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Post by Angel » Fri Jun 01, 2018 3:22 pm

As a transitioning member, as I say goodbye to some in one community, I'm hoping to find another.

I converted to the church in 97, TBM for quite some time... My faith crisis story started last summer - almost separated from my DH (kicked him out of the house for a few things...) and in the midst of this, another TBM family member was put in jail... painful thing involving my own kids and others... not sure if G-d calls pedophiles to serve in the bishopric and other leadership positions? Not just a case of one bad apple - it involved everyone who looked the other way, and sustained them knowing at least part of their history.

While I still consider myself to be a religious person, I am now broadening my belief system - I guess I will be non-denomination for a bit? Agnostic leaning theist? I have had spiritual experiences in the LDS church - why I converted in the first place, and I am trying to not get dragged down into negative thoughts. There were many good things in the LDS church, I just don't think it is led by G-d anymore, or perhaps parts are led by G-d and others not - but I do not think it is the only true church etc.. seems like a loving G-d would guide and direct everyone, no favoritism, that there is a little divine inspiration in all the religious groups out there. After thinking through the spiritual experiences I had at the LDS church, I never did receive confirmation on the BOM or prophets or the priesthood. I did receive personal guidance, and confirmation on the plan of salvation, have felt the spirit in the temple and in other meetings - but thinking back it was over generic things, things most humans would agree with.

Anyways, through this transition, I have gone from stay-at-home TBM mom, to working full+ time juggling kids etc. but loving my work. This thing I went through - women were the protectors, and women in my family provide... so yea, I have legitimate reasons I do not trust the priesthood, and have turned into a bit of a feminist through this - or at least an "equalist". Interesting, the new prophet Nelson married a girl who chose her career above family, has ended HT/VT and replaced with gender-neutral program, also now requires 2-deep leadership regardless of sexual orientation - I'm hoping the new youth program announced this weekend will be more gender neutral as well.

I go to church - kids need stability, it is where their friends are etc. etc. but I do not have a TR, do not have any callings ... part of me would love to go back to the good-old-TBM-days but part of me is angry/confused at G-d, and I just need something that makes sense for everyone on this planet - not just 1% of the population. I appreciate the need and advantages of being part of a faith community, and love many of the people in my ward...but I have to honor my own conscience and need to feel free to define my own beliefs, and hopefully not get anyone too angry when I do not support/sustain random priesthood leaders I do not know etc. etc. I enjoy church - donot agree with everything that is said, but agree with a lot of it - as with any group I suppose.

Looking forward to the "be one" celebration tonight - hoping they do a good job with it. I think it is great to see any organization acknowledge and address a painful past, to move towards a better future.

My short list of concerns:
  • Women's issues: Priesthood, polygamy, nurture vs. provide/protect roles
    Scripture literalism - for all scriptures, BoM, Bible, Book of Abraham etc. (flood, creation, etc.)
    LGBT issues, sexuality issues within church
    Racial issues (priesthood ban etc.)
What I like about the LDS church:
  • Genealogy, family sealing, FHE, family support
    Personal revelation, temples (even though I turned in my TR)
    General Christian values, be kind, serve, charity, forgiveness, repentance etc.
    Volunteer opportunities and aspects
I could be pushed one way or the other right now - back into activity, or out - either way, I now know religious views are not about what church you go to, it is about everyone's personal relationship with their Heavenly Family - no middle-man needed. For me, church has the possibility of being a nice community support type group, but it will not define my religious views - those will be, now and forever, my own - not defined by anyone but my own experiences and conscience. I am not losing my faith in G-d over this, I am just redefining it to be a more personal - individual faith. It will be an experiment, learning how to best see the role of others - of community - while at the same time retaining the rights of personal expression while trying not to offend or upset... Freedom of thought without contention? United in one heart without always agreeing on everything? is it possible do you think? I hope so.

Fascinating to hear everyone's stories. Feeling blessed to have the internet to connect with others.
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Re: Hello!

Post by IT_Veteran » Fri Jun 01, 2018 3:31 pm

Welcome, glad you found us!

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Re: Hello!

Post by GoodBoy » Fri Jun 01, 2018 4:21 pm

Welcome! So sorry you had to go through so many terrible experiences. It is a shock. Glad you stuck up for your kids.

Good luck in your search for truth!
Always been the good kid, but I wanted to know more, and to find and test truth.

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Re: Hello!

Post by Cadahangel » Sat Jun 02, 2018 7:58 am

You are welcome here if you ever need anything reach out to us we will help!

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Re: Hello!

Post by Angel » Sat Jun 02, 2018 10:05 am

Thanks for the welcomes everyone! I wish I had found this place earlier - I think the darkness is starting to give way to light, hope it is for everyone else out there too.
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Re: Hello!

Post by Somegirl » Mon Jun 04, 2018 1:38 pm

Angel, your story breaks my heart. I have never had problems with abuse from church or family members myself, but I have family members who have. Because of this, I have always been more of a helicopter parent - choosing to not let my children be far from me at church or family gatherings. I have felt relief in my decision to stop attending for the reason that my children will not be alone with church leadership. I wish you luck as you navigate your new path.

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Re: Hello!

Post by moksha » Mon Jun 04, 2018 10:28 pm

Angel wrote:
Fri Jun 01, 2018 3:22 pm
It will be an experiment, learning how to best see the role of others - of community - while at the same time retaining the rights of personal expression while trying not to offend or upset....
Welcome to the forum. Let's hope NOM 2.0 can provide the right catalyst for your experiment. Refining your own personal beliefs is always an admirable goal.
Good faith does not require evidence, but it also does not turn a blind eye to that evidence. Otherwise, it becomes misplaced faith.
-- Moksha

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Re: Hello!

Post by MoPag » Thu Jun 14, 2018 7:12 am

Welcome to our ward family!!

It's always a shock when you realize the church is run by men for men.
...walked eye-deep in hell
believing in old men’s lies...--Ezra Pound

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