some way. I remember many years of extreme darkness - not seeing a way out of all of this. I made it through to the end, and there is a lot of joy to be had on the other side. I’m not bitter toward the church or my ex-wife or any family members. My relationship with all of my family is great. My only regret is that I wasted so many years in hiding. Everyone’s situation is different, and I hesitate to offer any advice to anyone. But if I were to offer advice, it would be this: Lying to yourself and/or others about who you really are will only bring heartache and sorrow… tell the truth and be open to all, as soon as you can muster the courage, consequences be damned.

Have a good day everyone!
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Hagoth
Posts: 7251
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 1:13 pm

Re: Coming back to say hello!

Post by Hagoth »

Welcome back Galileo! Great to have you back on NOM. I think I was just coming on board about the time you were fading. I hope you'll stay.
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."
Corsair
Posts: 3080
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 9:58 am
Location: Phoenix

Re: Coming back to say hello!

Post by Corsair »

We are glad you found your way back. It's great to hear from people that have some history with the old board. Are you planning to be associated with any church at all? Do your children know your belief status?
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Red Ryder
Posts: 4174
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 5:14 pm

Re: Coming back to say hello!

Post by Red Ryder »

Welcome back.

Glad to hear stories of people that make it out to the other side.
“It always devolves to Pantaloons. Always.” ~ Fluffy

“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga

“Those who do not move do not notice their chains.” ~Rosa Luxemburg
Galileo
Posts: 11
Joined: Tue Jun 20, 2017 7:08 am

Re: Coming back to say hello!

Post by Galileo »

Glad to be back!

I felt like on the old board, I was just "taking" - I had nothing to contribute. I needed everyone else's guidance or stories to help me. Now I feel like I may actually be able to contribute, should anyone need help and feel like asking.
Corsair wrote: Wed Jun 21, 2017 9:45 am Are you planning to be associated with any church at all? Do your children know your belief status?
My exploratory phase was really just me searching out other religions because I felt like society expects someone to be religious, or at least "spiritual". I've since moved on from caring what others think, and I've realized that I just am flat out not a spiritual person. Like - zero. There is no spirituality in my bones. There is physics, quantum mechanics, logic, etc, and there is emotion, caring, empathy, etc, but there is no spirituality, at least in the way I define it. I have practiced some Zen Buddhism in the past, although I consider that more of a philosophy than a religion. If I do end up being associated with anything long term, it will be Buddhism for sure. My city has a small but tight-knit group that practices on a regular basis.

My oldest is only 6 years, so the belief thing has only recently come up. It came up in the form of "Daddy, how come when we are with you we don't go to church, but we do with Mom?" My answer was a generic "Some people decide not to go to church." I guess I will still be asking for people's advice or stories when it comes to children, because as they get older I'll run into these issues more and more.
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Linked
Posts: 1554
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 4:04 pm

Re: Coming back to say hello!

Post by Linked »

Welcome back Galileo! It sounds like things have worked out pretty well, that's great. It's nice to hear from people who still have decent relationships with their families, I am hoping I can be one of them too.

I look forward to your posts.
"I would write about life. Every person would be exactly as important as any other. All facts would also be given equal weightiness. Nothing would be left out. Let others bring order to chaos. I would bring chaos to order" - Kurt Vonnegut
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SeeNoEvil
Posts: 413
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 10:41 am

Re: Coming back to say hello!

Post by SeeNoEvil »

Welcome back! Thank you for your story. It's great to see your life is back on track! And will we see the future Mrs. Galileo here on NOM?
Last edited by SeeNoEvil on Wed Jun 28, 2017 8:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.
"Every event that has taken place in this universe has led you to this moment.
... The real question is, what will you do with this moment?" - Unknown

"Never arrive @ a point where you know everything - Korihor57
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GoodBoy
Posts: 410
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 8:32 pm

Re: Coming back to say hello!

Post by GoodBoy »

Galileo wrote: Tue Jun 20, 2017 7:46 pmLying to yourself and/or others about who you really are will only bring heartache and sorrow… tell the truth and be open to all, as soon as you can muster the courage, consequences be damned.
Thanks for this. Something to think about...
Always been the good kid, but I wanted to know more, and to find and test truth.
Corsair
Posts: 3080
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 9:58 am
Location: Phoenix

Re: Coming back to say hello!

Post by Corsair »

GoodBoy wrote: Sat Jun 24, 2017 1:41 pm
Galileo wrote: Tue Jun 20, 2017 7:46 pmLying to yourself and/or others about who you really are will only bring heartache and sorrow… tell the truth and be open to all, as soon as you can muster the courage, consequences be damned.
Thanks for this. Something to think about...
I have long suspected that Community of Christ did think exactly this and went through painful schism on their way to a diminished, but functional church.
Galileo
Posts: 11
Joined: Tue Jun 20, 2017 7:08 am

Re: Coming back to say hello!

Post by Galileo »

SeeNoEvil wrote: Fri Jun 23, 2017 8:15 am And will we see the future Mrs. Galileo her on NOM?
The future Mrs. Galileo is Catholic (doesn't really practice). If she got on this board, she would be like... "WTF?!? These Mormon's are crazier than I thought!!!"
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AllieOop
Posts: 582
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 9:39 am
Location: Where the sand meets the Sea...

Re: Coming back to say hello!

Post by AllieOop »

Welcome back and thanks for the update! Congratulations on your upcoming marriage :)

So, where are your kids now regarding their beliefs and the church?
"There came a time when the desire to know the truth about the church became stronger than the desire to know the church was true."
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