sparks and breadcrumbs

Discussions about negotiating relationships between faithful LDS believers and the apostates who love them. This applies in particular to mixed-faith marriages, but relations with children, parents, siblings, friends, and ward members is very welcome.
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sparks and breadcrumbs

Post by græy » Mon Jun 11, 2018 10:08 am

Saturday was a busy day. I spent the morning helping some friends with some work around their house. That afternoon I was lazing around for my single spare hour that day watching the USA/France soccer game when my wife happened to come join me for a few minutes.

While she was there, I noticed the rainbow colored numbers on the backs of the US players. That is their nod to supporting pride month. I mentioned the colors to my wife but didn't say anything else. The following conversation ensued:

W: "Is that where we are now?" (She has multiple non-church-member family members who are openly gay and in married/committed relationships. She didn't mean this to be disparaging, but typing it out now it kind of sounds like it is.)

Me: ... (not really sure what she was looking for there)

W: "Is it possible they're wrong? If church leaders were wrong about black people, is this the same thing?"

Me: "That is the million dollar question."

... And cue a short discussion about how gay marriage may or may not have a place in lds doctrine, how the church leaders have been and could be wrong but that they'd never admit it.

I cling to these sparks that show she is thinking, these breadcrumbs that show she might just possibly consider other answers. But they are very few and far between. Just an hour later she was in another room listening to recent general conference talks.
I'm better than dirt... well most dirt. Not that fancy store bought stuff, I can't compete with that... full of nutrients and everything. -Moe Sizlack

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Re: sparks and breadcrumbs

Post by jfro18 » Mon Jun 11, 2018 11:11 am

As I've read about others who have gone through this with spouses that still remain, the majority of people take months if not years to walk away. I would imagine this is how it starts- you have the moment of doubt and then recoil back into the church approved stuff because you feel like you can't let the doubt take hold.

I'd be encouraged by it even though you might not get the next spark of hope for a while... but you never know. A lot of the stories I've listened to or read have that moment where it just breaks the shelf completely... so it could happen at any time *if* she's truly open to the idea that the church might be wrong.

I hope you find that success soon - would be great to hear a story that ends with both walking away. :D

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Re: sparks and breadcrumbs

Post by Cadahangel » Tue Jun 12, 2018 8:28 am

It took my wife 5 years but now we are both happily out. There is hope

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Re: sparks and breadcrumbs

Post by No Tof » Thu Nov 08, 2018 6:09 pm


I think, sadly, my patience is running out. I do hope, but anytime a spark or breadcrumb looks real, it turns out to be a mirage.

Thanks for sharing a positive moment though. Longing for a day when we could even talk openly about the church.
Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and right doing, there is a field. I'll meet you there.

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Re: sparks and breadcrumbs

Post by MerrieMiss » Fri Nov 09, 2018 2:24 pm

My husband has been dropping a lot of bread crumbs, but nothing is really changing. I know it takes time. I didn't change overnight. But the patience it takes is aggravating.

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