Another Testament of Marriage

[ThirdTier]

Does anyone have experience with another testament of marriage?

[SincereInquirer]

Yes. DW is a member of that group. I am pretty sure that there are several others here that have a spouse in that group.

My experience with having DW in the group has not proven to be a positive for me or our relationship. I think there have been some positives for DW, but overall participation in it has been a downer.

[Just This Guy]

What is "Another Testament of Marriage"?

[deacon blues]

What is "Another Testament of Marriage"?

Yeah, what?

[chesteridaho]

"Another Testament of Marriage" is a private Facebook group for the believing spouse in mixed faith marriages.

My DW is a member. Many of the posts are the believing spouses posting horror stories from their marriages. My DW has come to me several times after reading about someones spouse going off into the "deep end". At times it has helped because she realizes her situation is not as bad as some and is grateful for the slow approach I have taken to my change of faith. Other times she freaks out that I am going to become one of the red-eyed, coffee drinking, drunk spouses that she reads about in the group.

On the other side, I know that a few times she has received positive support and some good advice that has helped our relationship. From the things she has shared with me I have become more empathetic to the impact that a faith transition has on the believing spouse.

She mentioned a couple of weeks ago that she doesn't read the group's posts as often as she used to, because she didn't like reading all of the sad stories of people getting divorced.

[Corsair]

I tried to get my wife to join that group but she declined. I was hoping that additional perspective would help her process my transition and hopefully appreciate that I still participate in the ward. This has not worked well so far. I fear that I should simply walk into my house drinking coffee to have the conversation I would like to have with her.

[chesteridaho]

I fear that I should simply walk into my house drinking coffee to have the conversation I would like to have with her.

This accidentally happened to me. This past weekend my wife was visiting family in SLC, so I brought home my coffee lab (AeroPress) from the office. I accidentally left my spouted glass measuring cup out on the counter. She was not happy when she discovered where it came from. We had a long talk. I understand that I was the one that changed the rules of the game. She understands that my rules are now different. So, I agreed to no coffee in the house and she has no problem with it at work.

[Hermey]

My wife is in that group. Those people are crazy. I don't think she posts much there. I have mixed feelings about it. Like with all things church related, including that group, if you give them enough rope, they will eventually hang themselves because the crazy rises to the top and shines brightly.

[Dravin]

This accidentally happened to me. This past weekend my wife was visiting family in SLC, so I brought home my coffee lab (AeroPress) from the office. I accidentally left my spouted glass measuring cup out on the counter. She was not happy when she discovered where it came from. We had a long talk. I understand that I was the one that changed the rules of the game. She understands that my rules are now different. So, I agreed to no coffee in the house and she has no problem with it at work.

I find it interesting how many spouses have issues with seeing evidence of something they know is going on. My wife for instance knows I drink, she's accepted this. We've even agreed I can enjoy a beer in my man cave as long as I'm not getting hosed and keep the evidence out of sight (which leaves me sticking beer bottles under my shirt or in my pants pocket on my way to the man cave if she's in the living room which I have to pass through). The other day however, I was expecting her to be in her home office so I simply had it in my hand when I bumped into her entering the kitchen. I nonchalantly stuck it in my pocket without raising a fuss but I'm pretty sure she saw it as she dropped an item she was holding in what I presume to be shock.

In my case, she knows and accepts my actions, so she didn't complain since I wasn't doing anything against the rules by what I did but she was shocked nonetheless. In your case, she knows and accepts you drink coffee at work but wasn't happy when confronted by physical evidence confirming what she already knows (unless her concern was you were sneaking your coffee drinking into the house, that's a somewhat different scenario given the understanding you have with her on the subject).

Life, it's a wild ride.

[Giant Sloth]

My wife joined it when I was disbelieving and she was believing.

She found it distasteful the way people spoke of their spouses as a "trial".

She quit it after a few weeks. Eventually she quit church with me.

[AzCommando]

My wife is in that group. Those people are crazy. I don't think she posts much there. I have mixed feelings about it. Like with all things church related, including that group, if you give them enough rope, they will eventually hang themselves because the crazy rises to the top and shines brightly.

Maybe I should direct the wife, or maybe not. I never heard of this group. Excellent thought Hermey. LMAO.

[DPRoberts]

I may be mistaken, but is that the private group that evolved out of the Faces East forum? That forum is still online, although not very active. The problem I have with that forum is that it all starts from the point of view that the believing spouse has to bring the disaffected spouse back to the church. Pretty much thinking inside of the Mormon box. That is not terribly helpful. The support the believing spouse needs is something that will allow them to respect the choices of the disaffected partner as having equal validity with their choice to stay. You cannot get there from orthodox Mormonism.

I think the reason Faces East went to a closed FB group is that they were getting more unorthodox posts on that forum than they wanted. They wanted more of an echo chamber.

I would like my DW to find support online, but only if it is of a more pragmatic bent with little if any magical thinking. I have not found that yet, so I have not suggested any to her.