NOM

My entire family back to a guy whose name is on the This Is The Place monument are members. Last I know for sure, my mom had decided to stay in the church despite issues regarding women's place in the church and my dad was mad about JS marrying teenagers. (The "for sure" is because I've been away at college and haven't talked after church or seminary/institute like our family normally does. I do too call my parents!) I know they know about NOM and might lurk or even post, since I found this place open in a browser tab. My mom also didn't care much about me quitting institute this year, and it's been a year since they've brought up my serving a mission. I'd like to have an open discussion about what exactly we believe but I fear I am more removed from the church than they are and don't want them to have to deal with a son who out of the blue doesn't want to go on a mission anymore and thinks the church is kinda true but not really.
Two questions:
-How should I approach the situation with my parents?
-How should I deal with the ripples that will be sent out by me the eldest grandson skimping on the whole mission thing?

Welcome to NOM, ulmite.

ulmite wrote:-How should I approach the situation with my parents?

You have two major things in your favor. First is that your parents have their own issues and are likely open-minded enough to think critically about them, especially if one or both of them reads NOM. Second, parents love it when their kids trust them enough to talk seriously to them about real issues. Just find an opportunity to ease into it, maybe with a topic that you know is an issue for one or both of them. You will probably be surprised how helpful and understanding they will be. Or go to them with one of your concerns, like reservations about serving a mission, and see what their perspective is. For all you know they're staying strong in the church because they think they need to set an example for you. When my son left the church it gave me permission to confront my own cognitive dissonance.

ulmite wrote:-How should I deal with the ripples that will be sent out by me the eldest grandson skimping on the whole mission thing?

It's not your problem. You can't control what other people think. You can only do what's right for you. The extended family will have to deal with their own attitudes.

I wished I'd found this video a couple of years ago. It helps work through some of the questions you've asked.

https://youtu.be/MJ-8ocmtb_8

Good luck and welcome to NOM

This reminds me of a line from a movie, "What will the Gefilte fish say?"

The correct response was, "Who cares what the Gefilte fish say. We're going to eat them already."

When the time comes, chances are your family will be functional enough to support your decision and any ravening crowd can be dealt with by offering honest and forthright answers.

Obadiah_Dogberry wrote:I wished I'd found this video a couple of years ago. It helps work through some of the questions you've asked.

https://youtu.be/MJ-8ocmtb_8

Good luck and welcome to NOM

That video is great.

What if you make your parents watch it and then tell them you have something to talk to them about. Then hint that you might be gay. If you are then you can kill 2 birds with one stone. If you aren't then they will be relieved to know that you just have some doubts.

You are in a great stage of life to have these conversations. I don't know your parents but I can imagine that they live you, and will be glad you trust them with this.

Just be cautious to not state final conclusions in your first talk. Just that you have questions and that you look up to them and want their advice as you navigate it.