What was your first crack

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Geocacher
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Re: What was your first crack

Post by Geocacher » Mon May 15, 2017 2:02 pm

For me, it was the Book of Mormon, and Eternal Marriage issues. I have though, in the past few years, seen a similarity between Mormon Preexistence and Near Death Experiences. I am having issues, where it seems like having faith in the church, take precedence, over having faith in Jesus alone. I have become aware, that Jesus is in the intermediate realms between Heaven and Earth, and that God is in Heaven. You can not get into Heaven, without Jesus first, and asking Him for forgiveness. I have always had trouble with the Idea of the Only ONE GOD issue, like in Jewish, and in Islam. I am quite comfortable with the notion of them being separate realms, with Jesus quite busy, with us humans, in the intermediate realms.

Getting back on topic, I do have a ton of issues, with man-created rituals, but do like to get better at Faith, Prayer, and Study, for which I am lacking. So many times, Jesus, or a guardian angel has saved my butt, from bad happenings. I could have died several times, without intervention. Things where I was not thinking, and needed help from above.

I just know that the Mormon church does have it right with some things, but I am conflicted on my broken shelf.

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Jinx
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Re: What was your first crack

Post by Jinx » Sun May 21, 2017 9:20 pm

I must have had a heavy shelf most of my life, because I remember a word of wisdom from my father, in relation to a question I must have asked him but that I don't remember: "God gave you a good brain and he expects you to use it." So even as a kid I was questioning things I was taught.

When I was a new mother, we moved to a new ward. No one there knew us or really knew anything about us. The bishop's counselor called us in to extend me a calling, one that he was inspired to say would really "use my talents". Being an experienced musician, playing several instruments including piano and organ, I was excited to hear what his inspiration would tell me. He called me to be an assistant nursery leader. Literally all he knew about me was that I had a small baby. Because I was a woman in the church, my talents obviously had to do with childcare. This in a ward that literally had two members who could even passably play piano. I was in that calling for three months before they figured out that they needed me elsewhere. This was the first real evidence I had that inspiration doesn't really exist.

After that it was just one thing after another. The horrible slimy self-aggrandizing bishop who wouldn't let my Primary presidency make any decisions at all because his inspiration trumped ours. The Mother's Day torture of hearing how perfect I was expected to be. The crackpot testimonies every single month. The very same bishop's counselor proclaiming that God put dinosaur bones into the earth to tempt us to disbelief. All the idiocy, all the self-repression, the endless boredom of three hours of meeting week after week.

It was when my DH said "what if none of it is true" and my heart leapt with joy that I realized I didn't want it to be true and I didn't need it to be true. And now I'm free and I'm happy. So here's to cracks!
“This is the best part of the week!” – Homer Simpson
“It’s the longest possible time before more church!” – Lisa Simpson

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Just This Guy
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Re: What was your first crack

Post by Just This Guy » Tue May 23, 2017 10:44 am

For me it was a combo if being very overworked in the church and seeing that the church wasn't living up to what it said it was.

At the time, I had 6 different church callings. 3 ward level and 3 stake level. (activities days leader, EQ teacher, ward media representative, Stake AV tech specialist, Stake Sunday school presidency, & Addiction Recovery Program) That is in addition to the normal callings that everyone has like HT, service projects, etc. Add to that 2 very young kids and a new career that had it's own stresses, I was flat out burnt out. Something had to give and it was the church that was the easiest to let go of. I went inactive for several years because I couldn't handle it all.

At the same time I started having trouble with various things where the church wasn't living up to what it was supposed to. For example, I found myself surrounded with people who would be mean to non members. I was told I needed to be more like some new guy in the ward despite the fact that he was very abusive towards his wife. I found the church didn't follow the real Law of Common Consent as the D&C spells out. For a while I considered the church to have been lead astray from itself. If I had known about Denver Snuffer or similar people, I probably would have gone that direction.

That put me out of the church for a couple years. Eventually I found out about other stuff from here and it all fell into place of what it really was.
"The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." -- Douglas Adams

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Ghost
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Re: What was your first crack

Post by Ghost » Tue May 23, 2017 5:30 pm

I always find this sort of thing fascinating to read. I appreciate everyone taking the time to share these stories.

My earliest issues were mainly intellectual, and I don't really have an interesting story to go with them. I'd always been curious about arguments against Mormonism, Christianity, and Theism, and I'd read whatever I could find to learn about the issues people were raising. Many were easy enough to dismiss or explain away, or were outweighed by what I saw as evidence for the other side.

But at some point all of the particular issues opened the door for me to ask myself whether I really had good reason to believe the supernatural events depicted in the books of the Bible. And I found that this was not something I seemed to have a good answer for, even as I felt guilty for even entertaining the question. I think this was the first time that I truly questioned the core assumptions behind my faith.

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Hagoth
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Re: What was your first crack

Post by Hagoth » Thu May 25, 2017 8:47 pm

Meilingkie wrote:
Sat Apr 22, 2017 10:08 am
The defendant said an Angel had appeared to them and said it was OK.
Hey, it worked for the Man Who Communed With Jehovah. It's an oldie but a goodie.
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

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moksha
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Re: What was your first crack

Post by moksha » Sun May 28, 2017 1:40 am

It was a clear night in Compton back in August of '72. Me and Hunter Thompson had just ridden our hogs from Chaco Canyon and we were feeling thirsty and in need for some action. We were getting ready to ride over to the LA Temple for a late night session when we spotted someone down the street beckoning to us. It was some hombre dressed in a neon white shirt with a skinny black tie. Had a backpack and some black tag one his shirt pocket. We walked up to him and noticed his eyes seemed to glow red. Took a look at the black name tag and it read Elder L. D. Ablo. Didn't know what this dude was about, but he held his hand palms-up and had two small vials resting on it. One had some oily looking liquid in it and the other some white powder.

"Take your choice gentlemen," he said, "both are very potent". We seemed to ask simultaneously what was in the bottles. "Your choice gentlemen. One will promise you great things if you obey Authorities and give them a 10% cut. The other will cause you to awaken."

We looked at each other. This was one cryptic dude. Hunter asked if that was crack. Elder L. D. Ablo smiled. "Why yes, it is. Straight from Mt. Doom." No need to think further. We took the one we thought was crack and have been awake since then. So that might be the story of my first crack or not. All we know for sure is that one of them was from Mt. Doom.
Good faith does not require evidence, but it also does not turn a blind eye to that evidence. Otherwise, it becomes misplaced faith.
-- Moksha

Rebel
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Re: What was your first crack

Post by Rebel » Sat Jun 03, 2017 8:44 am

mY FIRST CRACK APPEARED AFTER READING A BOOK CALLED UNVIELING GRACE . iT WAS ABOUT A MISSIONARY WHO LOST HIS FAITH WHILE ON HIS MISSION AND CAME HOME AND CONVERTED THE REST OF THE VERY ACTIVE FAMILY OUT OF THE CHURCH. THE AUTHOR WAS A FORMER ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR AT BYU.

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alas
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Re: What was your first crack

Post by alas » Sun Jun 04, 2017 11:57 am

PalmSprings wrote:
Sun Apr 23, 2017 1:30 am
Wow well written story Meilingke. But I must report that I have heard about things and personally witnessed things happen in church courts that are very disturbing. But that one tops the cake!

As far as a single event that started my exit from the church, I can't quite pinpoint. I suppose in the beginning it would boil down to the lack of compassion and complete lack of concern for mine and others well-being. If I may, let me share my tale of woe. (Condensed version)

My childhood was very traumatic and turbulent. Born of narcissistic parents who never went a day without a fight. My dad who supposedly was a golden Mormon boy growing up, had an extremely short fuse which lead to verbal and physical abuse on countless occasions. Mom with a Bi-Polar/personality disorder was never happy and would burst into tears at any given moment or take it out on us or dad. To make a long story short, after years of abuse and living in this hostile atmosphere, I developed an acute case of depression, low self-esteem and PTSD.

Relatives on both sides of the family could "sense" there was something wrong in our household. But my parents had one thing in common, they were experts in living by appearance and deception. And since my dad was the "golden boy," his parents and brothers never blinked an eye. As I became an adult this meant I was in for real trouble. I realized that if I was going to survive, I had to take care of my mental health. So where did I turn for that help? The church leaders are inspired by god and are servants of Christ, so they should have answers. Nope! Big mistake! At every turn I was chastised for not honoring my Father and Mother. I was told I was "crazy" and that my mind wasn't right. And that I had to "repent" for saying such evil things against my parents, etc etc etc.

So I literally spent years in various places around the world, being rejected and chastised for something I had never done. I felt "unworthy" because I was never going to live up to the gospel standards. (A common side effect from being a member but compounded by my upbringing) During this time period my depression would become so great at times, that it would paralyze me. It also caused me to contemplate suicide on countless occasions. It just didn't make sense, I was doing what was "right" according to the "lds gospel" but I'm poor, mentally ill and a complete loser.

Then one day I had an epiphany inspired by Q on Star Trek. When Picard realized the meaning of his own paradox Q said: "For that one fraction of a second, you were open to options you had never considered." That caused me to think , what if the church itself is the main trigger for my depression? Bingo! It's been a few years since I have been to church and my troublesome past is behind me.
This is my story, except it was the last straw rather than the first crack. Only difference was there was also sexual abuse. I just kept blaming myself and feeling like if I could just fix me, then all my issues with the church would magically disappear. Sadly, I felt like I must deserve the bad treatment from church leaders who (a) blamed me for being sexually abused in the first place, (b) blamed me for not magically getting over it, (c) criticized me for taking the steps to heal such as seeking counseling, (d) criticized me for helping others professionally who had been through the same things I had, as if my helping others who were injured in a way I understood was not kindness but "wallowing" in my own problems.

My first crack happened before baptism at 8. I didn't LIKE Joseph Smith. He seemed like a self serving jerk to me. What I didn't understand at the time was that the stories about him reminded me of my father who was also a self serving jerk. My baptism just made me feel like a thing instead of a person, and what was more, I thing that had no value. The church and the men in it were the only things God valued. The next crack that I remember was in seminary studying the BOM. Back then it was 9th grade release time. But the BoM had too many glitches, like horses and elephants and steel swords and metal coins. And NEPHI, another self serving JERK, just like my dad and just like JS.

I was in Provo UT, and the pressure to believe was too strong. I could accept that there was something wrong with my parents, but the idea that everyone in my life was dead wrong about church, God, religion, Mormonism, the whole world, was just too much for me to deal with cognitively, so I shut down for years. I blamed myself because that was easier than accepting that the whole world was lying or just plain crazy.

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BriansThoughtMirror
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Re: What was your first crack

Post by BriansThoughtMirror » Tue Jul 25, 2017 3:28 pm

My first crack was just before my mission. I happened to read an article in some magazine in which scientists had performed brain scans on a Buddhist monk while he meditated. They showed that he was experiencing something he believed to be spiritual, and it was correlated with a drop in activity in some specific part of the brain. I was surprised that other religions had spiritual experiences, for one. It also occurred to me that his brain had likely created the spiritual experience out of chemicals and and electrons. I then began to wonder whether my own experiences were also manufactured by my brain. This felt like a painful shot to the gut.
I rationalized it away as quickly as I could- obviously, Buddhist's experiences aren't the real Holy Ghost, and my experiences are different altogether- and went off to serve. The thoughts came back to haunt me numerous times, though. I remember praying silently in my bed at the MTC for God to give me strength and make that doubt go away. It was the first serious crack of many to come.
Reflections From Brian's Brain
https://briansthoughtmirror.wordpress.com/

ulmite
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Re: What was your first crack

Post by ulmite » Sun Jul 30, 2017 7:30 pm

I have never tried cocaine.

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Corsair
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Re: What was your first crack

Post by Corsair » Tue Aug 01, 2017 9:27 am

ulmite wrote:
Sun Jul 30, 2017 7:30 pm
I have never tried cocaine.
This is one part of the Word of Wisdom I was also planning to keep.

As a child I actually wondered how I could possibly have been born into the one, true church with no observable effort on my part. I simply had to assume that I was just lucky and maybe I did something useful in the preexistence. Later on I discovered polyandry and it went quickly downhill from there.

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Random
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Re: What was your first crack

Post by Random » Wed Aug 02, 2017 10:17 pm

ulmite wrote:
Sun Jul 30, 2017 7:30 pm
I have never tried cocaine.
:lol: :lol:
There are 2 Gods. One who created us. The other you created. The God you made up is just like you-thrives on flattery-makes you live in fear.

Believe in the God who created us. And the God you created should be abolished.
PK

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Guy
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Re: What was your first crack

Post by Guy » Mon Aug 07, 2017 10:28 am

My first crack...

Going for my Patriarchal Blessing as a young man (40 years ago now).
I went to his house to receive it. Sat in a room specially set aside for these, I guess he did this a lot for the area. His wife started a tape recording of the session, from which the blessing would be typed up. Then going through the blessing and thinking the whole time it was being given what a great blessing to receive (some very cool things were said for someone who was uber TBM at the time). Got up, said my thanks, got ready to leave, only to find out that the wife forgot to turn on the recording. Sat back down and received a second blessing, only this time it was NOTHING like the first. And I'm thinking the whole time... "Wait, what the hell is going on? This blessing sucks! If the first blessing was so inspired (10 minutes ago), why is this one so uninspired?"

I never got over that event, even though I remained TBM for 30 more years. I look back at it now and think... "what a bunch of made up bulls**t!"


My first REAL crack that lead to my non-belief...

California Prop 8 in 2008.
Every Sunday at the beginning of SM the Bishop standing up imploring the members of the Ward to do all they could for the Prop 8 in California (I lived in Idaho). This felt really wrong to me and ultimately led to my journey of becoming a non-believer.
Happy Dissenter :D

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Spicy McHaggis
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Re: What was your first crack

Post by Spicy McHaggis » Tue Aug 08, 2017 3:48 pm

Book of Abraham papyrus.
Within a week I had figured the PH had no magical powers as I had been told repeatedly.
Within 10 days or so any belief I once had in mormonism, or even God, had evaporated.

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