Maybe it’d be nice if everyone posted a very short intro who they are

[Guy]

Third (and this one's the doozie) was when DW and I were preparing to be sealed in the SLC Temple (both in our 40's). We were married in a civil ceremony first, then a year later applied for the sealing. In the meantime our beautiful baby boy was born. When we applied we were told that our son could not be sealed to us because DW had been previously sealed to her ex and our son was consider sealed under that sealing. This crushed me like nothing else in my life - to be told that my son could not be sealed to us because he fell under a sealing DW had with another man. It got worked out in the end and my son was there with us, but it was a hell of a rough time and was an event that proved to be a very heavy load on my shelf!

Much sympathy, my friend. I know a local couple in my stake who were in the same boat. She was widowed at a young age while pregnant. He was a convert and they got married civilly. But they can't get sealed without Her breaking the first sealing. He cannot be sealed to anyone because his parents are not LDS at all. Plus, their children together are sealed to Husband Number One. They have withdrawn from activity.

I look back now at my time as an active member of the church and it amazes me the amount of mental gymnastics I had to go through to make it all work (or just to stay sane)!

[Corsair]

I look back now at my time as an active member of the church and it amazes me the amount of mental gymnastics I had to go through to make it all work (or just to stay sane)!

The LDS church wants everyone to assume their policies and doctrines simply cannot be ignored. Church authority steamrolls over family relationships based on continuing the policies and customs of 19th century polygamy zealots. The average church would be happy to have a married couple make a life together and simply not worry about some Celestial bureaucracy validating their arbitrary rules.

"Eternal families" is supposed to be a big selling point of the LDS church. They ignore the fact that every other Christian denomination already believes that loving families being reunited in Heaven is simply a built-in feature of salvation. It's only the Mormons who are cetain that these relationships are categorically ended unless proper validation is done in their expensive temples. Only Mormons believe in eternal separation.

[Dravin]

I was born and raised Mormon but spent my teenage years inactive. I reactivated in my early twenties and ended up serving a mission. Prior to my mission I was extremely zealous and sanctimonious, serving my mission put the first cracks in my shelf but I didn't realize it at the time. When I got back I was sorta active but not as zealously so.

I met my wife online at a LDS.net (I think they've since renamed it), ended up a moderator and even married another moderator (both of us firm believers at the time). Around age 30 I started having epistemological concerns about the church that arose from pursuing a degree in geology and general scientific critical analysis that good universities teach. I found, the original, NOM during my transition period where I was starting to not believe the church but the cultural, personal, and relationship investment into the church made it difficult to accept where I was heading. At the end of the day I stopped believing and didn't necessarily handle my conclusion of non-belief well by resigning and then informing my wife of that resignation (and pushing some behavior changes on my part faster and harder than in hindsight I should have). Things were rocky with my wife for a while, at one point a freak out an control maneuver put us dangerously close to heading down the road to divorce (honestly, I think if I'd been younger when this occurred I'd have ended up divorced). Things have settled into a bit of an unspoken uneasy truce with the church and we both do our best to not think about it much.

[Guy]

... Only Mormons believe in eternal separation.

So true! I might use this someday!

[TestimonyLost2]

I'm a longtime lurker/rare poster going back to the old site. Lost access to my old account and finally stopped being lazy and set up a new one.

I'm a nonbeliever that's still going through the motions but eeeeever so slowly stepping back from the church. Started turning down speaking/teaching assignments a few years ago. Turned down my first calling last year. Since two hour church began, I never go to Sunday school and only occasionally to priesthood. Recommend expired a couple weeks ago and it might just stay expired. It's stuff that when I type it out seems small but they've all felt like huge, positive steps for me.

My wife has known for a few years now and while it's been tough on her she's really trying to be okay with the small changes so far. And by okay with it, I mean she never really wants to talk about it. This is tough but better than a lot of the stories I've heard over the years. The recommend expiring was probably the biggest change yet and since she doesn't want to talk about it I don't know exactly how she's handling it. We'll see I guess.

I still have a few kids left to hit baptism age. That's one of the toughest parts for me. I'd probably never worry about my recommend again if it wasn't that I've baptized/confirmed the first bunch and it breaks my heart to think about someone else standing in the "worthy father" role for my younger kids.

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

I'm a longtime lurker/rare poster going back to the old site. Lost access to my old account and finally stopped being lazy and set up a new one.

I'm a nonbeliever that's still going through the motions but eeeeever so slowly stepping back from the church. Started turning down speaking/teaching assignments a few years ago. Turned down my first calling last year. Since two hour church began, I never go to Sunday school and only occasionally to priesthood. Recommend expired a couple weeks ago and it might just stay expired. It's stuff that when I type it out seems small but they've all felt like huge, positive steps for me.

My wife has known for a few years now and while it's been tough on her she's really trying to be okay with the small changes so far. And by okay with it, I mean she never really wants to talk about it. This is tough but better than a lot of the stories I've heard over the years. The recommend expiring was probably the biggest change yet and since she doesn't want to talk about it I don't know exactly how she's handling it. We'll see I guess.

I still have a few kids left to hit baptism age. That's one of the toughest parts for me. I'd probably never worry about my recommend again if it wasn't that I've baptized/confirmed the first bunch and it breaks my heart to think about someone else standing in the "worthy father" role for my younger kids.

Welcome back to 2.0. I am in the same boat as you. Did the gradual pull back of activity and only attend 1st hour with the wife and kids. Just had my son turn 8 this year and allowed Grandpa to step in for me. It was tough but I survived with a stoic attitude and allowed it to be about my son and not me as best as I could. It never ends. Not just baptism but every stepping stone with kids.

[Redcrown27]

I decided I’d had enough, after 7 years of shoutingmatches and sobbingparties. Going on Mormonstories (705) really made my ex realize I wanted out, needed out. So I took a Church-sabbatical of a year. After that year she called for a divorce. Turned out she’d already had a boyfriend for years.... Anyway, left the house July 28th last year. Resignation confirmed August 4th.

41, 2 adult kids. Living with my parents again. Church definitely fucked my life up.

It is sad that your wife had a boyfriend for a long time. It is sad when the so called believing faithful members of the church don't bother to live up to the standards. Even if you weren't in a religion she was still having an affair and that was wrong of her to do. It is on her not you. You are moving on from this. Back in your parents home is a transitional spot.

A little about me.

I stopped believing mid 20s. I never had a solid career path. I lived at home with my parents. I went to college class off and on. I had other ambitions that didn't work out for me. I probably would have left sooner if I would have gotten some of the same or similar credentials that I have now and started working with the same hours and pay that I work now. I am currently working a basic position in the medical field.

While still attending the church I never served a mission so I was practically an outcast in the dating scene. I after a time I was fed up with it and started wearing black shirts to church every Sunday to go against the standard "Uniform of the priesthood" Business suit with a white shirt.

Part of the reason why I never went on a mission is that I felt dirty going out with the EQ Presidency to harass the inactive members of the church to the point that they would shout at us not to come back. The EQ presidency would pull out of their briefcase a letter telling members how to officially resign from the LDS church.

Years later I now see that this was partly to do with the lawsuit with the Tanners. They published the resignation process in the UTLM publication. The LDS church wanted to sue for copyright something or other legal garbage. Basically the Tanners response was that they were using fair use of publication and that the LDS church did a lousy job at letting people know that they could actually resign from the LDS church. A selection of Stakes were tasked to seek out inactive members and give them the information on how to resign as a means to prove that the LDS weren't hiding anything. (BS!)

To recap mid 20s I stopped believing. I started exploring other faiths. I felt empty and dead inside. Nothing seemed true to me because I was brain washed into thinking that no other religion or belief was true. For a time I self identified as Agnostic. Though I still went to church for a bit of social interaction and to have friendly chats with the Bishop at the time who he himself later left the church so we were indeed kindred spirits.

Early 30s I obtained some credentials that I used to start working my current position of work in the medical field. It was nice to not have to rely on under the table pay for gardening work and going back to working for the same old thrift store for a set number of months before I was asked to leave.

I truly began to hatch out of my shell and blossomed into someone who was a little more confident. I walked into the a Christian church one day and began to learn what they believed. I began reading the Bible without the mindset of Mormon teachings in my mind. I am still learning the Bible. I am not an expert. I will say that I am a believer of Jesus ( read the bible Jesus is WAY different than the false Mormon Jesus) and I am saved by grace. My works are as filthy rags and learning these things allowed so many of my negative emotional issues melt away.

I later met a beautiful woman who thought of me as hansom. We started dating and eventually got married. She is indeed the sparkling Gem in my life.

[Corsair]

If the church was like it was when I was a kid then I could forgive the lies and deceit and look at the church just like I do any other church.

I regularly wonder if there is a way forward for the LDS church to simply be a simple, local congregation for Christians. And if not fully believing Christians, at least people of goodwill who want a basic Christian lifestyle of helping your neighbor and Sunday worship based on that. I make it work in my situation, but most people simply won't tolerate the demands on their time, money, and beliefs.

[Random]

I can honestly say that I enjoyed growing up in the church.

Same here. Up until I was about 8 or 9, church was the safest haven for me, better than school and better than home.

By the time I was 13 or 14, however, I had a bishop who didn't like me and my best friend. And there was pressure like giving talks. And it gradually went downhill from there.

But when I was a kid, with the nice people, the roadshows, the dime-a-dip dinners, the bazaars, the after-school primary (which was in no way Sundayfied), the plays, the movies, etc. made it a great place to be. We were not taught "follow the prophet", RS still had their own organization, we still had people teaching what they thought the gospel was instead of a skeletonized correlated version.

[misterfake371]

I was born and raised in the LDS Church. When I was 18, I didn't know if I was going to go on a mission or not. I didn't know what I believed. During my freshman year of college, I read the Book of Mormon and prayed. I gained a testimony of the Book of Mormon and the Church and I felt the Sprit and my life got better and I went on a mission. After I got home, I married a lady in the temple. I baptized her, actually, and we're still married and have 5 kids together. In 2010 my older brother lost his testimony and there was a lot of family drama. I argued with him and tried to get him back in the Church. I failed in my attempt. In 2012 I read a lot of forbidden books and websites and lost my testimony. I cried and lost a lot of sleep. I kept going to church, though, for a long time, and I wrote a blog at https://reasonstostaylds.blogspot.com that chronicles my attempt to stay active. I had a good long run. 7 years. But ultimately I was discontent at the LDS Church. My soul yearned for Truth.

Eventually, I found the Truth about God, in the Roman Catholic Church. I'm in RCIA now. (RCIA = Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults) It's a class I go to once a week at the Catholic Church. I pray the rosary every day, and I have a crucifix up in my house. My wife wants to stay LDS just because she likes the people and the lifestyle. I want our kids to be Catholic, and she wants our kids to be Mormon, so I'm in an awkward position. We'll see what happens.

In other news, I write poetry. My poems are on http://benbirdspoetry.weebly.com. So, if you like poetry, there's that. Even if you don't like poetry, check it out anyway. Some of my poems might entertain you for a few minutes.

I hope the best for you. I pray God will guide you in your spiritual journey. Just to be up front, I really believe in the Catholic Church now, and I'm evangelical. So here's a few things for you to google: the Tilma, the Shroud of Turin, the stigmata of Padre Pio, the levitation of St. Ignatias of Loyola, the beheading of singing nuns in the French Revolution, Our Lady of Fatima, Marian Apparitions, and http://catholic.com. Catholic Answers is the Catholic Version of FAIR, except it's so much better.

When I was Mormon, there were so many things I heard about the Catholic Church that were just wrong. The more I investigated the Catholic Church, the more I believed in it. I believe its teachings will bring all of you the Truth, which is what you really desire. Even though I've moved on spiritually, I'm still very connected to the LDS Church because my parents and tons of my relatives are true believers. And I like to check in on the DAMU (disaffected Mormon Underground) and NOM occasionally to catch up with the latest drama.

OK, maybe that wasn't a "very short intro" but whatever. Nice to talk at you. See you later.

[Angel]

Eventually, I found the Truth about God, in the Roman Catholic Church. I'm in RCIA now. (RCIA = Rite of Christian Initiation for Adults)

A good chunk of my family is Catholic, really fun and diverse people. I think everyone gets spooked because Catholics also claim to have genuine "authority" which makes others jealous. While I now believe the only real authority lies within - no borrowed light, no leaning on any arms of flesh (not even the pope), it is fun to see someone who has found a new spiritual home. Thanks for posting and for sharing your blogs!

[LSOF]

Born in Utah, raised in Texas and in Mormonism, I have been an atheist since 2014 and a woman since 2019 or so. It's been so long since I last recalled my deconversion that some details might change in this retelling, but hopefully it won't be as bad as Joseph Smith's nine first visions or the two mutually exclusive birth-dates given for Jesus in Matthew and Luke. Unlike Joseph Smith or the Evangelists, I invite calling-out on contradictions, if anyone cares enough. At least one previous recollection of this deconversion story is on this forum.

My first suspicion of Mormonism arose at age 5 or 6, when we were reading the Book of Mormon, and I wondered why it used "thou" and "ye" interchangeably. (I have always had an interest in symbolic codes like languages.) I durst not voice this, however, because the Book of Mormon was clearly important to my parents and I feared a spanking.

Throughout my childhood, I wavered between fanaticism (preaching to my schoolmates and submitting BoM fanfiction for writing assignments) and not thinking about it beyond going to church each Sunday. Under the influence of my mother and her parents, during the 2008 election cycle, I fell into the delusions of Glenn Beck and the Tea Party as well. I read and believed The 5,000 Year Leap and The First 2,000 Years by W Cleon Skousen. Also I read the King James Version of the Bible cover to cover, twice. Therein, more doubts arose when I read about the stupid and pointless political intrigue in the books of Samuel and Kings. Saul chasing David all over the land and whatnot.

I was still a fanatical conservative and Mormon in high school, where we studied world history and I wondered why there were no Nephites or Lamanites in the textbook for pre-Columbian America. I asked one of my youth leaders about it and received an unsatisfactory answer, something like, "You just have to believe." I held on a little longer, but this doubt was too big to suppress completely.

When sitting in Mormon church meetings, I had the feelings that "One needs a religion like one needs a favourite sports team" and "This seems more like business than church". Still, I maintained my faith, even calling out The Poisonwood Bible (a book I had to read the summer before my senior year) for what I perceived as anti-Christian and anti-American sentiments.

I had a mostly free period that year, so I spent a lot of time on my phone, starting with exmormon.org. I was drawn to it because it didn't have designs to convert visitors to any other religion. I also found Richard Packham and the CES letter, and by October of 2014, I was an atheist. I "came out" as such in December of that year.

The story doesn't quite end there, but this post is not "very short" as it is, so I shall abort the tale.

[Hagoth]

Thanks for sharing your story, LSOF! Quite an interesting journey.

... I have been an atheist since 2014 and a woman since 2019 or so.

Please tell us more!

[LSOF]

Thanks for sharing your story, LSOF! Quite an interesting journey.

... I have been an atheist since 2014 and a woman since 2019 or so.

Please tell us more!

What would you like to know?

[Red Ryder]

Thanks for sharing your story, LSOF! Quite an interesting journey.

... I have been an atheist since 2014 and a woman since 2019 or so.

Please tell us more!

What would you like to know?

Start with the timing? Did you always question your gender even as a Mormon? Or did that come after giving up the church? I don’t recall if you talked about this when you actively participated on the board in the past. I’m thinking about the experience of the temple architect who transitioned to a woman.

What was your decision process like?

Sorry if that sounds mechanical. I’m merely asking to understand from a resolving inner conflict point of view. If that makes sense. I struggle with decision making because I over analyze everything to the point of paralysis.

Last question, are you happier?

[LSOF]

There follows a novella describing my gender transition. "Very short intro" indeed. Be advised that I briefly discuss sexual matters.

My entire life, I just assumed I was a boy, because everyone told me so. My first gender experience was during Thanksgiving, 1998, when I was 16 months old. I remember almost nothing else from that era, but I remember this. I was playing with one of my aunts' old toys, (in retrospect probably Barbie stuff,) then someone took me away from them and scolded me. I am the eldest of my parents' children, and I have only brothers, so I had no nearby girl relatives with whom I could relate.

In my public school days, I briefly engaged in the asinine "war of the sexes" business which the culture imposes upon us, but I quickly found that my closest friends were girls. I had a lot of boy friends too (note the space), but they were more like drinking buddies than actual friends, all save one.

I fiercely resisted getting haircuts, every time I was made to get one, but I detected reticence in my younger brothers to get haircuts too, so I thought it was normal.

I saw George W Bush on TV saying "How dare you?" to people who said that 9/11 was an inside job, and I went into cyberspace with my dad on the occasion of 9/11 or Hurricane Katrina (I don't remember which, but it was some disaster), but I was not really politically awake until the 2008 election cycle. That is when my mother and her parents gave me a bunch of Glenn Beck books, and also The 5,000 Year Leap by W Cleon Skousen. Theocratic, far-right rubbish, but I didn't know any better, so I ate it up. This relates to my trans realization (or as we trans people call it, my "egg-cracking"), in that my puberty began at this point too. I had only the vaguest idea that people of the same sex might love each other romantically, and not even that for gender transition. My mom also introduced me to conservative talk radio, which we'd listen to when going to and coming from seminary. This was to make a noxious stew. (I remember exactly where I was when Rush Limbaugh had his infamous meltdown about Sandra Fluke: I was at my first job, behind my boss' desk, working on the company website, though I was on his side at the time. I also remember hearing minute on minute of dead air where they would usually play advertisements.)

Conservative talk radio plays seedy advertisements for all sorts of shady things (like get-rich-quick schemes, gold! gold! gold!, and "male enhancement"), and under the influence thereof, I began to proclaim and perform masculinity a little more ardently. Even so, I was always the nerdy type, and my parents laughed it off when I talked about how "manly" I was as a teenager. This might well have been for the best.

In high school, I was usually fairly solitary, though my old elementary-school friend was there with me. A few insinuated that he and I were gay lovers, because homophobia was still "in" at the time, especially in north Texas. I made friends both male and female. I also ascended through the ranks of the Priesthood, though by the time I was ordained an elder, I was already mentally out. I became more accepting of atheist, gay, trans, &c. people, though of these, I imputed only atheism to myself.

One night, I draped myself in a bedsheet to attempt to look like an ancient Greek philosopher. I was that sort of kid, yes.

I went to BYU as an unbeliever from the outset, under pressure from my parents. Immediately I sought out fellow unbelievers, though it took me some time to find them. I was slowly sorting through the vile trash I had piled up in my brain, and exposure to "different types" of people helped with that. I went to my first pride festival in September 2017? at a park in the south of Provo, though as (as I thought) a cis-het male ally.

At church, I would play with my voice, to try to sing all four parts of the hymns. I was proud of my bass, but for fun, I liked to, on next verses, sing tenor, then alto, then soprano. My alto was a bit rough, due to my transition zone between modal and falsetto registers occurring right there.

Due to poor grades, I was kicked out of housing and had to live with my parents, who had moved to rural southwestern Washington to be with my mother's family --- the very same that had polluted my brain with reactionary filth.

One night, in summer 2018, just for fun, I draped myself in a bedsheet, this time to see if I could make a dress. I did, and I felt a feeling I never had felt before. It was not sexual, for I had made sure to masturbate to completion beforehand. The technical term for it is euphoria. I felt beautiful. I felt like myself. Only having known the cave, I saw the surface world. Only having known the Matrix, I saw the true nature of things. I was sure that I was not a man. But because there are other genders than just "man" and "woman", I had to conduct further investigation. I tried on proper articles of women's clothing, and it felt righter than anything.

On return to BYU in fall 2018, I tried out a new name and new pronouns. I preferred them to my old ones, and that is when I decided I was a woman. I attended another pride festival in September of that year, almost as myself. I got "sir"ed a couple of times by a vendor there, which was upsetting. I wanted to buy feminine clothes for myself, though I chickened out every time I sought to do it. In October, one of my exmo friends (who themself was queer) took me shopping for clothes. I gradually grew confident enough to dress in them, even in class. I was not instantly summoned to the Honor Code Office, to my great surprise and relief. I found USGA, which was about as accepting as BYU got. I found one of my classmates there (she was asexual). The first HCO summons I got was over the summer, while I yet lived in a BYU-contracted apartment. But by that time, I was on my way to the University of Utah, because I had gotten a successful transfer, so I gleefully stood them up and moved to Salt Lake City late in August, 2019. And I lived happily ever after....

... Until I was kicked out of the University in November for not having enough money. Instantly when I had moved all my baggage into my parents' house, my mother yelled at me for fully a half-hour about how I was "too rude" for insisting upon my correct name and pronouns. My parents now accept me lukewarmly, but not my mother's parents! The present pandemic has kept me at my parents' house ever since. And I lived miserably ever after, THE END.

But I am sure that I would be more miserable still, if I were still compelled to pretend to be a man. If we consider happiness to be the reciprocal quantity of misery, then I am indeed happier, but only in the sense that kale is more delicious than excrement.

[Red Ryder]

Thanks for the post LSOF!

You’ve got age and beauty on your side.

[RubinHighlander]

There follows a novella describing my gender transition. "Very short intro" indeed. Be advised that I briefly discuss sexual matters.

Thanks you LSOF for sharing that very personal and difficult journey you have been on! I've thought a lot about these experiences people have in our societies, our tribes and all the challenges there are to be our true selves. I have a daughter who is gay, another who is fluid. I've thought a lot about their experiences growing up in the church and our exit from it. Although I can't fully understand all the emotions and challenges they had and have, but my empathy is fully there.

I really hope for you a happier future!

[LSOF]

Thank you all. I am glad to be so warmly received here, even after my long absence.