"I don't get you.."

Discussions about negotiating relationships between faithful LDS believers and the apostates who love them. This applies in particular to mixed-faith marriages, but relations with children, parents, siblings, friends, and ward members is very welcome.
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Thoughtful
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"I don't get you.."

Post by Thoughtful » Sun Jun 17, 2018 9:23 am

I mentioned to Spouseman that between sexual abuse cover ups locally and generally, and the 32 billion cash stash, that I won't pay tithing anymore. I suggested we choose some local or meaningful places to donate our tithe. He shrugged, completely indifferent. I also said that if he wants me to keep a reccomend, I plan to nuance my way through it, and it's gonna take a lot of nuance. To both things, he was completely indifferent. "People go to the temple all the time while living all sorts of ways. May as well keep the recommended in case someone gets married."

Later, I said: I don't get you.
S: What, why?
M: well, I basically tell you I'm heading for eternal damnation according to the church, and there's zero judgement from you. But if I don't put the TP on right I can feel the judgement with every fiber of my being, even if you don't say anything.
S: I just cannot take it. It makes perfect sense to me.

On a scale of sin, apparently toilet paper is the worst.

Also, at dinner the kids said something about polygamy (I have a friend whose hubby has FLDS roots) and the kids asked a question. I noted the D&C gives the wife a chance to approve, but if she doesn't, she might be destroyed. My 17yo thought that was ridiculous. My 13 yo was not impressed, said its bad for women. I said, "Mormon heaven might just be a sausage party."

That cracked the kids up. Spouseman chuckled instead of getting irritated with me. Hmmmm.

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alas
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Re: "I don't get you.."

Post by alas » Sun Jun 17, 2018 9:41 am

OK, it is actually pretty funny/weird that your spouse man gets more upset about the TP than being less than honest in the TR interview or paying tithing. But on the other hand, I completely understand it. The TP being on "wrong" is one of those petty irritants that can drive people crazy. The TR interview doesn't directly hurt him, and he is right that people tell much worse lies to get a TR, and that is one of those things that is so far out of his control that he just can't worry about it. It isn't that it isn't important, but just what he has come to expect. Sort of like me and the EPA under Scott Pruit. I can't do a thing about it and it has just come to be what I expect, so why bang my head against the wall when he pulls down one more protection for our air and water. We come to expect it and really are in no position to do anything about it, so eh. But that toilet paper bugs us every time we sit at the toilet. We focus on the small irritant to keep from going overboard on things we can't change. It isn't that it doesn't matter, it is just that we feel powerless. So, we assert power over what we still can.

Maybe. Or maybe he is more NOM or Jack than you think he is, and the toilet paper is driving him nuts.

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wtfluff
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Re: "I don't get you.."

Post by wtfluff » Sun Jun 17, 2018 12:10 pm

Thoughtful wrote:
Sun Jun 17, 2018 9:23 am
I don't get you.
Sounds to me like the basic, underling theme of being human: We never truly "get" other people's motivations, and the same happens in reverse.

Sigh...
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

Keep the company of those who seek the truth - run from those who have found it -Václav Havel

Who taught you how to hate?

Thoughtful
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Joined: Wed Apr 19, 2017 9:54 pm

Re: "I don't get you.."

Post by Thoughtful » Sun Jun 17, 2018 10:38 pm

alas wrote:
Sun Jun 17, 2018 9:41 am
OK, it is actually pretty funny/weird that your spouse man gets more upset about the TP than being less than honest in the TR interview or paying tithing. But on the other hand, I completely understand it. The TP being on "wrong" is one of those petty irritants that can drive people crazy. The TR interview doesn't directly hurt him, and he is right that people tell much worse lies to get a TR, and that is one of those things that is so far out of his control that he just can't worry about it. It isn't that it isn't important, but just what he has come to expect. Sort of like me and the EPA under Scott Pruit. I can't do a thing about it and it has just come to be what I expect, so why bang my head against the wall when he pulls down one more protection for our air and water. We come to expect it and really are in no position to do anything about it, so eh. But that toilet paper bugs us every time we sit at the toilet. We focus on the small irritant to keep from going overboard on things we can't change. It isn't that it doesn't matter, it is just that we feel powerless. So, we assert power over what we still can.

Maybe. Or maybe he is more NOM or Jack than you think he is, and the toilet paper is driving him nuts.
Yes. I found the whole thing humorous. The TP thing is lighthearted as far as I dont case whichway it faces, and he does, so we go with his deal. It's warm fuzzy to me that keeping him happy is just as much as facing the TP correctly and whatever crazy I dish out is (now, finally) just something he's indifferent on...I think that is an indicator the insecurity a faith crisis creates for the believing spouse is maybe resolving. :) I think his shelf has suffered this year though so hopefully he's NOM/ jack whatever.

We're leaving tomorrow for a vacation. He's not packing garments and we can fly with just carry on luggage as a result.

He's in the bathroom singing "perfect" by Ed Sheeran. Life is good and TP is installed correctly.

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MerrieMiss
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Re: "I don't get you.."

Post by MerrieMiss » Mon Jun 18, 2018 2:52 pm

Yeah, I don't get my husband either, for the same kinds of reasons. He doesn't seem to care about all kinds of things, however he does care that we give the impression or project the image that we're pious, super active Mormons. He's more of a lazy TBM, definitely not a jackmormon or NOM. I think alas is on to something. I wonder sometimes what my husband thinks of me having a TR, because he knows there's serious nuancing going on, but he never says anything. However, neither of us have been to the temple in five years, so I guess maybe it just doesn't matter all that much, unlike the TP which gets a lot more attention.
The true opposite of order is not disorder but freedom. Most profoundly, the true opposite of control is not chaos but self-control. -Jay Griffiths

Thoughtful
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Re: "I don't get you.."

Post by Thoughtful » Thu Jun 21, 2018 4:01 pm

MerrieMiss wrote:
Mon Jun 18, 2018 2:52 pm
Yeah, I don't get my husband either, for the same kinds of reasons. He doesn't seem to care about all kinds of things, however he does care that we give the impression or project the image that we're pious, super active Mormons. He's more of a lazy TBM, definitely not a jackmormon or NOM. I think alas is on to something. I wonder sometimes what my husband thinks of me having a TR, because he knows there's serious nuancing going on, but he never says anything. However, neither of us have been to the temple in five years, so I guess maybe it just doesn't matter all that much, unlike the TP which gets a lot more attention.
So basically tribal markers...

Reuben
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Re: "I don't get you.."

Post by Reuben » Fri Jun 22, 2018 1:13 am

Thoughtful wrote:
Thu Jun 21, 2018 4:01 pm
MerrieMiss wrote:
Mon Jun 18, 2018 2:52 pm
Yeah, I don't get my husband either, for the same kinds of reasons. He doesn't seem to care about all kinds of things, however he does care that we give the impression or project the image that we're pious, super active Mormons. He's more of a lazy TBM, definitely not a jackmormon or NOM. I think alas is on to something. I wonder sometimes what my husband thinks of me having a TR, because he knows there's serious nuancing going on, but he never says anything. However, neither of us have been to the temple in five years, so I guess maybe it just doesn't matter all that much, unlike the TP which gets a lot more attention.
So basically tribal markers...
To be fair to him, Mormonism seems to do its best to tie a person's self-worth to exhibiting these tribal markers.

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