Consistently Confused

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IT_Veteran
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Re: Consistently Confused

Post by IT_Veteran » Fri Apr 27, 2018 1:11 pm

Jeffret wrote:
Fri Apr 27, 2018 10:35 am
IT_Veteran wrote:
Fri Apr 27, 2018 9:32 am
We're just in a place right now, I think, that we want to be authentic with people. It's nice to have a safe place like NOM to come and vent or ask questions, but I don't think either one of us are necessarily hiding anything from anybody.
It's nice to be in a situation like that. That's certainly not the case for many people. Including many people when they first come here to NOM. It's more common for them to try and stay under cover, particularly when they start out. But there are certainly those who are quite open about their religious views. In my case, I first started doing this 20-30 years ago when hardly anyone knew what the internet was. There was a certain degree of anonymity because hardly anyone was aware and the chance of finding anyone or anything specifically was pretty small. Since I've been gone from the church for quite a while I try not to make it a focus in my interactions outside of NOM. But, it's pretty easy for anyone to figure out my identity if they want, such as on Facebook.
Yeah, I’m still honestly exploring the situation myself. Sometimes I’m not sure where to draw the line and I really thought it over before posting on Quora about it. I am kind of figuring it out as I go. The most important people in my life - wife, kids, immediate family on both sides - all know where I stand. I don’t think most of them know how I angry I am, I told them I was leaving when all I knew was that I couldn’t reconcile it with a scientific understanding of the world. That was before I read the CES letter. I’m still doing what I can to be respectful of their beliefs, so I’m more careful about the things I post on FB, but overall it’s been a pretty good transition so far. My wife’s transition, if she decides to go that way, will likely not be as straightforward with how angry her dad is with me right now.

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wtfluff
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Re: Consistently Confused

Post by wtfluff » Fri Apr 27, 2018 2:55 pm

IT_Veteran wrote:
Fri Apr 27, 2018 9:32 am
I've considered that before too. I actually posted a picture with me in it on the exmo subreddit a couple weeks ago. I sent a letter to my bishop to let him know I'm out. My kids know, and we've told them it's not a secret. My wife's closest friends are moslty ward members (we're outside Utah, so our ward covers about 60 miles of freeway - Google Earth calculations show almost 600 sq miles). She told them almost immediately after I told her I was out. I don't think they all know where she's at with her own belief now, but they've been pretty accepting of me.

So far, the bishop has honored my request to not send priesthood leaders, home teachers, or missionaries to rescue me. I haven't heard from him - at all - since I sent him my email. He's spoken to my wife once, at her request. We're just in a place right now, I think, that we want to be authentic with people. It's nice to have a safe place like NOM to come and vent or ask questions, but I don't think either one of us are necessarily hiding anything from anybody.

Edit: Forgot to add that I actually responded yesterday to a Quora question about why members chose to leave the church, so that's posted with my real name. I'm mostly done hiding from it. Mostly.
That's all well and good, but YOUR faith enlightenment is not the only "Coming Out" that has happened.

I don't want to discourage anyone from sharing, but there are also many instances of people in these situations having issues with what they share on the good ol' DAMU...
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

Keep the company of those who seek the truth - run from those who have found it -Václav Havel

Who taught you how to hate?

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IT_Veteran
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Re: Consistently Confused

Post by IT_Veteran » Fri Apr 27, 2018 5:49 pm

That’s fair. I didn’t post anything about it until she and I talked about it and made sure she was comfortable with the idea of everyone else finding out. She told our kids. She wrestled with the idea of sending an email to family coming out about her sexuality. Ultimately, she decided against it but said if they figure it out through her posts on social media or elsewhere, she wouldn’t mind at all.

As for stance on church issues, I’m less worried about my local leadership finding out (not likely, but plausible) than I am about her faith crisis being outed to family before she is ready to talk about it. I don’t think that’s as likely since nobody in the ward actually knows anybody in the family.

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No Tof
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Re: Consistently Confused

Post by No Tof » Sun Apr 29, 2018 9:55 am

Coming in late to this thread but welcome just the same.
Your willingness to share your situation with this group is, besides being interesting, helpful to us in similar situations. The challenges of faith growth and growing pains that accompany it are real. Knowing there can be successful outcomes is encouraging.

Others have cautioned you about those who might use your openness against you. I hope you don’t have much backlash from important folks in your life but that is part of the risk of living authentic lives.

Above all you have your partner. Most of us here are jealous of that.

Best to you.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I'll meet you there.
Rumi

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