NOM

I was on the original board as "shockeddude". I joined here after Thayne ignored all of the begging that everyone did to capture the old content. That was a sad loss for me because it was a sort of journal of my life during a very tough time. The old board contained my feelings at the time that my wife, after sensing antagonistic feelings from me regarding church things, asked me "do you even believe anymore?" I cried and told her that I had lost my faith. Also lost in the old board are my raw thoughts and feelings a month later when I came out to my wife as gay. We've had a crazy ride for the past several years. Since then, I've sent kids on missions, been there for them for their temple weddings and have stayed quiet, all the while, in my disbelief and sexuality. My anger phase ended a while ago, so I've played along for my sweet wife, an amazing woman. She's the only person on the planet that I do this for. She's shown me so much love and acceptance, that I don't want to rock her world more than I already have. Even though our situation is very complicated, I really feel like it's sustainable except for one thing. It's not even my sexuality, actually. The faith stuff is such an elephant in the room. She used to ask me "how are you doing" after a difficult conference talk or a church memo or policy. I know she doesn't like to talk about it, she wants it all to go away. So, now it gets ignored. My dream is for me to just support her for Sacrament meeting and quietly fade away at church as a less active person that they leave alone. I'm not sure how that can ever happen because the Mormon dream doesn't seem to list that as an option. Anyhow, I'm close in real life with several of the contributors on here. I've never met more thoughtful, accepting and loving people in life. This group has embraced me and given me wonderful advice and support. I look forward to participating a little more again!

I'm crossing my fingers that my slow fade into the background is working. I go to SM to support and fade out. My wife has given me all the space in the universe to make my way through life. She just wants to be with me and not feel like I am demanding anything out of her. It seems to work for us. For now. We have some milestones coming up that I dread. But its a ways off.

The ignoring is hard. I'm sorry. But it is a great group that we have here. I look forward to your perspectives on stuff.

Welcome back!

You're one of the good guys MLF!

Good to see you on here and it was good to see you at lunch recently.

Welcome Back! I remember you on the first NOM. I too wished there could have been a way to extract all our posts. It was devastating to loose the history of our journeys. I now save my own and any other that I know I will want to refer to someday. I loved reading your update and admire you for the love and devotion you and your wife have for each other. I look forward to hearing more of your story. Glad your back!

Hey shockedfactory, nice to have you here.

We're glad to have you make an appearance here. I hope this forum can help you work out better way to live and think like it has for me.

Good to hear from you, friend. I don't come on NOM very often anymore, but it feels good to see a familiar face. Speaking of which, it's been way too long.

Red Ryder wrote: ↑

Fri Aug 11, 2017 5:24 pm

Welcome back!

You're one of the good guys MLF!

I thought you said Milf. Haha, welcome back MLF. Is it your whole self or just the LF here?

I guess that brings a whole new meaning to being a member of NOM. Are you in good standing?

Ok, enough silliness. Welcome back. This isn't the same as the old board. I too lost so much of my faith journey journal in the old board. I wish I could read some eod my old posts, but it might be good they are gone.

I have slipped from denial, to anger, and now to apathy about it all. It helps me cope as I continue a mostly orthopraxy lifestyle on the outside.

My current apathy and busy life make my comments infrequent and from the hip. Much less from the heart or well thought out.

I just don't care anymore.