Moving on Up and Out!

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Blairry
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Moving on Up and Out!

Post by Blairry » Tue May 14, 2019 4:45 pm

Hello! This is my first foray into online message boards so forgive me if the following introduction is too long or a text wall. I’ve been lurking on this site for a while now (almost a year). I officially stopped going to church a year ago after a 2-year period of “nuanced active membership”. Ultimately this in between period didn’t work for me and after much thought I made the decision to step away from the church. I’ve checked all the major Mormon boxes of temple marriage, mission, active participation in callings (Sunday school teacher, executive secretary, elder’s quorum president), full tithe payer etc. I’m the first to step away in my immediate family and having that conversation with my parents last thanksgiving was incredibly tough.

I have a beautiful spouse who has been incredibly supportive. I would consider her a nuanced believer who doesn’t believe in a hateful god who would separate us as death (this conflicts with general Mormon concepts). After deciding to leave I took a deep dive into the history of the church. I listened to Mormon Stories, Mormon Discussions, Infants on Thrones, Year of Polygamy podcasts in addition to reading books by Michael Quinn and browsing blogs online. I included my wife in my journey, I’d preface each conversation with the topic I wanted to discuss and asked her if she wanted to participate, and she did every time. He love and acceptance has allowed me to process my faith crisis in a healthy way. And I know this makes me luckier than some.

I’m not sure what prompted me to join this group. I guess I’m looking for a little bit of community. That’s the thing I miss the most about leaving. I do live along the Wasatch front and it looks like you all occasionally meet up in person and I may be interested in that. And I think it will help me process this transitional period in my life in (hopefully) a healthier way among like minded thinkers. I look forward to getting to know each of you!

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FiveFingerMnemonic
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Re: Moving on Up and Out!

Post by FiveFingerMnemonic » Tue May 14, 2019 5:02 pm

Welcome! Good intro. Many similarities in your journey to others around here. Loss of community is a downside. A lot of us still live in the community but not of the community. ;)

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slavereeno
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Re: Moving on Up and Out!

Post by slavereeno » Tue May 14, 2019 5:06 pm

Welcome, glad to hear you have a healthy relationship with your DW. Look forward to your posts.

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Linked
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Re: Moving on Up and Out!

Post by Linked » Wed May 15, 2019 2:42 pm

Welcome! It sounds like your relationship with your DW has survived your transition in beliefs, that is great. I look forward to your posts.
"I would write about life. Every person would be exactly as important as any other. All facts would also be given equal weightiness. Nothing would be left out. Let others bring order to chaos. I would bring chaos to order" - Kurt Vonnegut

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RubinHighlander
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Re: Moving on Up and Out!

Post by RubinHighlander » Wed May 15, 2019 3:07 pm

Excellent! Thanks for posting up with the tribe here. We probably are due for a NOMish lunch in the near future. So glad to see your DW supporting you. I see a bright and happy future ahead for your family. However, in spite of my 40+ years as a jello eatn, hand shaken, tithing paying, RM, TM, TBM, 2xEQP I do not have, nor did I ever have any metaphysical pretend priesthood power of discernment!
“Sir,' I said to the universe, 'I exist.' 'That,' said the universe, 'creates no sense of obligation in me whatsoever.”
--Douglas Adams

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzmYP3PbfXE

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jfro18
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Re: Moving on Up and Out!

Post by jfro18 » Wed May 15, 2019 3:23 pm

Welcome!

I've gotten a lot out of this group in having a place to bounce ideas off of, vent, and of course commiserate with.

I'd say I wish I lived closer to the others here so I could attend some NOM lunches, but I'm pretty happy to not be in a Mormon area so outside of family involvement I am very detached from it. :)

Glad you're here and looking forward to seeing your posts!

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MoPag
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Re: Moving on Up and Out!

Post by MoPag » Thu May 16, 2019 11:59 am

Welcome to the ward family!!! :D
...walked eye-deep in hell
believing in old men’s lies...--Ezra Pound

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Newme
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Re: Moving on Up and Out!

Post by Newme » Mon May 20, 2019 1:20 pm

Welcome! This place has helper me and others - as I hope it helps you.

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Guy
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Re: Moving on Up and Out!

Post by Guy » Wed May 22, 2019 2:17 pm

Welcome to the community. Always enjoy reading the process that people go through in their faith/crisis journey as I can often find much that relates to my journey.

You say that your DW is supportive and is "nuanced active" (interesting way of putting it), but what is her belief status now that you have become (I assume) a full-on non-believer? Is she joining you on this journey, or is she just supporting you in your journey while she remains a believer? Don't get me wrong, her support for you is great, but having her actually join you in the journey to being a non-believer is the best possible scenario. One that not many of us get to enjoy.

Look forward to more posts.
Good luck.
Happy Dissenter :D

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Blairry
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Re: Moving on Up and Out!

Post by Blairry » Tue May 28, 2019 11:32 am

Guy wrote:
Wed May 22, 2019 2:17 pm

You say that your DW is supportive and is "nuanced active" (interesting way of putting it), but what is her belief status now that you have become (I assume) a full-on non-believer? Is she joining you on this journey, or is she just supporting you in your journey while she remains a believer? Don't get me wrong, her support for you is great, but having her actually join you in the journey to being a non-believer is the best possible scenario. One that not many of us get to enjoy.
I'm pretty new to online forums so hopefully the quote part worked right! I'm not sure how else to describe her belief. On the outside she's Mormon, she goes to church, has a calling in Young Women's and pays tithing on her income. But internally she describes beliefs that don't align with mormon doctrine. She also doesn't apologize for church mistakes like blacks and the priesthood or the November exclusion policy and acknowledges the real harm those policies do, so "nuanced active" is the best phrase I can use to describe it.

She is supporting me on my journey while she remains a believer. I have a hard time understanding, at least for us personally, how her joining me on the journey is a better alternative. I know many of you have been in a mixed faith marriage far longer than I have, is there something I'm missing? In many ways her staying a believer has allowed me to bridge a gap with other family members. She's supportive 100% to me and still gives active family members a "safe" place to ask the questions they really have, but are too afraid to ask me. I guess I reject the "evenly yoked oxen" parable the church parrots on both sides of the equation.

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Red Ryder
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Re: Moving on Up and Out!

Post by Red Ryder » Wed Jun 05, 2019 6:44 am

“Blairry” wrote:
She is supporting me on my journey while she remains a believer. I have a hard time understanding, at least for us personally, how her joining me on the journey is a better alternative. I know many of you have been in a mixed faith marriage far longer than I have, is there something I'm missing? In many ways her staying a believer has allowed me to bridge a gap with other family members. She's supportive 100% to me and still gives active family members a "safe" place to ask the questions they really have, but are too afraid to ask me. I guess I reject the "evenly yoked oxen" parable the church parrots on both sides of the equation.
I would suggest that she’s an emotional Mormon. No real testimony, other than she “knows it’s true” because it makes her feelz good!

My wife is this way. She knows some of the dirty laundry like polygamy and racism, etc but shrugs it all off as things of the past.

Her testimony is built on singing, socializing, and sitting next to family on Sunday.

It also means she chooses me over the church!

My advice is to build your relationship with your wife first and remain the great guy she married.

Love your wife more than you hate the church!
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

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Just This Guy
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Re: Moving on Up and Out!

Post by Just This Guy » Thu Jun 20, 2019 6:50 am

Blairry wrote:
Tue May 14, 2019 4:45 pm
Hello! This is my first foray into online message boards so forgive me if the following introduction is too long or a text wall.
Believe me, this is sort for some of the posts here. Also, it is well written, contained good grammar, punctuation, and standardized formation, so I won't worry about it being a text wall. You are doing just fine.

Welcome to the site. Please enjoy your stay.
Last edited by Just This Guy on Fri Jun 21, 2019 4:48 am, edited 1 time in total.
"The story so far: In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move." -- Douglas Adams

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Angel
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Re: Moving on Up and Out!

Post by Angel » Thu Jun 20, 2019 6:31 pm

Blairry wrote:
Tue May 28, 2019 11:32 am


She is supporting me on my journey while she remains a believer. I have a hard time understanding, at least for us personally, how her joining me on the journey is a better alternative. I know many of you have been in a mixed faith marriage far longer than I have, is there something I'm missing? In many ways her staying a believer has allowed me to bridge a gap with other family members. She's supportive 100% to me and still gives active family members a "safe" place to ask the questions they really have, but are too afraid to ask me. I guess I reject the "evenly yoked oxen" parable the church parrots on both sides of the equation.
Fellow mixed-family member here (husband still active) and yes, having one person who is active does help bridge the gap with - not just family members - but friends. My husband supports me - gives me his Starbucks gift cards from work ;) but he will not talk through the issues with me, just has a hard time talking through things altogether - and we have been through some really rough things that I am happy to walk away from as much as possible too... it works - the kids appreciate the freedom that mixed-faith-parents give them to believe and do what they want. There is a special kind of bond - that transcends religious beliefs that can be attained I think.

Belated welcome, hope to read a few more posts from you - and hope you are able to find a local group to hang out with :)
“You have learned something...That always feels at first as if you have lost something.” George Bernard Shaw
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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