My Story: Finding Faith, Losing the Church

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Hopebeat
Posts: 25
Joined: Sat May 12, 2018 7:29 am

My Story: Finding Faith, Losing the Church

Post by Hopebeat » Sat Jun 09, 2018 9:18 pm

Hello friends!

I have lurked here a long time and have only recently done a few posts, but I still feel I know you all because so much of our roots are the same. We all have a similar story. I’d like to tell mine, hopefully it helps someone else on their path.

I was baptized at 8, in all the beehive, Mia Maid and Laurel presidencies as a youth. I loved the church so much. It was my life. I had my YW medallion by age 16. But my story really begins at age 18.

I had a Patriarchal blessing and a Fathers blessing around this time. The combination of the two told me to go to a certain college. At this certain college I would meet my eternal companion. I was sooo happy! I trusted God and my priesthood leaders that it would all work out and I was sure I’d be married soon enough.

Well I didn’t have as good of a time at that college as I thought I would. At the same time my priesthood blessings encouraged me to stay there! Endure! My parents encouraged me to move back home. I said, what about my blessings? All they could do was shake their heads. Why would my parents advise me to ignore my blessings? I started to not trust them. Dissonance begins...

After I moved back home I got a boyfriend. My parents didn’t like him because he wasn’t apart of our faith. They wanted him to see the missionaries. He didn’t want to. I felt so guilty at the time I was trying to convert him. There was just this bad feeling in the air. I let him choose if he wanted the missionaries. He didn’t. I knew we’d have to break up. We didn’t. I accepted him for who he is. Lots of tension between me and my parents.

I felt like I needed to see the bishop and confess. We didn’t do much, just more than a good young single adult girl should do— but I still feel like I felt the spirit. I still felt God guiding me, I felt no spiritual death that comes with sin. But as a good girl, I planned on confessing at a temple recommend interview. The question came and I lied. I felt the spirit tell me in that instant that I don’t need to confess my sins to anyone. I felt clean. I felt like because I had the intention of confessing, God forgave me. But I still felt off about it.

I started going on the Internet and fining this forum, mormon stories, and the exmormon files on YouTube. How could all of these people be happy?!? I still thought that the church was true, but I just wanted to understand those who left. I wanted to see what kind of people these were. Questions came, Was it really just me, is there no spirit?

Meanwhile I felt all of this guilt. I felt like I was so far from God because “his church” was crumbling before me. I was wondering why I needed to confess something to my bishop and why I couldn’t have a direct connection to MY God. Why did I need a prophet for guidance? Why does my father need to help me with big decisions? Why didn’t the holy ghost help my boyfriend and convert him? I was pondering all this, and I prayed, “God, I can’t confess to my bishop. I just want you. If I can’t have YOU directly, then I guess you’ve lost me.”

Then I heard a voice whisper to me in my heart. It said as clear as day, “I could NEVER leave you.” My God can never leave me.

I started to read the Bible, the New Testament. It contradicts the BoM so much! How could I not see this! I fell in love with Jesus, according to the Bible he isn’t my brother, he’s my God in the flesh. I started listening to Christian music. They sang bible verses in their songs, it was beautiful. All in 6 months this transition happened.

There were still some things in biblical Christianity that bugged me, but just knowing what the Bible really says has helped me so much. That’s all I needed to find out that the church isn’t true. If I were to attend a new church it would probably be a Christian Church. Best of all, I learned I do have a direct line to my God.

I don’t want to reveal too much about what’s happening in my life now, but I’m still in the closet, so to speak, still technically a member of the church. But I’ve found happiness! I now know that God is not just in the Bible’s or the temples, he’s everywhere, in every religion, in all of us. He could never leave me.

I’m grateful I could stay connected to my God through it all. I know many of us turn atheist, but God is there still. I think he’s even in mormonism, he won’t completely leave them behind. I’m still figuring out this middle way as I move forward, I don’t wish to upset my family, they truly believe you can’t have a real spiritual experience outside of the church. I still pray for them to be free.

I hope you find value in my story and feel free to ask me any questions, within reason of course!

<3

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Corsair
Posts: 2012
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 9:58 am
Location: Phoenix

Re: My Story: Finding Faith, Losing the Church

Post by Corsair » Sun Jun 10, 2018 2:50 pm

It's nice to see someone find a softer transition to Christianity after losing their LDS faith. I think that most people in transition have a couple of forces acting on them that leads to atheism. First, Seminary and Sunday School push a line of soft apologetics with more detail about how other churches are simply not "true". This leads apostates to finally discard Mormonism in the dustbin along with the rest of Christendom. Mormonism presents such a straw man image of Catholics, Protestants, Evangelicals, and they barely know how to comprehend the Eastern Orthodox. Non-denominational Christians just sound like slackers you can quickly ignore.

Another problem is that we have years and decades of PTSD from high-demand Mormon cultural practices. We simply want a break from being in church surrounded by these excited people urging you to continue the hamster wheel of LDS demands. Temple work, home teaching/ministering, three hours of church, seminary, mutual, full time mission, church callings, tithing, fast offerings, Sabbath Day restrictions, read scriptures, and more. We're tired of it. I just want to enjoy some quiet, guilt free Second Saturdays for a few weeks/months/years as I figure out my new convictions.

We are glad your voice is here. Getting back to some church would do a lot of good for some apostates.

IT_Veteran
Posts: 419
Joined: Wed Feb 21, 2018 2:36 pm
Location: California

Re: My Story: Finding Faith, Losing the Church

Post by IT_Veteran » Sun Jun 10, 2018 4:20 pm

Welcome!

Thoughtful
Posts: 592
Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2017 9:54 pm

Re: My Story: Finding Faith, Losing the Church

Post by Thoughtful » Sun Jun 10, 2018 10:23 pm

Welcome! Lovely intro story. I hope you feel right at home here!

Cadahangel
Posts: 50
Joined: Mon May 14, 2018 1:10 pm

Re: My Story: Finding Faith, Losing the Church

Post by Cadahangel » Mon Jun 11, 2018 9:51 am

You are Welcome here. I understand that tranisition is tough I am training to be a Pastor right now. If you have any questions let me know

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slavereeno
Posts: 687
Joined: Tue Sep 19, 2017 8:30 am
Location: QC, AZ

Re: My Story: Finding Faith, Losing the Church

Post by slavereeno » Tue Jun 12, 2018 11:18 am

Welcome, thanks for sharing your story.

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græy
Posts: 107
Joined: Tue Nov 29, 2016 2:52 pm

Re: My Story: Finding Faith, Losing the Church

Post by græy » Tue Jun 12, 2018 8:54 pm

Great introduction! We're glad to have you here!
I'm better than dirt... well most dirt. Not that fancy store bought stuff, I can't compete with that... full of nutrients and everything. -Moe Sizlack

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MoPag
Posts: 1097
Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2016 2:05 pm

Re: My Story: Finding Faith, Losing the Church

Post by MoPag » Thu Jun 14, 2018 7:23 am

What a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing that with us. And welcome to the ward family!
...walked eye-deep in hell
believing in old men’s lies...--Ezra Pound

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moksha
Posts: 1769
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 4:22 am

Re: My Story: Finding Faith, Losing the Church

Post by moksha » Thu Jun 14, 2018 9:57 pm

Hopebeat wrote:
Sat Jun 09, 2018 9:18 pm
I now know that God is not just in the Bible’s or the temples, he’s everywhere, in every religion, in all of us. He could never leave me.

I’m grateful I could stay connected to my God through it all. I know many of us turn atheist, but God is there still. I think he’s even in Mormonism, he won’t completely leave them behind.
Sounds like you are on the right track. Any God worth believing in has to have a universal quality. Welcome to the searching for answers and wisdom portal sometimes referred to as NOM.
Good faith does not require evidence, but it also does not turn a blind eye to that evidence. Otherwise, it becomes misplaced faith.
-- Moksha

Hopebeat
Posts: 25
Joined: Sat May 12, 2018 7:29 am

Re: My Story: Finding Faith, Losing the Church

Post by Hopebeat » Thu Jun 14, 2018 10:20 pm

moksha wrote:
Thu Jun 14, 2018 9:57 pm
Hopebeat wrote:
Sat Jun 09, 2018 9:18 pm
I now know that God is not just in the Bible’s or the temples, he’s everywhere, in every religion, in all of us. He could never leave me.

I’m grateful I could stay connected to my God through it all. I know many of us turn atheist, but God is there still. I think he’s even in Mormonism, he won’t completely leave them behind.
Sounds like you are on the right track. Any God worth believing in has to have a universal quality. Welcome to the searching for answers and wisdom portal sometimes referred to as NOM.

Oh my goodness just rereading through what you quoted of me, what I said literally follows the perfect template for the classic testimony! I’m laughing, it’s too good :lol:

Anyways thank you, thank you! I do believe that God is more universal. It just makes more sense looking at how the rest of the world believes and just how things are. I’m learning to look at how things are now, instead of thinking of things as so separate from me.

Hopebeat
Posts: 25
Joined: Sat May 12, 2018 7:29 am

Re: My Story: Finding Faith, Losing the Church

Post by Hopebeat » Thu Jun 14, 2018 10:35 pm

Corsair wrote:
Sun Jun 10, 2018 2:50 pm
It's nice to see someone find a softer transition to Christianity after losing their LDS faith. I think that most people in transition have a couple of forces acting on them that leads to atheism. First, Seminary and Sunday School push a line of soft apologetics with more detail about how other churches are simply not "true". This leads apostates to finally discard Mormonism in the dustbin along with the rest of Christendom. Mormonism presents such a straw man image of Catholics, Protestants, Evangelicals, and they barely know how to comprehend the Eastern Orthodox. Non-denominational Christians just sound like slackers you can quickly ignore.

Another problem is that we have years and decades of PTSD from high-demand Mormon cultural practices. We simply want a break from being in church surrounded by these excited people urging you to continue the hamster wheel of LDS demands. Temple work, home teaching/ministering, three hours of church, seminary, mutual, full time mission, church callings, tithing, fast offerings, Sabbath Day restrictions, read scriptures, and more. We're tired of it. I just want to enjoy some quiet, guilt free Second Saturdays for a few weeks/months/years as I figure out my new convictions.

We are glad your voice is here. Getting back to some church would do a lot of good for some apostates.
Thank you! I’m happy to help and see that others find their own way, whatever that looks like for them.

Yes, so true! Another thing that kind of keeps Mormons away from Christianity is that they don’t trust the Bible in the first place! If people would actually read it without the mormon colored glasses, then they’ll see the differences.
A good example is when Jesus explains how there’s no marriage in heaven. How did I never come across that verse in seminary... hmmm. You’re just so busy trying to hear the “current revelations” that you don’t have time to read the actual original texts.

I’m fascinated by other religions, I’m studying some Hindu texts right now. Very interesting and a completely different approach to many of the same moral concepts we’re familiar with but,with different motivations. there’s no need to follow any rules. There’s more emphasis on the intent and heart of the person then the following of the rules.

Hopebeat
Posts: 25
Joined: Sat May 12, 2018 7:29 am

Re: My Story: Finding Faith, Losing the Church

Post by Hopebeat » Thu Jun 14, 2018 10:41 pm

Cadahangel wrote:
Mon Jun 11, 2018 9:51 am
You are Welcome here. I understand that tranisition is tough I am training to be a Pastor right now. If you have any questions let me know
Thank you! I’ve seen a few of your posts around, it’ll be great to have you as a reference point around here. Have you seen the exmormon files on YouTube? They’re specifically about people coming out of Mormonism into Christianity, definitely check it out if you haven’t already. That’s been a wonderful resource for me.

Hopebeat
Posts: 25
Joined: Sat May 12, 2018 7:29 am

Re: My Story: Finding Faith, Losing the Church

Post by Hopebeat » Thu Jun 14, 2018 10:44 pm

MoPag wrote:
Thu Jun 14, 2018 7:23 am
What a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing that with us. And welcome to the ward family!
You’re welcome! I believe everyone has a story to tell, and all the better if my mess and experience could help inspire courage in others.

Hopebeat
Posts: 25
Joined: Sat May 12, 2018 7:29 am

Re: My Story: Finding Faith, Losing the Church

Post by Hopebeat » Thu Jun 14, 2018 10:47 pm

græy wrote:
Tue Jun 12, 2018 8:54 pm
Great introduction! We're glad to have you here!
Thank you! I’m glad to be here :)

Hopebeat
Posts: 25
Joined: Sat May 12, 2018 7:29 am

Re: My Story: Finding Faith, Losing the Church

Post by Hopebeat » Thu Jun 14, 2018 10:48 pm

slavereeno wrote:
Tue Jun 12, 2018 11:18 am
Welcome, thanks for sharing your story.
You’re welcome and nice to meet you!

Hopebeat
Posts: 25
Joined: Sat May 12, 2018 7:29 am

Re: My Story: Finding Faith, Losing the Church

Post by Hopebeat » Thu Jun 14, 2018 10:52 pm

Thoughtful wrote:
Sun Jun 10, 2018 10:23 pm
Welcome! Lovely intro story. I hope you feel right at home here!
IT_Veteran wrote:
Sun Jun 10, 2018 4:20 pm
Welcome!
Thank you guys!

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moksha
Posts: 1769
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 4:22 am

Re: My Story: Finding Faith, Losing the Church

Post by moksha » Fri Jun 15, 2018 11:04 am

Corsair wrote:
Sun Jun 10, 2018 2:50 pm
We simply want a break from being in church surrounded by these excited people urging you to continue the hamster wheel of LDS demands.
It is a shame LDS people are discouraged from ever visiting the services of other religious groups. That way they could see that some faith traditions are nourishing rather than draining. There is something compelling about spending an hour on Sundays which serves as a boost to make it through the rest of the week. There is such a wide variety, that the departure from a McTheology where everything is uniform at thousands of locations, might seem daunting but that just allows you a range of choice from the sublime to the absurd.
Good faith does not require evidence, but it also does not turn a blind eye to that evidence. Otherwise, it becomes misplaced faith.
-- Moksha

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