Baby steps - but progress!

Discussions about negotiating relationships between faithful LDS believers and the apostates who love them. This applies in particular to mixed-faith marriages, but relations with children, parents, siblings, friends, and ward members is very welcome.
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Newme
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Baby steps - but progress!

Post by Newme » Wed May 01, 2019 12:06 pm

DH did something surprising. Granted, I asked him to but still.

First some background. When we were dating, I was drinking an ice tea (I was kind of inactive) which he grabbed from me and threw in the trash, saying something about how I needed to get in line with the church. Yes, I dismissed that red flag.

The other day, DH was going to the store & among a couple other things, I asked if he’d pick up green tea for me. At first he said no but I explained how it’s healthy... and he bought it for me!!!

I feel strange being so happy about a relatively minor thing, but why not celebrate every bit of progress - no matter how small!

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Mormorrisey
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Re: Baby steps - but progress!

Post by Mormorrisey » Thu May 02, 2019 6:51 am

Small victories, especially when empathy is involved, are always a good thing in a marriage, whether it's religion or anything. I'm always looking for them!

Congrats on this small victory!
"And I don't need you...or, your homespun philosophies."
"And when you try to break my spirit, it won't work, because there's nothing left to break."

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RubinHighlander
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Re: Baby steps - but progress!

Post by RubinHighlander » Thu May 02, 2019 7:09 am

Newme wrote:
Wed May 01, 2019 12:06 pm
I feel strange being so happy about a relatively minor thing, but why not celebrate every bit of progress - no matter how small!
Congrats on your small win! You have to grab onto those little things. As TBMs, look how hard we grabbed on to any little thing to call it a blessing and attribute any good thing in our lives to us walking the path and running on the COBs treadmill. Even when bad things would happen we would sometimes say it could have been worse and that maybe we were being looked after.
“Sir,' I said to the universe, 'I exist.' 'That,' said the universe, 'creates no sense of obligation in me whatsoever.”
--Douglas Adams

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YzmYP3PbfXE

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jfro18
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Re: Baby steps - but progress!

Post by jfro18 » Thu May 02, 2019 11:16 am

That is good -- and it also (I want to think) helps to plant seeds in the believing spouse once they see that these things are not destructive that maybe the outside world is not the big, scary place the church wants us to believe it is.

Congrats on the win -- it might seem small to those outside of this religion, but it's definitely not small to anyone in it. :D

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slavereeno
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Re: Baby steps - but progress!

Post by slavereeno » Thu May 02, 2019 12:45 pm

Happy for you on the win!

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Newme
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Re: Baby steps - but progress!

Post by Newme » Thu May 02, 2019 4:08 pm

Mormorrisey wrote:
Thu May 02, 2019 6:51 am
Small victories, especially when empathy is involved, are always a good thing in a marriage, whether it's religion or anything. I'm always looking for them!

Congrats on this small victory!
Thank you!
Looking for them is good.

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Newme
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Re: Baby steps - but progress!

Post by Newme » Thu May 02, 2019 4:11 pm

RubinHighlander wrote:
Thu May 02, 2019 7:09 am
Newme wrote:
Wed May 01, 2019 12:06 pm
I feel strange being so happy about a relatively minor thing, but why not celebrate every bit of progress - no matter how small!
Congrats on your small win! You have to grab onto those little things. As TBMs, look how hard we grabbed on to any little thing to call it a blessing and attribute any good thing in our lives to us walking the path and running on the COBs treadmill. Even when bad things would happen we would sometimes say it could have been worse and that maybe we were being looked after.
Thanks.
Yeah, I was in a state of denial about so much. I think it’s good to be positive but it’s not all-or-nothing. And when my marriage seems mostly hopeless, I need to also remember that there are good things too.

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Newme
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Re: Baby steps - but progress!

Post by Newme » Thu May 02, 2019 4:16 pm

jfro18 wrote:
Thu May 02, 2019 11:16 am
That is good -- and it also (I want to think) helps to plant seeds in the believing spouse once they see that these things are not destructive that maybe the outside world is not the big, scary place the church wants us to believe it is.

Congrats on the win -- it might seem small to those outside of this religion, but it's definitely not small to anyone in it. :D
Thanks.
I agree! My son was pretty TBM (partly thanks to me before I realized better) & even though I tried repeatedly to tell him I was wrong about some things about the church, he gave me push back... until, he travelled internationally. Then he explained how after meeting so many nice, good people who weren’t lds, he’s reconsidering a mission because some people are happy, and may be happier, without it.

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Newme
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Re: Baby steps - but progress!

Post by Newme » Thu May 02, 2019 4:16 pm

slavereeno wrote:
Thu May 02, 2019 12:45 pm
Happy for you on the win!
Thank you!

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græy
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Re: Baby steps - but progress!

Post by græy » Mon May 06, 2019 10:39 am

This is a positive step! Supportive spouses make all the difference.
I'm better than dirt... well most dirt. Not that fancy store bought stuff, I can't compete with that... full of nutrients and everything. -Moe Sizlack

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Newme
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Re: Baby steps - but progress!

Post by Newme » Wed May 08, 2019 10:26 am

græy wrote:
Mon May 06, 2019 10:39 am
This is a positive step! Supportive spouses make all the difference.
Thanks. :)

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crossmyheart
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Re: Baby steps - but progress!

Post by crossmyheart » Thu May 09, 2019 1:17 pm

cool!

my favorite is sonic's diet green tea with a shot of raspberry flavor

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Hagoth
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Re: Baby steps - but progress!

Post by Hagoth » Thu May 09, 2019 5:29 pm

Today green tea. Tomorrow.... espresso!
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

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Newme
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Re: Baby steps - but progress!

Post by Newme » Sat May 25, 2019 10:39 pm

crossmyheart wrote:
Thu May 09, 2019 1:17 pm
cool!

my favorite is sonic's diet green tea with a shot of raspberry flavor
Sounds good!
Green tea is said to have multiple health benefits. Raspberries too! :)

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Newme
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Re: Baby steps - but progress!

Post by Newme » Sat May 25, 2019 10:39 pm

Hagoth wrote:
Thu May 09, 2019 5:29 pm
Today green tea. Tomorrow.... espresso!
:lol:

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