A New Name

[Mahonri Moriancumer]

Hello! I'm glad to see NOM 2.0 is up and active. I was mostly a lurker on NOM 1.0, so here is a brief reintroduction (with my new NOM 2.0 name).

I'm a multi-generational Mormon, BIC, son of a seminary teacher & grew up on the Wasatch Front. I wasn't perfect, but I always strived to choose the right growing up in a pretty orthodox family. I was seminary president in the mid-80's and was one of the oldest in my graduating class, so I was endowed and left on my mission the fall after graduation. In spite of all the things I tried to do to prepare to serve a mission, it didn't work out for me. My faith crisis started the day of my temple endowment. I was really creeped out by the strangeness of the experience and didn't feel the spirit at all. Then I left on my mission and really struggled with the experience and ended up coming home after just a few months, very depressed and ashamed.

I wasn't treated badly for coming home early, but I just felt like no one knew how to act around me or what to say to me. I struggled for years to overcome my depression and fit in, yet still remaining active in the Church, although very unsure of my beliefs.

I met my wife, who loved me and accepted me for who I was and I was finally able to put my nightmare mission experience behind me. We got married in the temple within a few more years. I kind of put my faith crisis on the shelf and moved on with life, and was pretty much living the Mormon dream - 5 kids, faithful Church service, etc. Then I had my two oldest sons go through similar mission experiences, with both returning home early. All the negative mission memories and feelings returned and I started to sincerely doubt the truth claims of the Church, and for the first time, I began looking at non-Church approved sources for answers. I found Mormon Stories, Mormon Matters, A Thoughtful Faith, Mormon Discussion Podcasts and other sources of non-sanitized information and couldn't get enough.

Nothing really shook me that much, but at some point, I admitted to myself that I didn't believe the truth claims of the Church anymore, and I probably hadn't for some time. I thought there was still a lot of good in the Church, and then the November exclusion policy happened, which really shook me to the core. I am still active now, but it's not the path that I would choose for myself. I'm only doing it to stay married. My TBM spouse does not understand and is still 100% committed to the Church. Unfortunately we can't talk about our beliefs much, because she always ends up in tears and I feel like the biggest dirtbag on earth.

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!

[SeeNoEvil]

Welcome MM! Thank you for your story. In spite of all the church is, I too had hope there was still goodness left and that the Q15 were making decisions based on love.... that is until the November hate policy. You have much to share so please stick around. I look forward to hearing more from you.