Am I On The Nursery Of Visiting Teaching Routes? [Update]

[Give It Time]

I have a new visiting teacher. The one who apologized and keeps talking about gender roles has been replaced. The other VT has been my VT since I moved in here. We've reached an understanding and she's respectful. I moved into this ward struggling with my testimony. All of the VTs during my pre-separation phase, when I would share some of my concerns, would give Sunday School answers and all of my VTs through this period were long-time ward members.

Then, I became officially recognized as struggling. I was recently separated and my ex-bishop and I had had the two meetings from Outer Darkness. I was assigned the VT who was just replaced. She was a new move in and a former RSP. The other "student" on this route is another single mother, a widow and she happens to be the woman who threatened my son. Both of us are real pieces of work.

I just realized this new VT is also brand new in the ward. I have to be the "student" from Outer Darkness. I don't have a testimony. I will not disclose a lot about my life. There are very few doctrinal topics we can discuss in a correlated manner. Even if the discussion starts off safe, before long, one or the other will expound on the beauty of the eternal family, or absolute obedience or unconditional universal forgiveness. This is my home. To an extent, I will politely tell them I see things a little differently. Invariably, someone leaves my house in tears.

I am not a good introduction to the ward. Then it hit me. Maybe I'm the baptism by fire. Just like everyone has to serve a stint in the nursery before they get better callings. Maybe I'm the route where members have to serve before they get upgraded to the better routes. I use to be the VT leader and coordinated these things with the RSP. Usually, the difficult cases are handled by her. Has anyone ever heard of some route being the"boot camp" for the new move ins?

[Newme]

Not exactly, but when I was TBM, one RS President asked me to visit this lady. So, I brought cookies over just to say hi and she slammed the door in my face and said something in another language (which didn't sound nice). It seemed that the RS President was not accepting no, but tried to get me to force her disrespectful pushiness on this lady. Granted, the lady could have been nicer, but still, the RS Pres. should have accepted no and not asked that of me.

Many people have told me how it bugs them that visiting teaching is treated as an obligation to check off, and how their heart isn't in it. I've seen that too, but I've tried to be more genuine - rarely even "report" - only if they persist (which can be annoying), and I've tried to keep up some contact even after being released as their visiting teacher - to be friends to some degree.

[Red Ryder]

You're a square peg in a round hole, GIT!

My wife's visiting teacher comes over on a monthly basis and talks, and talks, and talks,
and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and talks, and well, you get the point.

Half the time it's about the ward gossip or her own family gossip. They never talk about church and she always qualifies her visits by telling my wife she didn't have time to read the lesson/ Ensign but that my wife should on her own time.

She also owns a bakery so there's an endless supplies of goodies!

[Give It Time]

First of all, if they did the noobies on the difficult cases, because they're fresh blood, that's just mean...and I can totally see it happening.

[Redacted the story I shared and rewrote my thoughts]

Even when I was a TBM, I don't know how it happened, but I either got a companion or a student who didn't believe it counted as a visit if it was less than an hour and a half. An hour and a half! Per visit! On one of those visits I even got up and left when I could see my companion and my student were gathering wind to go two hours! These visits were never meant to go that long and then VT truly becomes a chore.

Very grateful I'm NOM and my visits have shortened exponentially with each, "I see things differently".

[Give It Time]

She'll only be in the ward a few months, so I guess the reasoning is I can't do too much damage.

[Random]

First of all, if they did the noobies on the difficult cases, because they're fresh blood, that's just mean...and I can totally see it happening.

[Redacted the story I shared and rewrote my thoughts]

Even when I was a TBM, I don't know how it happened, but I either got a companion or a student who didn't believe it counted as a visit if it was less than an hour and a half. An hour and a half! Per visit! On one of those visits I even got up and left when I could see my companion and my student were gathering wind to go two hours! These visits were never meant to go that long and then VT truly becomes a chore.

Very grateful I'm NOM and my visits have shortened exponentially with each, "I see things differently".

That's a really long time! We were told in one ward to not go over 15 minutes, but there were some ladies who seemed to want to talk (we never did the majority of the talking on that route).

When I was secretary, the routes were chosen by who happened to live in the area. Our ward was large geographically speaking (not numberwise) and we essentially had two sides to the ward: the tiny town where the building was, and the Cane Beds/Colorado City general area (yes, there are LDS folks there and in Hildale; usually shunned for leaving the FLDS faith). Each side was a good twenty-forty minute drive from the other depending upon where you lived. Once in a while there were people from one side assigned to the other side, but not often. Sometimes someone was assigned to someone for a special reason.

[Give It Time]

When I was VT leader, there wasn't a twenty-four minute geographical split. It was more like ten, if you didn't have to stop for the train. We would do some dividing like what you describe. The RSP and I would work, for quite awhile to hammer out the routes. Then she'd go to the bishop and he'd change, literally, at least 90% of our work. We didn't mind though. We got along, well.

Sometimes there were special cases. I was surprised at the number of sisters who would refuse to visit each other. Many of the routes were just sticking who was available with who was available. The RSP took the special needs case, but there was a divorce similar to mine. This woman was more vocal about her issues with the church. Only the bishop home taught her and only the RSP visit taught her. They said her situation (spiritual) was "very bad" and they always looked shell shocked when they talked about it.

[alas]

When I was RSP, I also had the experience of carefully figuring out VT routes with the VT supervisor and then the bishop would change 90% of them. We had some sisters who refused to go to the far flung reaches of the ward, so who just refused to hassle with getting onto the military base (you have to stop at the front gate and state who you want to visit, then the S.P. (Air Force Special Police) would call the person you say you want to visit to confirm that they know you. (Two minutes if you had an appointment, REALLY embarrassing if the ward member was the kind of hard core inactive who refused visits by telling the SP they had no idea who you were and made you look like a terrorist trying to sneak onto the military base.) we had sisters who refused to visit certain sisters. And women who did NOT like to be visited by the military wives who were going to move in a few years----there was this resentment by the locals against the military---I suppose we offended their southern gentility with our Yanky accents? So, we would carefully match people up, by putting all the on base sisters with other military wives, avoid putting the people with grudges visiting each other, and try to get someone who was willing to drive 40 miles to the far flung sisters. Then the bishop would scramble it, and I asked him why and it was because he "felt" it should be that way, and we had angry sisters who thought it was my fault that they got assigned someone they had specifically said they would not go see. And the VTing didn't get done cause they refused to do what they had requested not to do. And the idiot bishop did not care that we had REASONS for how we arranged it because his vague feelings trumped our solid reasons.

So, in my experience, the most likely reason you have that sister is because the bishop scrambled the list and that was just how it ended up.

I know the bishop worried about who to put as my HT and VT cause I am inactive, so, he approached my active husband for his thoughts. My husband said I would not have a problem unless they were really obnoxious then kind of jokingly added, or deathly allergic to cats. (Yeah, we with three cats had someone who kept running to the emergency room after seeing us because of our cats.) The bishop then made my husband NAME someone for HT, and then asked if the couple could do the combined visit where one married couple does both HT and VT. I think my bishop is chicken. Puck-puck-puduck.

So, with us "special cases" I know that sometimes they try, but without having a clue that they can comprehend of why we don't attend, they don't know what kind of person to assign to us. We are a problem they don't understand.

[hmb]

No. People are chosen for callings by inspiration. There is no "route." It's all revelation. Didn't you all know that?

[Give It Time]

When I was RSP, I also had the experience of carefully figuring out VT routes with the VT supervisor and then the bishop would change 90% of them. We had some sisters who refused to go to the far flung reaches of the ward, so who just refused to hassle with getting onto the military base (you have to stop at the front gate and state who you want to visit, then the S.P. (Air Force Special Police) would call the person you say you want to visit to confirm that they know you. (Two minutes if you had an appointment, REALLY embarrassing if the ward member was the kind of hard core inactive who refused visits by telling the SP they had no idea who you were and made you look like a terrorist trying to sneak onto the military base.) we had sisters who refused to visit certain sisters. And women who did NOT like to be visited by the military wives who were going to move in a few years----there was this resentment by the locals against the military---I suppose we offended their southern gentility with our Yanky accents? So, we would carefully match people up, by putting all the on base sisters with other military wives, avoid putting the people with grudges visiting each other, and try to get someone who was willing to drive 40 miles to the far flung sisters. Then the bishop would scramble it, and I asked him why and it was because he "felt" it should be that way, and we had angry sisters who thought it was my fault that they got assigned someone they had specifically said they would not go see. And the VTing didn't get done cause they refused to do what they had requested not to do. And the idiot bishop did not care that we had REASONS for how we arranged it because his vague feelings trumped our solid reasons.

So, in my experience, the most likely reason you have that sister is because the bishop scrambled the list and that was just how it ended up.

I know the bishop worried about who to put as my HT and VT cause I am inactive, so, he approached my active husband for his thoughts. My husband said I would not have a problem unless they were really obnoxious then kind of jokingly added, or deathly allergic to cats. (Yeah, we with three cats had someone who kept running to the emergency room after seeing us because of our cats.) The bishop then made my husband NAME someone for HT, and then asked if the couple could do the combined visit where one married couple does both HT and VT. I think my bishop is chicken. Puck-puck-puduck.

So, with us "special cases" I know that sometimes they try, but without having a clue that they can comprehend of why we don't attend, they don't know what kind of person to assign to us. We are a problem they don't understand.

This was a really terrific end-of-the workweek-read. I'm imagining not miss HT and VT, but why member, really, who would have a reason to drop by trying to go through the SP. I've been thinking a gated community might be a good thing. I hadn't considered a military base, but I'm too old.

Yeah, your bishop said "feeling". My bishop said "feeling". I think it's all bull, now. He was just messing with us. This upending all the work the sisters have done is something I really don't appreciate. Like you said, your plans were based on solid, practical reasons. Ours were, too. Solutions​ from people in the trenches. People who know what is needed. Then a priesthood leader comes along with his "feelings" and trumps everything. Then, the icing on this is telling women they're emotional and men are logical.

Still. A funny read.

[Random]

That's sad that your bishops did that. I remember being in a meeting with the RS presidency when I was a secretary, planning routes. I don't think they were ever changed after we decided (I was the main person who was reported to by the main person on each side of the ward who was reported to. I hope that made sense). In fact, I had no idea that they were supposed to be run past the bishop. (Maybe the bishop didn't care? Maybe no one knew that was supposed to happen? I don't know.)

[Give It Time]

That's sad that your bishops did that. I remember being in a meeting with the RS presidency when I was a secretary, planning routes. I don't think they were ever changed after we decided (I was the main person who was reported to by the main person on each side of the ward who was reported to. I hope that made sense). In fact, I had no idea that they were supposed to be run past the bishop. (Maybe the bishop didn't care? Maybe no one knew that was supposed to happen? I don't know.)

It's my understanding everything needs to be authorized through the bishop. Sounds like he was easygoing.

[Random]

He probably was.