The Ward Pariah

[Mormorrisey]

I've been thinking about this for a while, on how I feel about being the ward pariah. When I was released as a bishop, it became really clear that people liked Bishop Mormorrisey, but didn't have much time for Brother M. It took me a while to understand that it was because I couldn't give them anything anymore - people who had needs wouldn't come to me, suck-ups who wanted callings didn't need me anymore either, and talking with the youth as a thirty-something older dude is just darned creepy. I thought the new and still current SP was a bit of a twit, the feeling was mutual so I wasn't needed or wanted there, so it took me a couple of years to work through all of this. Luckily I was very busy at work, had kids with that wonderful teenage angst, so I threw myself into that. Some great years doing these things and relationships didn't really improve at church, but I didn't worry about it with all the other things I was busily involved with.

Then I found out about the mall, read the essays and went down the rabbit hole. My ward pariah status? I didn't think it could get any worse, but it did. It's like the parting of the Red Sea when I walk down the hall, people are literally afraid to talk to me lest I infect them with apostate disease, I'm not asked to help out anywhere, and I currently have no calling.

Is it wrong that I'm having the time of my life?

I love the fact that people are afraid to address what I'm saying. I love the fact that church leaders have no power over me, and simply because I'm never asked, I'm never called on my complete and utter apathy for anything church related. I mentioned my one and only meetings with the Bishop and SP on an older post about being released as GD teacher, and I'm fairly confident they'll never ask to meet with me again. I go to meetings when I want to, leave when I've had enough, and don't go if I don't feel like it. I'm a pretty vanilla guy to begin with, so my sin-o-meter is pretty low, so Sis M is not freaked out on that score, other than she's rather perturbed that I'm HAVING the time of my life. Her church training says this just shouldn't be, and frankly I think that this is the biggest marriage issue we have.

All of this is not to dismiss the pain that others on this board felt/feel when they have gone/go to church, but this is how I deal with my ward pariah status. So I don't know if this helps, and if I have slighted anyone's pain, I apologize, this is not to minimize how others have felt. Any other pariahs want to chime in on your experiences/how you've dealt with it?

[Give It Time]

My experience hits the two extremes of the love bomb and the apostate leprosy. It can have its perks.

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

Amen. I've never been more satisfied with church than taking it on my own terms. I actually enjoy the social experimentation aspect of pariah status. I enjoy the adrenaline rush of speaking truths in SS or Priesthood and causing some angst among the instructors although I am careful enough not to push the limits towards full on disrespect of our faith tradition. Bottom line I really enjoy having my agency and "acting instead of being acted upon".

[Red Ryder]

I can't imagine the emotional toll on your psyche going from beloved ward leader to ward nobody. A faith transition probably offsets that somewhat but I've seen previous ego driven bishops struggle as they transition.

I go to meetings when I want to, leave when I've had enough, and don't go if I don't feel like it. I'm a pretty vanilla guy to begin with, so my sin-o-meter is pretty low, so Sis M is not freaked out on that score, other than she's rather perturbed that I'm HAVING the time of my life. Her church training says this just shouldn't be, and frankly I think that this is the biggest marriage issue we have.

This is NOM nirvana in the simplest form. Choosing your own participation level while maintaining your relationship with a church attending spouse. Unfortunately you'll be judged which doesn't bother me, but I've noticed it affects my wife significantly. My goal has been to become a 1 hour a week mormon and sit next to the family for SM and then get the hell out of the building as soon as possible. I've managed to do this and my mental health has improved significantly. I've also joined the "Not Even Once" Fast Sunday Edition and have managed 3 for 3 with the family.

The church just isn't set up to accommodate the unbeliever. So we become pariahs. I'm fine with that.

[MalcolmVillager]

I'm not there yet. Still in the high priest group leadership. Our bishopric will change this month and there will likely be a domino effect throughout the ward. I am hoping to get lost in the mix and go silent. I guess it all depends on how the wife takes it!

[Meilingkie]

Our SP only calls people in leadershippostitions who have.
1. A current TR
2. Who actually attend the temple. He gets a montly report from the Temple......

I have no TR, so, dropped from the radar.
He even blocks bishops from appointing people to positions if they don´t.
So a WML or SS President who has a TR but does not actually go to the temple gets released

[hmb]

Ward Pariah! Hey that's me.
FINALLY, I have a reputation.

But I am female; I'm only a second class pariah. Never catch a break.

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

Pariah status allows you to wield fear (truthful facts and information) as a manipulatory tool for your own benefit. It's a dark art for doing church on your own terms and avoiding corporate slavery.

Remember with great power comes great responsibility.

Another potential benefit is creating a constant state of dissonance for orthodox spouses as they witness the unchristlike cultural shunning and back biting from what are supposed to be Disciples.

[redjay]

Not yet a pariah. But we will see how it goes. Recently released from the bishopric at my request, and I don't see my self becoming more orthodox any time soon. Temple recommend lapsed, I have let the exec sec know I won't be needing an interview. I'm the other side of the pond and I tend to think we might have less people on the fringe that in the States, tends to be you are either TBM or inactive (not less active).

[MoPag]

Ward Pariah! Hey that's me.
FINALLY, I have a reputation.

But I am female; I'm only a second class pariah. Never catch a break.

Me too^^

Being a pariah is the best! Especially if you are a happy pariah and the other TBMs see how happy you are. I think it really messes with their minds. Also there might be some members in pre-NOM status that will see your example and get enough courage to ask the tough questions and start thinking for themselves.

[LostGirl]

Our SP only calls people in leadershippostitions who have.
1. A current TR
2. Who actually attend the temple. He gets a montly report from the Temple......

I have no TR, so, dropped from the radar.
He even blocks bishops from appointing people to positions if they don´t.
So a WML or SS President who has a TR but does not actually go to the temple gets released

Sounds like an excellent way to avoid annoying callings but also sounds extremely self righteous on the part of your SP. Is he working from some super secret handbook 3 or he is so righteous that he is receiving new revelation about how wards should run? Stories like this really make me mad, people who take it on themselves to "sift the wheat from the tares".