Mr. and Mrs. Græy's Stuff

Discussions about negotiating relationships between faithful LDS believers and the apostates who love them. This applies in particular to mixed-faith marriages, but relations with children, parents, siblings, friends, and ward members is very welcome.
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græy
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Location: Central TX

Re: Mr. and Mrs. Græy's Stuff

Post by græy » Thu Aug 27, 2020 12:42 pm

I was a founding listener to the Marriage on a Tightrope podcast. After the first few episodes I invited DW to listen as well, and to my surprise, she did. After the first 10 or so episodes she started to pull back a bit and now generally only listens to new episodes when I specifically recommend one. That said, when the new round of Marriage on a Tightrope workshop classes came up this summer, I asked if she'd be interested and she agreed!

It has been awesome!

Conversations that previously just led to crying and shutting down have now been possible and even productive! I feel we have made great progress in terms of her actually understanding where I am at with my belief and willingness to participate in church. It has been a breath of fresh air for both of us.

Our previous attempts at therapy fell through, and now that we've gone through this class, I'm glad they did. We are still planning therapy for the not-too-distant future, but these classes have definitely started us off on a positive path for working through differences.
I'm better than dirt... well most dirt. Not that fancy store bought stuff, I can't compete with that... full of nutrients and everything. -Moe Sizlack

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Random
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Joined: Sun Feb 19, 2017 8:44 pm

Re: Mr. and Mrs. Græy's Stuff

Post by Random » Fri Aug 28, 2020 2:05 pm

That's awesome, Graey!
There are 2 Gods. One who created us. The other you created. The God you made up is just like you-thrives on flattery-makes you live in fear.

Believe in the God who created us. And the God you created should be abolished.
PK

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jfro18
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Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2018 8:41 pm

Re: Mr. and Mrs. Græy's Stuff

Post by jfro18 » Sat Aug 29, 2020 11:30 am

That sounds really promising and hopefully it opens some doors up. I hope you let Allan know if you haven't - he's been great to follow on Facebook (I have not had any interactions with his wife outside of listening to their interview with RFM) and I know their podcast has helped a lot of people!

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græy
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Location: Central TX

Re: Mr. and Mrs. Græy's Stuff

Post by græy » Mon Nov 16, 2020 9:08 am

I recently learned of our ward council's plans to contact families who don't seem to be coming back from the pandemic quarantine (https://newordermormon.net/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=5528), and shared that plan with my DW.

I had also previously mentioned the recent leadership training (https://newordermormon.net/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=5512) where the visiting 70 just seemed to exude fear that people won't return.

After I mentioned the ward's new plan to contact everyone, DW laughed a bit and commented that they should be afraid, lots of people are "choosing to be lazy and probably won't come back. Like you."

I nearly lost it and spoke/yelled back. I am NOT lazy. I have been doing everything for this ward for the past 4 1/2 years in the bishopric and now as EQP! And I am still here!

I stopped there, but wish I had kept going.

I have been going to meetings, service projects, moves. I organized meetings, found speakers, gave dozens of talks myself (which is not easy when I have to plan every single word to avoid feeling like I'm lying). I've had late-night phone calls with guys going through divorce, given mask-clad blessing to single ladies who were dying of cancer or afraid their children were dying of COVID. And I am still here!

Most church members (including DW) don't read, they don't study, at least not anything beyond their daily recommended 10 minutes of BoM indoctrination. I have been studying, reading, pondering just about everything I can get my hands on for almost 5 years now! I've put more time into learning about historical Jesus, the gospel, the apostacy, the restoration, and modern prophets in the past months than most active members do in their lifetime. And she sees me as the lazy one!?

My beliefs have changed, but I don't despise going to church because I've become lazy. I don't want to go to meetings because they cannot give what they claim to provide. The church and most of its members aren't any better at discerning truth from lies when it stands on a national political debate platform and looks them in the face than they are when it is crying at them from behind a pulpit.

Maybe the people who aren't coming back aren't lazy either. Maybe they just realized they aren't getting anything out of their relationship with the church other than shortened weekends, Sundays fully of stress and family fighting, and guilt for all those sins of omission.
I'm better than dirt... well most dirt. Not that fancy store bought stuff, I can't compete with that... full of nutrients and everything. -Moe Sizlack

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Red Ryder
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Re: Mr. and Mrs. Græy's Stuff

Post by Red Ryder » Mon Nov 16, 2020 1:28 pm

There’s worse things to be called in the Mormon church:

1. Porn addict
2. Offended
3. Unbeliever
4. Unworthy

I’d rather be called lazy than unworthy.

Wear your lazy badge with honor!

Seriously though, you’re going to break down someday and quit like the rest of us lazy apostates that carried the ward on our shoulders.
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

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jfro18
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Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2018 8:41 pm

Re: Mr. and Mrs. Græy's Stuff

Post by jfro18 » Mon Nov 23, 2020 2:35 pm

So sorry græy... that's a punch to the gut when you hear things like that, and I know it can be hard to restrain the response to it.

You're probably better off for stopping where you did although I'm sure it would've felt better in the short term to keep going.

I have no words of wisdom since I'm not in a better place than you with this stuf, but I definitely feel for you on that one and hope things get better.

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