Emotional connectedness

Discussions about negotiating relationships between faithful LDS believers and the apostates who love them. This applies in particular to mixed-faith marriages, but relations with children, parents, siblings, friends, and ward members is very welcome.
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Angel
Posts: 58
Joined: Thu May 31, 2018 8:26 am

Emotional connectedness

Post by Angel » Sun Jun 03, 2018 10:36 am

My DH and I are both balancing on the fence. Last weekend both of us were called to talk with the Bishop - not knowing what about... Bishop wanted to give us temple recommends back, and we both turned him down. I was relieved my DH refused to get his TR, had hopes of taking a new faith journey together, was so happy, felt closer to him through that than ever before... then today now it sounds like he wants to go TBM again? I chose not to spend the day depressed. I will not hold myself to these expectations. Do I try to "convert" him into embracing and enjoying the human experience? Or support his need for becoming active again?

Another weepy testimony meeting.. I am choosing not to cry, I am choosing to be happy. Happiness is not holding unrealistic expectations for myself or anyone else.
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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crossmyheart
Posts: 238
Joined: Mon Apr 24, 2017 6:02 am
Location: Where the wind comes sweeping down the plain

Re: Emotional connectedness

Post by crossmyheart » Sun Jun 03, 2018 10:59 am

This whole experience is an emotional roller coaster. I remember flip-flopping a lot in the beginning. But it didn't take long for me to read my way out of belief. My DH on the other hand is not much of a reader- he still things the church is a nice place to be and isn't interested in the details. He is probably closer to the definition of a Jack-Mormon. He flip flops regularly- he likes staying home on Sundays and having family activities, but on occasion he yearns for the spiritual uplift and community. I am not going to deny him that- so we have worked out a comfortable medium. Sometimes we go to church, but most often we don't. I think so far this year we have gone 4 or 5 times.

The process that has worked best for me is to let him decide whether we go to church or an activity or not. I used to think we would both get out together, but I have found he may never reach the same level of unbelief. I still love him and want him to find his own path. What matters is that we are working on it together. Not everyone on this site has that level of openness.

Baby steps.

Margarita
Posts: 84
Joined: Sat May 06, 2017 4:21 pm

Re: Emotional connectedness

Post by Margarita » Thu Jun 14, 2018 11:08 am

Time to talk pros and cons...there has to be a reason for disaffection in the first place..and with that the knowledge that he has choices witout the church..that will be stifled within. I don't think you can play games..but some questions on why he wants to give up any choice? Keep us posted..I just lost a friend to suicide ..age 64..because she went back to this church. Hugs and love..let him know that outside the church that love, acceptance and tolerance..is so abundant and important.

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Angel
Posts: 58
Joined: Thu May 31, 2018 8:26 am

Re: Emotional connectedness

Post by Angel » Fri Jul 06, 2018 12:58 pm

Just an update - DH and I just registered for a Mormon Stories retreat - he is still trying to be active in the church, but he was also willing to go to the retreat with me which is wonderful. We also have a large book collection... a library - he likes to collect nice copies of books, and he has started ordering other religious texts - the Tao Te Ching, the Koran, the Bhagavad-Gita (cannot get that one as a nice leather bound copy LOL). I am going very slowly and gently with him, not pushing anything even though I am so impatient - I so want to take this next spiritual journey. We will see what the retreat is like, and what he comes out of it with. Send prayers and good vibes our way that this will be a good experience for him.

Next up - the kids... our kids are TBM's...
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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