Post
by RubinHighlander » Wed Nov 09, 2016 3:54 pm
Vlad, I've been there, watching DW crying and sobbing about how this was not what we had committed to each other, not what she had signed up for when we married then later sealed in the temple. It was very emotionally difficult for her, especially where this was her third try to get into an eternal marriage. She had some rough past situations and had her life fall apart multiple times. When we found each other it was like a dream come true for both of us. Then several years later, my shelf bowed and broke and she was just bewildered.
It was heartbreaking for me to watch her go through it and it really added to my cogdis and anger I felt toward the church. While I was still active, though not believing, I double my efforts to be a great husband and I reiterated to DW that my love for her was important to me; more important than my own struggles with the church. I told her I'd do whatever it would take to make our relationship strong, including going to church, temple, whatever. She could see that I was sincere in my struggles with the truth claims. I didn't get into deep details with her but some topics would arise from time to time. She had her own complaints about polygamy and the priesthood misogyny. Opportunities did come over time. I was patient. Things began to unravel for her because her knowing my struggles had planted seeds of doubt for her. There were three main events for her that finally broke her shelf: The leaked policy on the gays, the seer stone out of the closet and finding out her married daughter and SIL didn't believe it anymore and were on their way out.
Another thing that helped DW was to skip a Sunday once in a while and get out on an adventure to somewhere awesome together. She experienced some metaphysical emotions (spiritual experiences) outside the walls the the church or temple that exceeded anything she'd felt before. For example, watching the Milky Way and stars reflecting off the perfect glass surface of the Salt Flats. By disconnecting those feelings from the church it was an epiphany of sorts.
I guess I'm lucky, because once I really knew it was all BS, I only had to tread the wine press for about a year, then DW caught up. Every situation is different, but what helped me is the patience, revealing my sincere struggle with some of the issues, increased love and opportunity to carefully explain a few facts about what is causing the doubts. Try to do it in a way that does not tread on their belief, but explain the issues causes you true cogdis pain. To to show her how you are only sincerely seeking the truth with the conscience and intelligence for which God blessed you (even if you don't believe in that white-haired old guy). Also, if she has anything on her shelf, look for opportunity to build on those things, line upon line, precept upon precept.
Good luck brother!
But, a TBM two step of that sort would probably be full of lame crap about not removing ones garments and other no-no's, so probably not much of a loss. 
