More than one way to Marry

Discussions about negotiating relationships between faithful LDS believers and the apostates who love them. This applies in particular to mixed-faith marriages, but relations with children, parents, siblings, friends, and ward members is very welcome.
Post Reply
User avatar
Angel
Posts: 372
Joined: Thu May 31, 2018 8:26 am

More than one way to Marry

Post by Angel » Tue Apr 27, 2021 7:56 pm

Reading through old posts, remembering one thing that saved my marriage and sanity, was re-defining what "marriage" was, seeing DH as a roommate, as an old friend, and no longer defining them in my mind as a "husband". I took off wedding ring, found a new way to approach and think through the whole relashionship, and it worked! Having a BFF roommate seems to be much better than having a husband. Just a thought.
“You have learned something...That always feels at first as if you have lost something.” George Bernard Shaw
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

User avatar
Red Ryder
Posts: 3359
Joined: Sun Oct 16, 2016 5:14 pm

Re: More than one way to Marry

Post by Red Ryder » Wed Apr 28, 2021 11:17 am

Angel wrote:
Tue Apr 27, 2021 7:56 pm
Reading through old posts, remembering one thing that saved my marriage and sanity, was re-defining what "marriage" was, seeing DH as a roommate, as an old friend, and no longer defining them in my mind as a "husband". I took off wedding ring, found a new way to approach and think through the whole relashionship, and it worked! Having a BFF roommate seems to be much better than having a husband. Just a thought.
I had a friend that actually got divorced but never moved out for various reasons. They got along and had a great relationship. He also reported their sex life was better which he said was odd, because they weren’t having sex as a married couple. I asked why he thought the relationship was better and all he could come up with was “either of us can get up and leave at anytime....”
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

User avatar
Angel
Posts: 372
Joined: Thu May 31, 2018 8:26 am

Re: More than one way to Marry

Post by Angel » Mon May 03, 2021 4:00 pm

Red Ryder wrote:
... I asked why he thought the relationship was better and all he could come up with was “either of us can get up and leave at anytime....”
Sometimes we do things out of obligation, or responsibility, and I agree it's good to be dependable, honorable.

Other things we do voluntarily- if you had free time, free to do anything you wanted, and it is the thing you choose.

I know marriage is supposed to be a choice, it starts as a choice...
“You have learned something...That always feels at first as if you have lost something.” George Bernard Shaw
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

User avatar
deacon blues
Posts: 1540
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 7:37 am

Re: More than one way to Marry

Post by deacon blues » Fri May 14, 2021 3:37 pm

As sung by Frank Sinatra-

Love and marriage, love and marriage,
Go together like a horse and carriage.
This I tell ya, brother, you can't have one without the other.

Love and marriage, love and marriage,
It's an institute you can't disparage.
Ask the local gentry and they will say it's elementary.

Try, try, try to separate them, it's an illusion.
Try, try, try and you only come to this conclusion:

Love and marriage, love and marriage,
Go together like a horse and carriage.
Dad was told by mother you can't have one
You can't have none.
You can't have one without the other.

[Musical interlude]

Try, try, try to separate them, it's an illusion.
Try, try, try and you only come to this conclusion:

Love and marriage, love and marriage,
Go together like a horse and carriage.
Dad was told by mother you can't have one
(You can't have none.)
You can't have one without the other.

I'm not saying this is 100% true. I'm just trying to add a different perspective. :D
God is Love. God is Truth. The greatest problem with organized religion is that the organization becomes god, rather than a means of serving God.

User avatar
deacon blues
Posts: 1540
Joined: Tue Oct 18, 2016 7:37 am

Re: More than one way to Marry

Post by deacon blues » Fri May 14, 2021 3:50 pm

I'll add another thing. When I was a teenager my parents were going through a rough patch. My Dad had run farm land owned by his father in law (my Grandpa) for 25 years. Dad even thought they had an understanding that he would buy or inherit it. Then my Grandpa decided to change the arrangement. This put my Mom in the middle of a big argument between Dad and Grandpa. Mom and Dad were having frequent arguments, and it bothered me. One morning my Mom woke me up at 5:30 and said "your Dad needs to talk to you about something important." I was sure they were going to tell me they divorcing. :cry: Instead, Dad said "Boyd, we are going to have to give up farming "Up the Creek." (Grandpa's Land.)

I remember a huge feeling of relief when I realized they weren't getting divorced! :)
God is Love. God is Truth. The greatest problem with organized religion is that the organization becomes god, rather than a means of serving God.

User avatar
Hagoth
Posts: 5621
Joined: Fri Oct 14, 2016 1:13 pm

Re: More than one way to Marry

Post by Hagoth » Sun May 16, 2021 6:31 am

Here's an off-the-wall question. Is it possible to get a temple divorce and remain civilly married? Keep the marriage but divorce the third member (the church) from it? You CAN get a civil divorce but remain temple-married. I guess resignation or excommunication would do the same thing but I'm just curious.
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

User avatar
jfro18
Posts: 1847
Joined: Mon Apr 23, 2018 8:41 pm

Re: More than one way to Marry

Post by jfro18 » Sun May 16, 2021 5:31 pm

Hagoth wrote:
Sun May 16, 2021 6:31 am
Here's an off-the-wall question. Is it possible to get a temple divorce and remain civilly married? Keep the marriage but divorce the third member (the church) from it? You CAN get a civil divorce but remain temple-married. I guess resignation or excommunication would do the same thing but I'm just curious.
Does resignation actually cancel the temple marriage/sealing? I've heard mixed answers on that one.

User avatar
Angel
Posts: 372
Joined: Thu May 31, 2018 8:26 am

Re: More than one way to Marry

Post by Angel » Tue May 18, 2021 7:41 pm

Hagoth wrote:
Sun May 16, 2021 6:31 am
Here's an off-the-wall question. Is it possible to get a temple divorce and remain civilly married? Keep the marriage but divorce the third member (the church) from it? You CAN get a civil divorce but remain temple-married. I guess resignation or excommunication would do the same thing but I'm just curious.
I removed my name, canceled my membership. I think that counts.
“You have learned something...That always feels at first as if you have lost something.” George Bernard Shaw
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

User avatar
Angel
Posts: 372
Joined: Thu May 31, 2018 8:26 am

Re: More than one way to Marry

Post by Angel » Tue May 18, 2021 7:48 pm

deacon blues wrote:
Fri May 14, 2021 3:37 pm
As sung by Frank Sinatra-

Love and marriage, love and marriage,
Go together like a horse and carriage.
This I tell ya, brother, you can't have one without the other.

Love and marriage, love and marriage,
It's an institute you can't disparage.
Ask the local gentry and they will say it's elementary.

Try, try, try to separate them, it's an illusion.
Try, try, try and you only come to this conclusion:

Love and marriage, love and marriage,
Go together like a horse and carriage.
Dad was told by mother you can't have one
You can't have none.
You can't have one without the other.

[Musical interlude]

Try, try, try to separate them, it's an illusion.
Try, try, try and you only come to this conclusion:

Love and marriage, love and marriage,
Go together like a horse and carriage.
Dad was told by mother you can't have one
(You can't have none.)
You can't have one without the other.

I'm not saying this is 100% true. I'm just trying to add a different perspective. :D
Allmusicals



(Tevye)
"Golde, I have decided to give Perchik permission to become engaged to our daughter, Hodel."

(Golde)
"What??? He's poor! He has nothing, absolutely nothing!"

(Tevye)
"He's a good man, Golde.
I like him. And what's more important, Hodel likes him. Hodel loves him.
So what can we do?
It's a new world... A new world. Love. Golde..."

Do you love me?

(Golde)
Do I what?

(Tevye)
Do you love me?

(Golde)
Do I love you?
With our daughters getting married
And this trouble in the town
You're upset, you're worn out
Go inside, go lie down!
Maybe it's indigestion

(Tevye)
"Golde I'm asking you a question..."

Do you love me?

(Golde)
You're a fool

(Tevye)
"I know..."

But do you love me?

(Golde)
Do I love you?
For twenty-five years I've washed your clothes
Cooked your meals, cleaned your house
Given you children, milked the cow
After twenty-five years, why talk about love right now?

(Tevye)
Golde, The first time I met you
Was on our wedding day
I was scared

(Golde)
I was shy

(Tevye)
I was nervous

(Golde)
So was I

(Tevye)
But my father and my mother
Said we'd learn to love each other
And now I'm asking, Golde
Do you love me?

(Golde)
I'm your wife

(Tevye)
"I know..."
But do you love me?

(Golde)
Do I love him?
For twenty-five years I've lived with him
Fought him, starved with him
Twenty-five years my bed is his
If that's not love, what is?

(Tevye)
Then you love me?

(Golde)
I suppose I do

(Tevye)
And I suppose I love you too

(Both)
It doesn't change a thing
But even so
After twenty-five years
It's nice to know ...
“You have learned something...That always feels at first as if you have lost something.” George Bernard Shaw
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests