The countdown is officially on

Discussions about negotiating relationships between faithful LDS believers and the apostates who love them. This applies in particular to mixed-faith marriages, but relations with children, parents, siblings, friends, and ward members is very welcome.
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AdmiralHoldo
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The countdown is officially on

Post by AdmiralHoldo » Sun Apr 02, 2023 11:56 am

Youngest is a freshman in high school. As soon as she graduates, I'm filing for divorce.

For a hot second I thought 'maybe I should go back to church and everything will be okay.' But that's ludicrous. The thing is, even while I was orthodox he disregarded my feelings, withheld empathy, and used my body for s3x. Because I was never gonna be enough for him. He told me on our second date that his future wife had to have pioneer ancestors - which I don't, and he knew it at the time - and it never got any better. I'm tired of being in debt to him.

Maybe it would help our marriage if his shelf broke... but it won't. His shelf is so sturdy that it doubles as a Rameumptom. :twisted:

Cnsl1
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Re: The countdown is officially on

Post by Cnsl1 » Sun Apr 02, 2023 3:05 pm

I'd never suppose that I know better what to do and unsolicited advice, especially from a stranger, is generally as useful as spitting on a forest fire, but I have a question.

If you've already decided, why wait?

Divorce is hard on kids no matter their age.

There may be a great reason, and it's obviously none of my business anyway, but I was curious.

I had a very close friend wait to divorce until kids were out of HS and it didn't turn out as smooth as he'd hoped. He ended up making some bad decisions just to stay sane and ended up becoming the bad guy. Had he ended it when he wanted to end it I think things would have gone smoother.

But every story is different.

I hope the best for you, and sorry to hear you're in that position. Good luck.

dogbite
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Re: The countdown is officially on

Post by dogbite » Mon Apr 03, 2023 12:10 pm

I hope it brings you peace.

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Linked
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Re: The countdown is officially on

Post by Linked » Mon Apr 03, 2023 2:09 pm

He sounds like an a$$hole, I'm sorry you have to deal with that. You are definitely right that resolving the religious differences doesn't solve the other issues in a marriage relationship. Does he even recognize that his bad behavior is bad?
"I would write about life. Every person would be exactly as important as any other. All facts would also be given equal weightiness. Nothing would be left out. Let others bring order to chaos. I would bring chaos to order" - Kurt Vonnegut

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wtfluff
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Re: The countdown is officially on

Post by wtfluff » Mon Apr 03, 2023 3:05 pm

Sorry Admiral.

I can't say that I know anyone who's been through a divorce who thought it was "fun" no matter the circumstances.


Good luck and take care of yourself.
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

IDKSAF -RubinHighlander

You can surrender without a prayer...

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Meilingkie
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Re: The countdown is officially on

Post by Meilingkie » Sat May 20, 2023 8:20 am

Cnsl1 wrote:
Sun Apr 02, 2023 3:05 pm
I had a very close friend wait to divorce until kids were out of HS and it didn't turn out as smooth as he'd hoped. He ended up making some bad decisions just to stay sane and ended up becoming the bad guy. Had he ended it when he wanted to end it I think things would have gone smoother.

But every story is different.
All I can say is that I wish I had pushed through the divorce in 2010, instead of waiting till the kids had turned 18 in 2018....
8 Years of hell, pain, and sorrow.
"Getting the Mormon out of the Church is easier than getting the Mormon out of the Ex-Mormon"

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Hagoth
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Re: The countdown is officially on

Post by Hagoth » Sat May 20, 2023 8:58 am

How are you doing, Admiral? I hope things are working out as well as possible.
“The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.” -Mark Twain

Jesus: "The Kingdom of God is within you." The Buddha: "Be your own light."

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alas
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Re: The countdown is officially on

Post by alas » Sat May 20, 2023 11:04 am

My daughter just officially separated from her husband. She decided it wasn’t working, and decided not to waste time pretending things were alright, so she started packing up her stuff.

If I had any advice, I would say just skip the countdown and get out. Like Meilingkie said, skip the extra years of hell. But you are the only one who understands your reasons for a countdown rather than getting out sooner. Love yourself here as much as you love your kids and do what is right for you.

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