Achilles Update (April 2017)

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achilles
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Joined: Mon Oct 17, 2016 6:17 pm

Achilles Update (April 2017)

Post by achilles » Thu Apr 13, 2017 4:33 pm

I just sent a PM to another forum member who was in the same mission as I was describing my current church and life situation and thought I'd make it into an updated intro.

Hi everyone. My name is Achilles, son of Peleus. On my mission (which was nearly 25 years ago!), I had my struggles with homesickness and getting used to the food--but I loved Japan. I really enjoyed my first mission president, and struggled with the second. When talking with the second guy about my depression, he actually accused me of being lazy and having the wrong motives. I got pissed and started working harder to prove him wrong. He actually called me into the mission office to work with him. I loved learning Japanese, being in the brotherhood with the other elders, teaching about the Gospel, and working with the members. But I had undiagnosed anxiety and always struggled with finding and stats. I hated tracting, and street contacting nearly shut me down with anxiety. I hated the rejection. I constantly felt inadequate about stats and occasional masturbation. I was very hard on myself. I look back at the mission with fondness, but it was a very difficult experience.

I am an unmarried celibate gay guy. I have been a high school and junior high school band director, and a college professor of music education. I'm currently doing a midlife career change to medical laboratory science. I've lived in Utah, California, Idaho, Colorado, and Ohio. I've got two advanced degrees in music. I've been a ward organist, stake choir director, gospel doctrine teacher, elders quorum instructor, and was in numerous EQ presidencies. I did a lot of therapy trying to change my sexual orientation--but obviously that stuff doesn't work.

What initially started me down my disaffection path was the treatment of single people (as I aged out of singles wards) and ultimately gay people by the Church. I started to search the internet for some validation of my feelings and found the Blogernacle--sites like By Common Consent, Times and Seasons, Wheat and Tares, Feminist Mormon Housewives, etc. I joined Stay LDS, and eventually NOM. During this times I learned all the Church History dirt, about the Documentary Hypothesis, Pre-Columbian American History, Evolutionary Biology, Cosmology, Historical Jesus stuff...

About three years ago I began to research suicide methods. After a month of it, I kind of snapped out of it and realized that going to church was making me unhappy and suicidal. I stopped going to church, got a therapist, and began my recovery. My relationship with the Church was tenuous up through the ruling on Obergefell vs. Hodges. The Nov 2015 Policy finished off any hope I had of healing my relationship with the Church. I absolutely do not trust the Brethren, and believe the Church is a bad place for LGBT folks. Nowadays I am an agnostic, pretty much ex-Mormon. Up until six months ago I was obsessed with the disaffected Mormon underground, but I now only check the internet blogs and forums once or twice a week.

I live in Box Elder County, UT, so if there is ever anything I can do to help any of you, please PM me.
“For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring.”

― Carl Sagan

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MalcolmVillager
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Re: Achilles Update (April 2017)

Post by MalcolmVillager » Thu Apr 13, 2017 10:39 pm

Great update. You are one of the great NOMers. If I ever make it yo Box Elder with some extra time I will look you up!
Last edited by MalcolmVillager on Fri Apr 14, 2017 6:59 am, edited 1 time in total.

Rebel
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Re: Achilles Update (April 2017)

Post by Rebel » Fri Apr 14, 2017 1:13 am

Good post , thanks for sharing and I hope you have found peace Achilles.. I have much depression myself and yes I think much of it is caused by church and a TBM wife !! . God Bless.

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Vlad the Emailer
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Re: Achilles Update (April 2017)

Post by Vlad the Emailer » Fri Apr 14, 2017 4:17 am

Thanks Achilles.

We're glad to have you among us!
When an honest man discovers he is mistaken, he will either cease being mistaken, or cease being honest. - Anonymous

Say what you want about the sweet miracle of unquestioning faith, I consider a capacity for it terrifying. - Kurt Vonnegut

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Corsair
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Re: Achilles Update (April 2017)

Post by Corsair » Fri Apr 14, 2017 8:12 am

We're glad to have you here!

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FiveFingerMnemonic
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Re: Achilles Update (April 2017)

Post by FiveFingerMnemonic » Fri Apr 14, 2017 12:41 pm

Thanks for your insights, they add a ton of value to this forum.

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MoPag
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Re: Achilles Update (April 2017)

Post by MoPag » Fri Apr 14, 2017 5:39 pm

((Hugs!)) I love your posts!

Thanks for all of your hard work as a NOM moderator.
...walked eye-deep in hell
believing in old men’s lies...--Ezra Pound

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redjay
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Re: Achilles Update (April 2017)

Post by redjay » Tue Apr 18, 2017 3:11 am

Thanks for sharing. One of the things I am mad about is that 'the church made a bigot of me'. I am embarrassed that I shared such prejudiced feelings about homosexuality.

That aside, I am completely jealous of your obvious musical aptitude.

RJ
At the halfway home. I'm a full-grown man. But I'm not afraid to cry.

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