My Intro

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HighMaintenance
Posts: 127
Joined: Sat Nov 05, 2016 9:04 am

My Intro

Post by HighMaintenance » Sat Nov 05, 2016 9:22 pm

This might be long. I originally joined NOM is 2009, but I never posted an actual introduction. I just jumped in. So this will not only be a re-introduction, but an actual introduction.

I was BIC, the only one of my 4 siblings that was, since my parents were basically inactive when they got married. Parents told me as I was growing up how special I was because of that BIC thing. I'm now the only one of their children that is a total disbeliever that is only one email away from resignation, which is the main reason I haven't pushed that send button.

My first moment of disbelief was shortly after I was baptized. However, I grew up playing the game, just not taking it as seriously as my friends. After high school, I stopped going to church and ended up marrying a jackMo, who eventually turned very abusive. He was an addict, but he kept that to himself, initially, until a few months after our marriage when his addictions reared their ugly head. After the kids were born, I had gone back to church but again with the same lackadaisical attitude.

After 8 years of marriage, I'd had enough when he hurt one of our children. He went insane when he got the divorce papers and made my life hell. Eventually, I had no other choice than to have him put in jail and I packed up and left Utah. I had become very disenchanted with the church by then, mostly because of the culture. I had always hated the culture thing from the time I was a teen and being in YW and RS callings just made it even worse. So I disappeared not only from my ex, but from the church - so I thought.

About 6 months after settling in to my new life in Arizona, the bishop stopped by my house. Shortly thereafter, my ex started calling again. I'm pretty sure he got my location from the membership clerk in his ward when they got the information on where to send my records.

In the meantime, I had started dating my current husband, and he helped me navigate the crazy of my ex. We got married about 18 months later, and life settled down with only random incidences with my ex. My ex had started going back to church, and in true addict style, went full-on Mormon. He took out his endowments, wanted me to allow him to have the kids sealed to him (doesn't work like that), baptized our twins without my permission (I was the full physical and legal custody parent), gave me grief about not taking the kids to church, blah blah blah. In 2004, he died of a drug overdose.

I haven't gone to an LDS church service (not counting funerals) since February 1998. Which leads to the question of why I am even on this forum. I don't really know, actually. Lol I guess I just hope that somewhere somehow I can give a little advice or give support on how to move away from the grasp of the church without burning bridges and keeping family relationships intact. Maybe some advice on how to survive domestic violence, as well.
Somewhere on a toilet wall I read the words 'You form a line to formalize the former lies.' And I finally saw the truth - Slipknot

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Red Ryder
Posts: 4144
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 5:14 pm

Re: My Intro

Post by Red Ryder » Sun Nov 06, 2016 11:39 am

Welcome back!

One of the things I benefit the most from is reading the experiences of others who have had a different road in life than mine. Removing the mormon lense has opened up new emotions and experiences I've learned from. Things I've never experienced but have read about have impacted my perspective on life. It's been like owning one encyclopedia (Volume M) and one day realizing 25 other volumes existed. You think you learn and grow a lot. Then before too long, you get an internet connection and learning becomes open ended. In the past, I would have looked at someone and judged them on their appearance or lack of conformity. Now I look at someone and wonder what their life story is.

Thanks for sharing a part of yours!
“It always devolves to Pantaloons. Always.” ~ Fluffy

“I switched baristas” ~ Lady Gaga

“Those who do not move do not notice their chains.” ~Rosa Luxemburg

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Lithium Sunset
Posts: 220
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 8:11 pm

Re: My Intro

Post by Lithium Sunset » Tue Nov 08, 2016 9:45 am

Oh wow HighMaintenance.... what you have been through. Thanks for sharing your story. I am glad things are easier for you now.

I admire that you saw through the facade at an early age. Honestly, I got totally sucked in looking for something better in my youth. I enjoyed the "don't think about things, just listen to our answers" wrapped in a wholesome bow. I had my parents who were inactive on one side and my grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc who lived a better lifestyle on the other. I plan on writing an intro too. I think introductions can be half for others and half for ourselves... at least I think it will feel good to get it out.

I am glad you are here and joined again. When we have family in the church it's hard to feel 100% free. Family also keeps me from removing my name for now. Plus there is just something about this forum group... it draws you in and makes you want to stay(or check in). There are good people here and I enjoy all the different perspectives and insights.

Btw, have you broken down and adopted a puppy or dog? I had to put my sweet baby girl(cat) down in January. I ended up adopting another cat in April and I can't express how much comfort she gives me. We can't replace them or what they individually brought into out lives but I am not a whole person without a cat to love haha.
"The real things haven't changed. It is still best to be honest and truthful; to make the most of what we have; to be happy with simple pleasures; and have courage when things go wrong." -Laura Ingalls Wilder

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SeeNoEvil
Posts: 413
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 10:41 am

Re: My Intro

Post by SeeNoEvil » Tue Nov 08, 2016 10:57 am

HM.... your story resonated with me. Every voice is needed here no matter where we are on the journey. Different journeys bring different perspectives and "wisdom" to our table. There are many here on this board who have journeyed through and out of abuse. We get you and stand and cheer for you.

Lithium .... I love your kitty comments! I don't know where I would be without my furry friend. I have a dog who is 7. During my divorce I went one year without her because my landlord didn't allow pets. Unfortunately I had to let her stay one year with the ex. It took adding her to the divorce decree to get her back. He returned her to me abused. So together we are healing.

RR ... Well stated. In mormonism I never had to think. Now I have a brain.... imagine that!
"Every event that has taken place in this universe has led you to this moment.
... The real question is, what will you do with this moment?" - Unknown

"Never arrive @ a point where you know everything - Korihor57

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GoodBoy
Posts: 410
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 8:32 pm

Re: My Intro

Post by GoodBoy » Tue Nov 08, 2016 6:12 pm

HighMaintenance wrote:I guess I just hope that somewhere somehow I can give a little advice or give support on how to move away from the grasp of the church without burning bridges and keeping family relationships intact.
You have certainly succeeded in that. So good to see you.
Always been the good kid, but I wanted to know more, and to find and test truth.

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HighMaintenance
Posts: 127
Joined: Sat Nov 05, 2016 9:04 am

Re: My Intro

Post by HighMaintenance » Tue Nov 08, 2016 7:40 pm

Thank you everyone!

RR - I love your encyclopedia reference. We didn't have a TV through much of my growing up years. We did, however, have a huge bookcase full of books and an encyclopedia set. Once I worked my way through the books, I started reading the encyclopedias. :lol: The world is so damn amazing.

Lithium, we did end up getting another dog less than a month after losing our old guy. He came from the same kennel as the old guy, but wasn't working out very well in the home he went to. The kennel owner called me and asked if we would please please take him. He's a bit on the crazy side, but fits in very well with our family! He is attached to me at the hip.

Thank you SNE. It was an interesting journey through the abuse. I definitely came out the other side much more assertive and way less likely to put up with any BS.

GoodBoy, I hope I've succeeded. I think having a family that isn't completely wrapped up in being the poster Mormons really helps.

Good to see so many familiar faces, and hope to see a lot more new ones!
Somewhere on a toilet wall I read the words 'You form a line to formalize the former lies.' And I finally saw the truth - Slipknot

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