Hi from the Midwest

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unsure23
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Joined: Sat Jun 09, 2018 9:10 am

Hi from the Midwest

Post by unsure23 » Tue Aug 07, 2018 8:49 am

Hey, everyone. I'm new posting in to this forum, but have been lurking on other this and other forums for a few months. I currently attend church but have lost my testimony of the Book of Mormon and past and present prophets. My viewpoint has changed a lot due to The CES Letter and reading more about early church history. I don't see the church the same way I used to. My spouse attends church and is supportive of me, even if my faith journey takes me outside the church. I'm trying to stay in the church for now and focus on Christ to support my family.

We have school-age kids and the hardest thing for me is balancing what I teach them. For various reasons, I can't be more open with them or stop attending church for a few more months, at least. I worry about the church and its strict requirements because one of them feels guilty about the smallest thing. For the most part, I am trying to keep a positive relationship with Christ and the church due to my family. Days like today where I'm reading about a female student getting kicked out of BYU-Idaho when she reported she was sexually assaulted while drinking makes feeling positive about the church hard.

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slavereeno
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Location: QC, AZ

Re: Hi from the Midwest

Post by slavereeno » Tue Aug 07, 2018 9:05 am

Hi unsure, Welcome!

I am in a similar place, still going to church but my belief is gone. You are very fortunate to have a supportive wife. Work or teaching your kids how to think critically and for themselves, and don't let them do any 1 on 1 interviews with authority.

I haven't told all my kids just yet, but I am working towards that.

unsure23
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Joined: Sat Jun 09, 2018 9:10 am

Re: Hi from the Midwest

Post by unsure23 » Tue Aug 07, 2018 9:20 am

slavereeno wrote:
Tue Aug 07, 2018 9:05 am
Hi unsure, Welcome!

I am in a similar place, still going to church but my belief is gone. You are very fortunate to have a supportive wife. Work or teaching your kids how to think critically and for themselves, and don't let them do any 1 on 1 interviews with authority.

I haven't told all my kids just yet, but I am working towards that.
Thanks. I forgot to clarify that it's my husband who is supportive. I'm the wife. While this journey has been hard, in some ways it's been easier that I'm the one questioning because, for the believing spouse, there's still a priesthood older in the home. I'm also not expected to participate in family blessings, although I am invited to family outings to the temple. Thanks for your advice.

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Corsair
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Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 9:58 am
Location: Phoenix

Re: Hi from the Midwest

Post by Corsair » Tue Aug 07, 2018 9:59 am

Welcome! We are glad you found us.
unsure23 wrote:
Tue Aug 07, 2018 8:49 am
We have school-age kids and the hardest thing for me is balancing what I teach them. For various reasons, I can't be more open with them or stop attending church for a few more months, at least. I worry about the church and its strict requirements because one of them feels guilty about the smallest thing. For the most part, I am trying to keep a positive relationship with Christ and the church due to my family. Days like today where I'm reading about a female student getting kicked out of BYU-Idaho when she reported she was sexually assaulted while drinking makes feeling positive about the church hard.
A critical part of most faith journeys is when you untether your sense of happiness from the actions of the church. I recognize that Honor Code enforcement at BYU has resulted in profound miscarriages of justice. My children have (so far) decided against attending a BYU school so I have not had to breach that specific subject with them. Perhaps it is callous when I simply roll my eyes and acknowledge that the LDS church is, once again, acting like the LDS church.

There is, however, one strategy that has worked pretty well with my own children. Teach them how to think critically. Teach them appropriate skepticism and asking questions like, "How would we know this thing is true?" instead of simply stating, "This thing this is true." Don't teach them what to think. Teach them how to think. The institutional church prefers what to think with the only how being a witness of the spirit that does not endure scrutiny.

Do you remember all that silliness about Julie Rowe a few years ago and her visions of calamities soon to come? I had some close family members that were into her ideas. I had the enjoyable experience of teaching my own children why Sister Rowe's line of thinking was complete nonsense and how we would know that. I did not have to tear down anything they learned in Sunday School. And, of course, I did not resort to telling them to "Follow the Prophet" since Monson and Company were also not fans of Sister Rowe.

There are ways around the indoctrination of the church. It's not a perfect strategy, but neither is the line of thinking in "For the Strength of Youth". I'm with as the undercover unbeliever in my ward. I await the day when I finally get asked to accept a calling that simply will not work. I'm not sure how that will proceed, but it will not end with me sustained as "Ward Mission Leader" or "Elders Quorum President". But it might be the transformation my family needs. I have been teaching "how to think" to my children for years. At that point my children will already largely understand why I turned down the bishop.

Good luck! We are all rooting for you.

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wtfluff
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Location: Worshiping Gravity / Pulling Taffy

Re: Hi from the Midwest

Post by wtfluff » Tue Aug 07, 2018 10:23 am

Image
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

Keep the company of those who seek the truth - run from those who have found it -Václav Havel

Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light...

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slavereeno
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Joined: Tue Sep 19, 2017 8:30 am
Location: QC, AZ

Re: Hi from the Midwest

Post by slavereeno » Tue Aug 07, 2018 10:33 am

unsure23 wrote:
Tue Aug 07, 2018 9:20 am
Thanks. I forgot to clarify that it's my husband who is supportive. I'm the wife.
:oops:

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Red Ryder
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Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 5:14 pm

Re: Hi from the Midwest

Post by Red Ryder » Tue Aug 07, 2018 3:06 pm

Welcome!

Many of us have found a niche of tolerance that is tolerable for the short term. I'd suggest you think about what your long term goals are with your husband, family, and self then work on timeline and strategy.

There's a lot to do to unwind "mormon thinking" and a whole big beautiful world out there you'll need to figure out how to navigate. It's going to take time, patience, and a strong sense of humor to navigate but you can do it without regrets! Sometimes therapy and a good counselor can be helpful. Consider it.

As for your husband, you should involve him early on and the standard advice is to "take it slow".

Stick around and ask everyone here lots of questions. We've all been down this path so know that you are not alone.
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

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hiding in plain sight
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Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 7:38 am

Re: Hi from the Midwest

Post by hiding in plain sight » Tue Aug 07, 2018 3:38 pm

Hello Unsure23.

Welcome. You are definitely not alone in the journey.

I continue to attend church and support my wife. I woke up a bit more than 8 years ago and I promise that the journey gets better.

Just go slow. Take your time. You always have tomorrow.

All the best.

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Dravin
Posts: 261
Joined: Sun Oct 23, 2016 11:04 am
Location: Indiana

Re: Hi from the Midwest

Post by Dravin » Tue Aug 07, 2018 4:08 pm

Welcome from someone else in the Midwest. :)
Hindsight is all well and good... until you trip.

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MoPag
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Joined: Tue Oct 25, 2016 2:05 pm

Re: Hi from the Midwest

Post by MoPag » Thu Aug 09, 2018 8:42 am

Welcome to the ward family!! We are happy you are here!
...walked eye-deep in hell
believing in old men’s lies...--Ezra Pound

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Hagoth
Posts: 1945
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 1:13 pm

Re: Hi from the Midwest

Post by Hagoth » Fri Aug 10, 2018 1:55 pm

Welcome to NOM unsure23!

It sounds like you will fit right in here. I hope you will contribute and feel like you're part of the family.
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Arcturus
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Joined: Sun Apr 22, 2018 4:10 pm

Re: Hi from the Midwest

Post by Arcturus » Sat Aug 11, 2018 10:18 am

Welcome! It's interesting that the church is all about the "family" but when there's a lack of homogenous faith within the family unit, then the church often drives families apart.

Best of luck managing the path with your fam! I've found the NOM community to be extremely helpful in venting and expanding my perspective on dealing with the family issues when faith is gone.
“How valuable is a faith that is dependent on the maintenance of ignorance? If faith can only thrive in the absence of the knowledge of its origins, history, and competing theological concepts, then what is it we really have to hold on to?”
D Brisbin

jfro18
Posts: 269
Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2018 8:41 pm

Re: Hi from the Midwest

Post by jfro18 » Sat Aug 11, 2018 8:55 pm

Welcome to the group - also in the midwest. It's nice to at least not be surrounded by church members, so for the most part I've been left alone besides a few "random" drop-bys from the missionaries that happen to coincide with things like my kid not going for a while because of my issues with church history.

Glad you're here - hope you can use it to help vent and process everything. It has helped me for sure!

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