It's been a while

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mylittlefactory
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Oct 19, 2016 2:14 pm

It's been a while

Post by mylittlefactory » Fri Aug 11, 2017 4:19 pm

I was on the original board as "shockeddude". I joined here after Thayne ignored all of the begging that everyone did to capture the old content. That was a sad loss for me because it was a sort of journal of my life during a very tough time. The old board contained my feelings at the time that my wife, after sensing antagonistic feelings from me regarding church things, asked me "do you even believe anymore?" I cried and told her that I had lost my faith. Also lost in the old board are my raw thoughts and feelings a month later when I came out to my wife as gay. We've had a crazy ride for the past several years. Since then, I've sent kids on missions, been there for them for their temple weddings and have stayed quiet, all the while, in my disbelief and sexuality. My anger phase ended a while ago, so I've played along for my sweet wife, an amazing woman. She's the only person on the planet that I do this for. She's shown me so much love and acceptance, that I don't want to rock her world more than I already have. Even though our situation is very complicated, I really feel like it's sustainable except for one thing. It's not even my sexuality, actually. The faith stuff is such an elephant in the room. She used to ask me "how are you doing" after a difficult conference talk or a church memo or policy. I know she doesn't like to talk about it, she wants it all to go away. So, now it gets ignored. My dream is for me to just support her for Sacrament meeting and quietly fade away at church as a less active person that they leave alone. I'm not sure how that can ever happen because the Mormon dream doesn't seem to list that as an option. Anyhow, I'm close in real life with several of the contributors on here. I've never met more thoughtful, accepting and loving people in life. This group has embraced me and given me wonderful advice and support. I look forward to participating a little more again!

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Emower
Posts: 401
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 10:35 pm

Re: It's been a while

Post by Emower » Fri Aug 11, 2017 4:45 pm

I'm crossing my fingers that my slow fade into the background is working. I go to SM to support and fade out. My wife has given me all the space in the universe to make my way through life. She just wants to be with me and not feel like I am demanding anything out of her. It seems to work for us. For now. We have some milestones coming up that I dread. But its a ways off.

The ignoring is hard. I'm sorry. But it is a great group that we have here. I look forward to your perspectives on stuff.

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Red Ryder
Posts: 741
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 5:14 pm

Re: It's been a while

Post by Red Ryder » Fri Aug 11, 2017 5:24 pm

Welcome back!

You're one of the good guys MLF!

I'll always remember my first time I picked up a gay guy I met on the internet at the park and ride and ate weiners with 8 other dudes!! :lol:

That first NOM lunch was absolutely worth it.
Elder Nelson seems to have somehow become the mouthpiece of the mouthpiece of God. ~ Hagoth

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Stig
Posts: 127
Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 3:15 pm

Re: It's been a while

Post by Stig » Sat Aug 12, 2017 7:37 pm

Good to see you on here and it was good to see you at lunch recently.
“Some say he’s wanted by the CIA and that he sleeps upside down like a Bat. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

“Some say that he lives in a tree, and that his sweat can be used to clean precious metals. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

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