NOM

TBM for 25 years+ RM, Temple married, devoted my entire being in that time to what I thought was the one and only true church on the face of the earth...

My concerns, questions, and doubts all came to a head a little over a month ago when the final piece of the puzzle made me realize/decide/discover the church wasn't true (at least the way it is presented and taught) literally overnight. I think I even said out loud to myself: "Oh my gosh, it's just a church like any other out there in the world."

Mulled on it for 2 weeks. Came out to my husband who was immensely supportive and wants to make a mixed faith marriage work. He said he can't blame me for any of my reasons and understands why they would cause me to want to leave. He has been blind-sided though so we will have me fade a little from attendance, and wait a few months to talk to the kids as we work out how we want to handle things going forward.

I have never felt so much freedom, peace, and excitement over what my life can now become. Never realized how many of my desires for myself and even my kids and family had been suppressed for what I thought I was supposed to be doing. Happy to have a place(even if only on the internet) to feel some comraderie, as it may be all I have for awhile as I transition my life.

So hello!

Welcome to the ward family!

I remember being so relieved and happy when I figured out that the church wasn't true because that meant that God didn't want me to be a 2nd class citizen. I wasn't "less than" because I'm female.

It sounds like you are in a happy place right now. And that is awesome that your DH is being supportive. Now you get to begin the journey of figuring out what you believe. NOM is a great resource for faith transitions. We can help with the not so good times too.

Welcome to the board. Sounds like a quick and recent change of events. You are lucky hour DH replied the way he did. Not all do that immediately, or at all for that matter. This will be quite a ride. With this board and a supporting spouse it is all better than without either or both.

Family, friends, etc... Will take some work. Be kind and gentle to yourself and to others.

We look forward to your contribution.

Welcome to NOM.

I trust you'll find lots of support here.

rosebud wrote: ↑

Tue May 09, 2017 5:52 pm

So hello!

Hello! And...welcome

Congrats!
Welcome!

Hope you find support and solace here in your journey to freedom!

We are glad you found us. Mixed faith marriages are a common state of affairs and I am glad that circumstances sound good for yours.

Welcome,

I can relate the idea of "snapping" in one night. Crazy how that works. That's awesome your spouse is supportive, that really helps. You'll be fine together and I'll bet you a case of beer sooner or later he'll have his own epiphany.

I look forward to hearing from you, it's great to hear from someone fresh off the boat. I hope this site feels like a good place to you. It's been my sanctuary.

MoPag wrote: ↑

Tue May 09, 2017 7:50 pm

Welcome to the ward family!

I remember being so relieved and happy when I figured out that the church wasn't true because that meant that God didn't want me to be a 2nd class citizen. I wasn't "less than" because I'm female.

It sounds like you are in a happy place right now. And that is awesome that your DH is being supportive. Now you get to begin the journey of figuring out what you believe. NOM is a great resource for faith transitions. We can help with the not so good times too.

Amen!! I have really struggled with this one. I think especially as women in the church we are getting so many different mixed messages from the church, it can really mess with your mind. I currently stay at home and have always wanted to, but always felt sympathy for the women in my ward who really wanted to work and knew they were better people/mothers by working but couldn't reconcile that with the church.

THEN I had a thought come into my head the other day about looking for a job and felt a little glimmer of interest. The real joy of that moment came from realizing that whatever I decide over the rest of my life for work, mothering, lifestyle will be completely my own choice and not influenced by feelings of guilt (at least not from my religion).

Welcome!

I had a similar experience to yours -- that shelf had been getting heavier and heavier without me ever realizing it, until one day it hit me all at once and I (like you) said out loud, "OMG. It's not true. He made it all up."

It's been a very difficult road, made bearable by the awesome folks on this board. Glad you're here!

Welcome to NOM, Rosebud. Are you willing to share with us what the straw was that broke your camel's back?

Oh yes! Sorry I didn't see this post earlier. I would love to share it.

I was so unhappy with so many things in the church: sexism, elitism, legalism etc. The only thing still keeping me fully devoted (and somehow I still felt very devoted) were my memories of significant spiritual experiences (especially one in particular that I had on my mission). I truly felt that it would be blasphemous to leave the church because I would be denying those communications from God.

Through a series of strange events and coincidences, I stumbled on someone's blog post, "Why I left the Mormon Church." Basically his path out started when he realized how unreliable spiritual witnesses are. I had always believed that people in other churches had sincere spiritual witnesses just like us Mormons (many highly religious never-mos and ex-mos in my family). Somehow, I had never made the connection of how confusing that idea is if there is "one true church," and that millions of honest seekers all ending up in different churches sort of invalidated my views of my "one true church." This man laid it all out in his blog post in a way that made perfect sense to me.

In that moment, the weight of my cognitive dissonance literally lifted off my shoulders. I continued to read his post where he then shares all the main historical issues of the church and down the rabbit hole I went.

Being that I am a very recently TBM person you might be interested to also know why I clicked on his exit story in the first place. I was a regular FMH reader but never read anything on any other ex-Mormon boards because I felt that would be a sin. (just for background).

1. I already had lots of shelf items (I just didn't realize how many)
2. The tone of this blog post was very sincere, and didn't fit my TBM stereotype of the angry ex-mo. He opened by even saying how they shed many tears over their discoveries and transition out of the church. (This actually sort of blew my TBM mind).
3. He stated that while he didn't consider his letter to be anti-Mormon, he didn't think it was very faith promoting either, so if you didn't want to read it you should stop there. (This made it less scary to click cause I didn't think he was trying to persuade anybody out of the church).
4. Also I had met him and his family the day before at a conference so they were nice, normal people who had similar interests as mine.

The last point is kind of hilarious to me. Meeting him and his family, subsequently becoming interested in their family's lifestyle, which subsequently led me to want to read their family blog, which then landed me on his most popular blog post, (which had nothing to do with the topic of their blog overall), and him being able to deconstruct "the spirit" in a way that really spoke to me - all kind of feels like I was being divinely guided. LOL

Welcome! NOM is my favorite ward! Glad you found us. I look forward to hearing more from you!