NOM

Posted: **Wed Sep 13, 2017 12:59 pm**

Hello everyone!
I haven't spent a whole lot of time here on NOM. In fact I've been hesitant to join because I don't exactly fit the typical mold for members of this forum.
I am the (mostly) TBM half of our mixed faith marriage, with Emower making up the other half. DH has been slowly moving further and further from the church over the last couple of years while I have mostly stayed put. It's been an interesting ride, as I'm sure you all know all too well.
As DH and I have talked about some of the issues that come up on here he has commented several times that there really isn't any input here from the "other side" and maybe a different perspective could be useful. Hopefully that ends up being the case and I don't just make an annoyance out of myself.

I am mostly interested in discussions regarding marriage and family and making this type of mixed faith family work well. I'm a lot less interested in some of the more faith challenging discussions, though I may stick my nose in there on occasion.
Thanks for welcoming me into your group!

Posted: **Wed Sep 13, 2017 1:08 pm**

Dmower wrote: ↑
Wed Sep 13, 2017 12:59 pm
Hello everyone!
I haven't spent a whole lot of time here on NOM. In fact I've been hesitant to join because I don't exactly fit the typical mold for members of this forum.
I am the (mostly) TBM half of our mixed faith marriage, with Emower making up the other half. DH has been slowly moving further and further from the church over the last couple of years while I have mostly stayed put. It's been an interesting ride, as I'm sure you all know all too well.
As DH and I have talked about some of the issues that come up on here he has commented several times that there really isn't any input here from the "other side" and maybe a different perspective could be useful. Hopefully that ends up being the case and I don't just make an annoyance out of myself.
I am mostly interested in discussions regarding marriage and family and making this type of mixed faith family work well. I'm a lot less interested in some of the more faith challenging discussions, though I may stick my nose in there on occasion.
Thanks for welcoming me into your group!

Welcome aboard, very brave of you!

Posted: **Wed Sep 13, 2017 1:13 pm**

We are glad you are here. It would be great to have your views in these discussions.

Posted: **Wed Sep 13, 2017 2:04 pm**

Welcome! I commend you for being willing to engage in conversation here. I'm the non-believer in a mixed faith marriage, and I recognize how difficult it can be to confront the issues that now separate you as a couple. It takes quite a bit of bravery and self confidence to expose yourself to new ideas that contradict your previous Orthodox mindset.

I would love to hear more about the "mostly" qualification you added to your description as a "TBM."

Posted: **Wed Sep 13, 2017 2:16 pm**

Howdy Dmower! It's great to have you. Emower provides lots of thought provoking insights and I'm sure you will be even more insightful. You two are a bit of rarity in that we have both spouses on the board. Actually, my wife is on here as well, but she hasn't visited much lately. Kids and life make it busy and hard to monitor all of internets. She is Misbehaved Woman.

First off, I'm gonna call you out on something. There's no such thing as 'mostly' TBM. You is or you isn't. I applaud you for being open to new ideas, thoughts and experiences. The fact that you're here and you're 'mostly' TBM means that you're not TBM. You're exactly the type of person the church needs desperately. Someone that can maintain faith while still being open to new ideas and how to cope in an ever changing world. You're exactly what this board needs. We have lots of folks that are struggling in a relationship but we only hear 1/2 of the story. You can be that other 1/2.

I look forward to hearing your story and thoughts. Welcome!

Posted: **Wed Sep 13, 2017 8:50 pm**

Welcome DMower! Glad you have made your way over here. Everyone here is all on a different road in this journey. It doesn't have to look a certain way. We welcome your comments as we all have much to learn from each other. Again, welcome!!

Posted: **Wed Sep 13, 2017 9:19 pm**

Welcome! Pull up a chair and stay a while.

Posted: **Thu Sep 14, 2017 8:29 am**

Welcome aboard! And thanks again for your comments in other threads.

I would also like to hear more about the "mostly" in your TBM status.

Posted: **Thu Sep 14, 2017 2:21 pm**

Welcome to the Board. It will be very interesting to get your take on some of the discussions here. (I actually already have one in mind, but I'll wait to pose it).

Posted: **Thu Sep 14, 2017 8:30 pm**

I've been trying to figure out how to explain the "mostly", and I'm still not sure how to sum it up, but I'll try.
DH was very open with me before even really starting on his "faith journey" (or whatever you want to call it) and has been all along. I wasn't real thrilled with the idea, but he clearly felt it was important so I didn't stand in his way. Over the last couple of years we've discussed some of the information he's learned. I've listened to podcasts with him and read articles he thought were too interesting not to share. Recently I read the Letter to my Wife and Kids, and skimmed the CES letter and was a little surprised to realize there wasn't much in there that was completely new to me. Some topics I didn't know a whole lot of detail about (and probably still don't), but I knew that it was a problem topic and the basics of why it fell in that category.
At this point I am still fully committed to my membership and participation in the church. I know there are problems. I know what many of those problems are. I don't have answers on how to make those problems mesh with my faith, but for the moment I'm okay with that. I know that being in the church has been problematic for some people and caused them life long misery, and I can see how that would happen. For me though I have never felt like it was damaging to me, but that it brings me comfort, hope, and peace. I am choosing for the time being to not worry so much about all the nitty gritty details and instead to focus on my relationship with Christ. Maybe someday I'll join DH on the "dark side"

but for now he's just going to have to keep waiting.

Posted: **Fri Sep 15, 2017 12:04 pm**

Dmower wrote: ↑
Thu Sep 14, 2017 8:30 pm
I've been trying to figure out how to explain the "mostly", and I'm still not sure how to sum it up, but I'll try.
DH was very open with me before even really starting on his "faith journey" (or whatever you want to call it) and has been all along. I wasn't real thrilled with the idea, but he clearly felt it was important so I didn't stand in his way. Over the last couple of years we've discussed some of the information he's learned. I've listened to podcasts with him and read articles he thought were too interesting not to share. Recently I read the Letter to my Wife and Kids, and skimmed the CES letter and was a little surprised to realize there wasn't much in there that was completely new to me. Some topics I didn't know a whole lot of detail about (and probably still don't), but I knew that it was a problem topic and the basics of why it fell in that category.
At this point I am still fully committed to my membership and participation in the church. I know there are problems. I know what many of those problems are. I don't have answers on how to make those problems mesh with my faith, but for the moment I'm okay with that. I know that being in the church has been problematic for some people and caused them life long misery, and I can see how that would happen. For me though I have never felt like it was damaging to me, but that it brings me comfort, hope, and peace. I am choosing for the time being to not worry so much about all the nitty gritty details and instead to focus on my relationship with Christ. Maybe someday I'll join DH on the "dark side" but for now he's just going to have to keep waiting.

Again, the church really needs someone like you. Good job.

Posted: **Fri Sep 15, 2017 7:03 pm**

DMower, the very fact you posted a congenial message here means half the battle is won. Mixed marriages exist worldwide. Couples make them work.

Sometimes religious institutions and a few rabid adherents of those institutions demand that both halves of a couple share the same beliefs, but that is not really the case here. The LDS Church accepts mixed marriages. Despite some fanciful speculation about floating around in the hereafter together only if you both pay and obey, God is all about love and not severing relationships. Breath easy and take care of one another.

Posted: **Mon Sep 18, 2017 5:46 pm**

Welcome.

I'm the non believer in my marriage and it has been a challenging couple of years for DW. Things are going better now.

I think it must have been difficult for you to post here but I'm glad you did.

Posted: **Fri Sep 22, 2017 7:35 am**

DMower thanks for being here. The church needs spouses and people like you. EMower is lucky to have you. He is a great man, and I can tell you are a great woman! I agree that the battle is already (mostly) won for your marriage.

I am glad yyou have the thick skin to be in this space. It is sort of like the thick skin required by non-believers to show up at church without going postal.

Keep loving each other. The family is eternal and the basic unit of the eternities. It trumps everything else, including ritual, belief, community, etc... keep doing what you are doing!

NOM

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