There is a scene in On a Sunbeam. That's a genderqueer sci-fi comic about a space construction crew. You can read the whole thing on-line for free or buy it at most bookstores.
In roughly the middle of Chapter 13, they're leaving a job that went bad and this scene crystallized the issue of pronouns for me.
All of you have been rude, insubordinate, and just plain shits since I got here. I don't deserve this!
I think you're forgetting a key part of this puzzle. I'll admit that I have, at times, been slightly jerkish to you. But only for excellent reasons.
This is ridiculous.
No way, you stay right here and listen to me. Do you remember the night you showed up here?
We were pissed when you showed up. Char was gone and we were broken. And we could've just taken that out on you.
But we didn't You showed up and Alma make you dinner. We made you a bed, even played cards together.
And we TOLD you that Ell didn't talk, we told your their pronouns.
And you IGNORED us.
I don't need to know that stuff! This is a job, none of that is important.
No. No way. You don't get to decide that . You don't get to decide what's important for US. You can choose for yourself but no one else.
When you chose not to respect us, we chose not to respect you. The fact that you expect people you shit on to treat you nicely shows just how delusional you are.
I can't believe this. So I screwed up some words. You act like I'm a monster!
Wow... You, you really don't it, do you? Have you even considered that something that's trivial to you could mean ... SO much more to someone else?
You don't get to take the easy road out and just respect the parts of people that you recognize.