New to NOM. Need help.

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Fifi de la Vergne
Posts: 287
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 8:56 am

Re: New to NOM. Need help.

Post by Fifi de la Vergne » Tue Jan 16, 2018 5:45 pm

notforprophet wrote:
Tue Jan 16, 2018 3:42 pm
Hermey wrote:
Tue Sep 26, 2017 12:24 pm
Welcome! Now, sit down, relax, and breathe. You're gonna be okay.

Get online and order this book. It'll help. Read it before you do much else. You need to make sense of and unwind twenty or thirty years of indoctrination.
While your directive was not for me, I did as you suggested. I am most of the way through the book (taking the time to go check the appendices is making it a longer read) and I am loving it. Thank you so much for this suggestion!
Welcome to NOM!
Joy is the emotional expression of the courageous Yes to one's own true being.

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notforprophet
Posts: 28
Joined: Fri Jan 05, 2018 8:09 pm

Re: New to NOM. Need help.

Post by notforprophet » Tue Jan 16, 2018 9:07 pm

Thank you!
God is either all powerful or all good.
I have yet to hear an explanation on how he can be both.
- Lex Luthor

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Hermey
Posts: 452
Joined: Fri Oct 21, 2016 11:32 pm

Re: New to NOM. Need help.

Post by Hermey » Sat Jan 20, 2018 9:57 am

notforprophet wrote:
Tue Jan 16, 2018 3:42 pm
Hermey wrote:
Tue Sep 26, 2017 12:24 pm
Welcome! Now, sit down, relax, and breathe. You're gonna be okay.

Get online and order this book. It'll help. Read it before you do much else. You need to make sense of and unwind twenty or thirty years of indoctrination.
While your directive was not for me, I did as you suggested. I am most of the way through the book (taking the time to go check the appendices is making it a longer read) and I am loving it. Thank you so much for this suggestion!
Glad you are enjoying it!

Thoughtful
Posts: 1162
Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2017 9:54 pm

Re: New to NOM. Need help.

Post by Thoughtful » Sat Jan 20, 2018 2:44 pm

I can relate to so much of your struggle. My husband is aware of many of the issues and agrees that they are issues, but is adamant that the problems don't outweigh the good that the church does and is in his life.

The difficulty for me is that I am very angry at being deceived for so long and at some of the changes to my life such as being a stay-at-home parent for many years while being depressed and miserable that would not have happened had I been free to even think about what I would like to have done with my life. One thing that comes up for us is that people who are members relate so closely with the church and that when someone questions the church was angry at the church they feel that their spouse is angry at them. Helping my husband understand that I am not angry with him but I am angry with the system that I was forced into has helped him be more understanding of my journey.

What is difficult right now is that the church seems to be retrenching rather than progressing. I believe I could continue to stay engaged if there were any sign that the church truly does want to be honest and transparent and respectful of diversity. However it's clear that they have no such intention. And my case I also don't doubt that my mother-in-law would attempt to destroy my marriage so that my husband could retain his eternal blessings without me dragging him down. I believe this is part of the reason why he won't consider thinking the church is not true until his parents have died. Of course this is just my speculation.

My husband is an incredible man, an amazing professional and academic, and a wonderful father. After some rocky time it's clear that he loves me more than his idea of a perfect Mormon family. That doesn't mean that it's always easy to be in the middle of a mixed Faith marriage.

If you feel the need to try to stay engaged with the church there is a group on Facebook called a thoughtful faith that is focused on people with unconventional beliefs staying in tune by participating in the LDS version of the Gospel. This page was useful to me as a transition point but I personally feel I've outgrown it.

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slavereeno
Posts: 1247
Joined: Tue Sep 19, 2017 8:30 am
Location: QC, AZ

Re: New to NOM. Need help.

Post by slavereeno » Mon Jan 22, 2018 8:25 am

Thoughtful wrote:
Sat Jan 20, 2018 2:44 pm
I can relate to so much of your struggle. My husband is aware of many of the issues and agrees that they are issues, but is adamant that the problems don't outweigh the good that the church does and is in his life.
For what its worth, I can relate exactly to this...

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notforprophet
Posts: 28
Joined: Fri Jan 05, 2018 8:09 pm

Re: New to NOM. Need help.

Post by notforprophet » Wed Jan 24, 2018 12:52 pm

Hermey wrote:
Sat Jan 20, 2018 9:57 am
notforprophet wrote:
Tue Jan 16, 2018 3:42 pm
Hermey wrote:
Tue Sep 26, 2017 12:24 pm
Welcome! Now, sit down, relax, and breathe. You're gonna be okay.

Get online and order this book. It'll help. Read it before you do much else. You need to make sense of and unwind twenty or thirty years of indoctrination.
While your directive was not for me, I did as you suggested. I am most of the way through the book (taking the time to go check the appendices is making it a longer read) and I am loving it. Thank you so much for this suggestion!
Glad you are enjoying it!
Finished it. Loved it. It led me to Studies of the Book of Mormon from BH Roberts research notes.
God is either all powerful or all good.
I have yet to hear an explanation on how he can be both.
- Lex Luthor

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