Baby Steps: I get to have more agency?!

Discussions about negotiating relationships between faithful LDS believers and the apostates who love them. This applies in particular to mixed-faith marriages, but relations with children, parents, siblings, friends, and ward members is very welcome.
Post Reply
Posts: 211
Joined: Mon Aug 12, 2019 2:48 pm

Baby Steps: I get to have more agency?!

Post by stuck » Fri Aug 05, 2022 1:16 pm

My wife has been seeing a counselor for some anxiety. Recently she saw her and told her that one of her main sources of her anxiety was my faith crisis/transition. The counselor told her that she shouldn't be like Satan and not give me agency. In my mind I was like yes! She says that she feels like she has the sole responsibility of saving her kids because I am not helping much or I don't believe anymore. Gee it would be nice if Mormons were like born again Christians right? That would mean that they would only have to believe in Jesus and try to follow him and then they would be saved. Anyway, it doesn't help that her parents have said things to make her feel like she is solely responsible for the kid's salvation now.

Going forward I think the challenge will be to have her allow me to have some influence on the kid's beliefs. I think she would prefer to only teach the kids the faith promoting church approved stuff. She doesn't want them to learn about the other side of things in case they lose their faith and belief. I think if she insists on this that it will be doing our kids a disservice because they will probably end up going on missions without knowing the "skeletons in the church's closet. And so they will not have the appropriate informed consent. Perhaps I will just have to let her know that if they ask why I don't believe in the church as much or what my thoughts are on the church or BoM that I will feel obligated to tell the truth about those things.

Hopefully she will loosen up a bit and come to a "knowledge of the truth" before too long so that we can be on more or less the same page. I think her fear is that our family may fall apart if we leave the church. She has some cousins where that has happened, but she has others that it hasn't happened. She does have some concerns about polygamy and maybe that could be a starting point. Do you guys have any suggestions for books that might get her thinking etc.?

User avatar
Red Ryder
Posts: 3719
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 5:14 pm

Re: Baby Steps: I get to have more agency?!

Post by Red Ryder » Fri Aug 05, 2022 2:32 pm

Here’s a great podcast she can relate to. Take a listen first and determine if you think she will like it then find a way for her to listen. Show her you have empathy for her “extra responsibilities” and perhaps she can understand why Mormon women feel the way they do in your situation.

At Last She Said It
Episode 5: Men Don’t have a Giant Church Bag. ... urch-bag-0
“I switched baristas” —Lady Gaga

Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest