Don't think I can go back to church after today

[Misbehaved Woman]

(long post alert)After a rough day at church, My DH (aka Korihor) told me he would clean the house if I would join this group and tell my story. An offer I couldn’t refuse. I’ll save my fall story for another time. For starters I’ll just tell you why church was so rough today and why I told my bishop I would not be coming back to church for awhile.

I have been struggling with the idea of not attending sunday church for a while. My DH would have stopped going a long time ago if it wasn’t for me. The last few months church has been rough to attend because I have a different outlook now and no longer agree with a lot of what is taught.

Going in today with an optimistic outlook, I came out of SS and RS feeling physically sick with a huge pit in my stomach on the verge of crying for what I knew I was going to lose because I knew I could not in good conscience go back and listen to that anymore.

SS lesson was the Law of Consecration. A concept I used to love and defend now causes me to cringe. When the idea of having no poor among us really means all things to build the kingdom (Church). I can’t count how many times I have been suckered into a commitment by being told “your gifts and talents are needed”. This makes me sick as I now see poor families giving up everything to pay tithes and give of all they have to the church only for the church to buy commercial malls and properties etc. I could go on and on about how misspent the church’s “law of consecration” funds are appropriated. This infuriates me because I grew up in that poor family and I had a strong testimony of tithing and serving, giving everything you have to the church. It saved us. But now I wonder how much better we would have been off if we would have never practiced this. SS left me boiling with anger and full of sorrow.

I regrouped myself and went to RS again open and optimistic. The lesson was The war goes on, avoiding deception. It was all down hill from there. As the tactics of Satan were discussed I couldn’t help but see how the church is using all of these tactics. Something I had never realized before and was now so eye opening but heart crushing. I immediately felt I was in a cult, I had been lied to, I was wrong about so much. Let me just list the appalling things taught in our lesson:
•It is wrong to rely on our own logic and wrong to want to see it to believe it. We should instead rely on the spirit. (It is wrong to want evidence? What?)
•Satan has perverted “other” churches and those religions oppress the members. (wait wasn’t I just taught in SS that our poor pay tithes so our leaders can build malls and live on a small stipend of over 100K?)
•Pride leads to Deception
•Satan’s tools are false preachers who practice priest craft and are supported by the members. (I’m sorry but don’t we support our leaders financially?)
•Another tool of Satan is wearing costly apparel. (hold up, I have attended another church recently and people come as they are. But in my LDS ward, appearance is very important even to the point that people on welfare always have the nicest Sunday dresses)
•Those who fight against the church will not prosper
•Satan’s best tool is ½ truths. He also tells us evil is good and good is evil. ( ok now throughout my “fall” I was sickened to see how many ½ truths the LDS church was telling. In fact I would say they are pretty much experts at telling ½ truths.)
Satan’s appeals are:
o Irrelevance to distract
o Personal attacks ( instead of addressing doctrine, people will personally attack the church mainly JS)
o Appeals to the stone (people will just call the doctrine crazy w/out seeking to understand)
o Appeals to authority (the teacher went on to discuss the book of Abraham papyrus and how she lost her testimony because she put her trust in an Egyptologist and that was wrong of her but now her faith is restored because she trusted the spirit) (wow! Just wow! Don’t trust the knowledge of man ie. scientist or Egyptologists etc.)
o Appeals to the people (everyone is doing it) ( I guess we are all questioning the church because “everyone is doing it”)
o Last was Hasty generalizations (people leave the church based on one bad interaction and then Satan tells you it is all wrong)

As I said I left church sick to my stomach. Sad because I don’t think I can go back and Sad for the friends I will lose. Today I am full of frustration, anger and heartache because of the LDS church.

[Korihor]

Just had to be the first to welcome you here. Love Ya!

[Corsair]

Misbehaved Woman, we are glad to have you here.

[Anon70]

Thanks so much for sharing. I wish my spouse were further along with me but maybe one of these Sundays will come along for us.

[Emower]

Welcome to NOM! I am glad you joined us.

[Lithium Sunset]

I'm so sorry Misbehaved... I'm glad you joined and shared your story. It's heartbreaking to be sure. You're in good company here. It does get easier in time.

(Korihor you better have that house sparkling!)

[PalmSprings]

Excellent post Misbehaved! The poor in the church are very oppressed. Welcome to the forums.

[redjay]

welcome.

Sounds like a regular Sunday and you've simply had enough.

[No Tof]

Welcome.

Our ward won't be perfect but it will at least allow honest and usually civil discussion.

Glad you are joining the conversation.

Oh yeah. We would love a play by play of how well DKorihor did on the maid service.

[trophywife26.2]

Welcome!

After a year of going as a non believer I could not take it anymore. I'm so sorry you are having the same type of experience. Sometimes I think about going back for community, but I just can't. The church is too controlling and manipulative for me. The money stuff bothers me to no end.

It can be hard when you first stop going, but it does get better. It's a huge help when you and your spouse are on the same page. It helped me when I filled my Sundays with other nice things like hikes and museums so I wasn't sitting there thinking, "we should be getting ready for church, but we are not."

We are here for you if you ever need to talk.

[nibbler]

•Satan has perverted “other” churches and those religions oppress the members.

ROTFLOL.

LDS church, I served other churches. I know other churches. Other churches are friends of mine. LDS church, you're no other churches.

My experience in other churches is that you attend and largely relax as the pastor preaches. The pastor does get help and there are opportunities for service but it's my experience that those opportunities are staffed entirely by actual, factual volunteers. If all you want to do is show up on Sunday and listen all you have to do is show up on Sunday and listen. If all you want to do is come to church on Christmas and Easter, you only attend church on Christmas and Easter. Your standing as a "worthy" member is never called into question.

Talk about oppressive churches. People in the LDS church regularly voluntell me to do things, I've often held multiple callings at the same time that each required a lot of my time, the messages during this most recent general conference were full of examples of people that served in their callings with terminal illnesses and attended their routine, boring meetings, forgoing good, healthy external opportunities that life presented them, to pay tithing first even if it means going without the basic necessities of life, the message was clear - church above all else, and if you fail to do live up to any expectation (not a promise you've made, not a covenant you've made, an expectation that a leader has of you) you are lumped in the unworthy category.

So... tell me again which church oppresses its members.

[Hagoth]

•Satan’s best tool is ½ truths. He also tells us evil is good and good is evil. ( ok now throughout my “fall” I was sickened to see how many ½ truths the LDS church was telling. In fact I would say they are pretty much experts at telling ½ truths.)

This is huge for me too.

So great to hear from you, and thanks for sharing your story!

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

That consecration lesson is such a trigger lesson, especially when you have read the Kirtland history behind it all. I don't blame you at all for your reaction to it.

[Zack Tacorin Dos]

Misbehaved,

I'm so sorry about your experience in church yesterday. It's hard. I've been attending only sacrament meeting for several years now. I committed to my wife to attend it SM, but cannot tolerate SS or HP group meetings. The eye rolling sprained my eye balls, and I had pierced my tongue a few times biting it. /s
Seriously though, even just sacrament meeting drives me nuts sometimes. So, I get it. It sucks. What's worse in your situation is that you love the people and are already morning the loss of friendships in anticipation. I'm glad you have Kori there for support.

What I hope is an upside is that you've now joined this Bad Company. We're more rowdy and less reverent, but I think you'll feel welcomed here. Your DH is like a bishop and a court jester rolled into one for this goofy NOM ward. Not that you need it, but his place here at NOM probably makes it so most of us automatically think of you as part of the family, in a non-Mafia, non-cult kind of way of course.

Welcome to NOM!
Zack

[The Beast]

Welcome to NOM.

•Another tool of Satan is wearing costly apparel. (hold up, I have attended another church recently and people come as they are. But in my LDS ward, appearance is very important even to the point that people on welfare always have the nicest Sunday dresses)

The Q15 wears only the finest, but it's all for God's greater glory. No wearing rags and hair shirts for the prophets of God these days. And that half truth thing? Same as a whole lie.

[beetbox]

Hi Misbehaved, I don't have any advice but I wish you all the best as you transition out. It's not easy. I'm glad you have your husband along for the ride.

[Linked]

Welcome to NOM Misbehaved! I'm sorry to hear church attendance is causing you so much frustration, I'm there with you and it sucks. Glad to have you here. You can find like minded souls here.

The last few months church has been rough to attend because I have a different outlook now and no longer agree with a lot of what is taught.

This resonated with me, along with your list of frustrating topics. My testimony did a slow fade as I would consider what the lessons were saying and what the church does. Over several years I would find one topic at a time to be disingenuous coming from a church lesson. After a while I realized that I disagreed with more than I agreed with, and that it wasn't just some of the fringe lessons or doctrines. And then it felt like I was all alone among the TBMs who were spouting the party line.

[Not Buying It]

Welcome. Wherever you are in your relationship with the Church, I would hope you feel welcome here.

[Mormorrisey]

The SS lesson was bad enough (so glad I'm visiting family this week and only had to endure sacrament!) but that RS lesson was the absolute worst. Most of those talking points are the reason most of us have had enough of going to church - and the kind of crap that Utchdorf was ranting about last conference. Looks like the fear rhetoric is ratcheted up in your neck of the woods. While we can be a bit nutty and isolated in our pain, NOM is the best ward, bar none, on the internet.

The only drawback for people like me, and many others on this board, is the searing jealousy that many of us feel that both you and Korihor are making this journey together. There is nothing else I covet in life, than for the rest of the Mormorrisey clan to join me in seeing the church for what it really is. So enjoy these moments together.

I hope you had that crapper gleaming, Korihor.

[Not Buying It]

The only drawback for people like me, and many others on this board, is the searing jealousy that many of us feel that both you and Korihor are making this journey together. There is nothing else I covet in life, than for the rest of the Mormorrisey clan to join me in seeing the church for what it really is. So enjoy these moments together.

Well said - this is so true for me too. There is no bigger regret in my life than the fact I have been unable to free all of my family members the way I am now free. Not free to skip Church, unfortunately, or free to openly say what I think about it - but at least free to see it for what it is. It is the freedom I have offered my wife and that she refuses to accept.

It may still have its hooks in my due to wife and family, but to see it for what it is - that is the freedom I have, and that I would wish for my family.