My NOM 2.0 Intro

[Deepthinker]

Hi everyone! I’m a seventh-generation Mormon, BIC, served a faithful 2-year mission in England, married in the temple, five children (3 boys – 19, 17, 9 and 2 girls – 16, 12). I come from Mormon pioneer stock on both sides. One of my ancestors was one of the teenage young men from the relief party that carried some of the people in the Martin and Willie handcart company across the Sweetwater River.

I have been active in the church my entire life, never had times where I took a break. I’m still what you would consider active (serving as Executive Secretary right now), although I now have quite different beliefs.

I was raised in a strict Mormon family, 2nd oldest of 7 kids (4 boys, 3 girls), in Arizona until I was 10 and then Utah ever since. I still live in Utah, the southern part.

Ever since the start of High School, I always wanted to be an engineer. My career path was decided early and that’s what I’m still doing now. I graduated from Utah State, never had the desire to go to BYU even though I received the acceptance letter. I met my wife in the college singles ward. I was her home teacher, a very Mormon way to meet.

I always took everything the church taught very seriously, believed the prophet spoke to God and that the apostles and first presidency were actual physical witnesses of Christ. I believed it all and lived it all.

On my mission I came across plenty of what I considered anti-Mormon information. It was easy at the time to brush much of it off because of how some things were not accurate, and the things I hadn’t heard before (Joseph Smith’s wives, etc.) I lumped together with the inaccurate stuff.

After starting my family and career, something happened that shook the sheltered Mormon life I was living. My dad was excommunicated and served time in jail. I won’t go into the details, but this really woke me up to reality. I was living within a bubble before, and that had been burst. My parents had lied to me and my other siblings for years, with something related to this event and only came to light because of this event. I was devastated that they would lie to me. I think this was an important event that made me start to wonder about other things my parents might have lied to me about. It taught me a lesson that for me, I wanted to just know the truth and not hide anything. Which still pains me to think that I'm hiding my faith transition from our kids.

Fast forwarding to about 10 years ago I began posting on online forums which started out to discuss politics, and began to be more about responding to people's questions and issues related to Mormonism. While some conversations I initiated, most were in response to others' questions about Mormonism. As the years went on, I felt as though I was helping to change people’s perceptions of Mormons and that my own testimony was being strengthened by being able to resolve at least some people's misconceptions about my faith.

I shared with my wife what I was doing, and although she didn't share my enthusiasm, she supported me and even pointed out an Ensign article about how we should be sharing the Gospel online. I felt as though truth was on my side and I had nothing to be concerned about with any issues that were brought before me. I also had seen the “crazy” information from “anti-Mormons” on my mission.

The reality was that the more I dug in and tried to defend my stronghold of beliefs, the more I felt I was slowly chipping away at my testimony. I began to notice my own actions over the years that in so many very subtle ways were a reflection of the doubt growing within me. I didn't see that for what it really was for years.

Some of the signs included the fact that I stopped bearing my testimony about Joseph Smith and the Book of Mormon and instead focused on Christ. I began to share spiritual thoughts in Bishopric and ward council meetings where I would use “outside” sources or again only focus on Christ. I even started to respond to some people's questions posted online in a way that distanced me from the church, such as saying this is what the LDS church teaches, instead of saying this is what I believe.

I finally came across the Book of Abraham issues in one of the online forums. It was the first time I allowed myself to say in my mind: “maybe Joseph Smith wasn’t a prophet”. I’m sure many of you know what happens when you reach that point, which is why I’m on here.

Now I mostly maintain church activity to support my wife. I think she still sees me as an enemy to her testimony fortress. I’m not trying to destroy hers, and I've told her that; I’m seeking mutual respect and understanding at this point. I want to make things work regardless of her religious beliefs.

Everything I had to defend my testimony is now gone and I want her to see I’m still OK, that I’m not “destroyed”, that I’m still a father that can teach our kids morals and life lessons, that I'm a good person, that I’m still a husband who can connect deeply with her and love her.

[achilles]

Welcome, science guy.

The Book of Abraham facsimiles were the first cracks in my dam.

[Emower]

The BOA was a major problem for me as well. Thanks for your story. My wife and I have come to an understanding. She is still tbm, but I tried very hard not to be angry at things. This enabled us to have back and forth discussions about things. She understands me even if she doesn't agree with me.

[Fifi de la Vergne]

Every time I see your avatar it makes me smile. Thanks for sharing your story.

[Deepthinker]

Every time I see your avatar it makes me smile. Thanks for sharing your story.

I'm glad it makes other people smile.