I'm Serving With A New Bishopric Now

[Deepthinker]

OK, so while I was an England our Bishopric was changed. I was left in as the Executive Secretary.

I need to vent about this a little. Nobody asked me if I would serve with the new Bishopric. Not even a word about it. Nothing from the new Bishop either on Sunday when I was back, not even a "thank you for hanging around as Executive Secretary", no "are you OK doing this?", nothing. It made me feel like my say on it didn't even matter.

I like the new Bishop, he's pretty easygoing like me. The two counselors I clash with and don't know how well I can work with them. I told my wife all this and she agrees with me.

Now to last night, during Bishopric meeting. The new Bishop was talking about the difficulties in the ward, basically how overwhelmed he is feeling. He then says that the previous Bishop I served with told him that "you can't do this job without Deepthinker".

On one level I was touched by that, and on another I feel like the previous Bishop may have been the reason I'm with this new Bishopric which made me feel somewhat upset. Later while doing visits with the new Bishop, he did say he was glad I stayed and thanked me for it, so I'm feeling a little better about things.

Anyway, a bunch of mixed emotions about all this.

[Korihor]

They don't know what the hell they're doing.
On one hand, I think you should be flattered the old BP said the new BP couldn't do it without you. One the other hand, you'd think they'd at least give you a heads up.
I would try remember this is a problem with the church as an institution and not the local guys being a pain in the ass. From my experience, It is relatively common when there is a changing of the guard to leave the Secretary in as a transitionary constant. There would be lots of stuff that falls through the cracks if they completely did a clean sweep. So maybe you were left in as part of a standard operating procedure. But they should at least give you the courtesy of informing you.

Don't be surprised if you are released within 6 months. I've seen it a few times where the new Bishopric keeps the old Secretary for a few months until things get settled and then they are inspired that you will need a break from your duties.

[Red Ryder]

Could be worse.... Bishop Deepthinker.

Why would anyone ask for your opinion? Executive secretary is an auxiliary position. You're only there to serve the bishop. Schedule his appointments. Take his notes. Round up the dodgers. Harp on the expired TR's. Keep the kiddies coming in every 6 months! File his reports. Pick up his dry cleaning. Pat him on the back when his arm gets tired of patting himself on the back. Lift the weary. Shovel the walks. Feed the missionaries. Visit the widows. And all other things the Esec Sexretary does.

We are all merely cogs in a mormon machine.
Round and round and round we turn.
Burned up, spit out, and turned inside out.
Serving the church until our deaths.
One last gasp of breath we take.
Not allowed to be buried in an urn.

[Evil_Bert]

The actual calling of executive secretary is to the priesthood executive committee, not to the specific Bishop. At least that is what I was told when they reorganized the bishopric I was serving with.

[Newme]

Any calling is not just an obligatory assignment (as Satan would have ).
They are voluntary - from our own free agency - that is, if given the chance to say yes or no.

Ideally (by common courtousy as well as Mormon doctrine & policy procedures) they would have respectfully asked you.

[Grace2Daisy]

Keep in mind, you were called by the stake and set apart by the stake, and will eventually be released by the stake.

It's normal to keep the ES on for smooth transitions, and this happens many times even when new stake presidencies are called, as well as area 70s. Deep breaths after that because the new Bishop is not only overwhelmed, but is on a high with all the congrats flowing toward him. He will not feel the full weigh until a year has gone by.

The fact he finally said he was happy you stayed on is a good thing.

[RubinHighlander]

Same thing happened to me as a stake clerk. I was in for a couple years with one administration, in for 7 more with the next one, then just as I thought I could make a graceful exit out of that calling and the church, they kept me in with the new 3rd administration! Nobody ever asked me if I was willing to accept the calling with the new presidencies. So, click went the mouse and off went the resignation letter in a blaze of non-glory. Dropped off the dozen (building) keys I'd had over the past 9 years and never looked back.

[Anon70]

Same thing happened to me as a stake clerk. I was in for a couple years with one administration, in for 7 more with the next one, then just as I thought I could make a graceful exit out of that calling and the church, they kept me in with the new 3rd administration! Nobody ever asked me if I was willing to accept the calling with the new presidencies. So, click went the mouse and off went the resignation letter in a blaze of non-glory. Dropped off the dozen (building) keys I'd had over the past 9 years and never looked back.

Did anyone ever reach out to you and talk to you about anything?

[RubinHighlander]

Did anyone ever reach out to you and talk to you about anything?

Honestly, I didn't leave any room for debate in my resignation letter. Here are the key points:
- Made it clear that the decision had taken years of careful study and consideration
- I had primarily relied on church based sources to determine the facts of church policy, history and truth claims and had avoided anti-mormon sites that were negative
- It would not be healthy or productive to debate my points of disagreement with leadership
- We were not leaving because of any sin against the church or association with any anti-groups
- We are not broken and do not want to be on any project lists, would would be considered harassment which would cause us to action to have our names removed, understanding our legal rights
- Visits and correspondence were welcome, only if they were not church related.

Here's the response from the SP:

I wanted you to know that I received your email. To say that I was shocked is an understatement. However, I want you to know that I have nothing but love in my heart for you and your family. You have been diligent and faithful in your service and I appreciate you so much for what you have done in the past. We will move forward. We will release you with a heartfelt vote of thanks for you tremendous service. Of course we will respect you and your family's wishes.

I want you to know that my door is always open. I consider you a good friend and would love to talk to you at anytime to answer questions or just to talk. I will never contend that I have all of the answers. However, there are things that I know, that are born of the Spirit, that are undeniable. I would risk my spiritual integrity and my honesty if I did not bear witness of the things that I know. To me there is no greater knowledge than what comes from the Holy Spirit. I will defend the Prophet Joseph Smith, the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon, and the restoration of God's Church on the earth today with every ounce of courage that I have. I can not deny this testimony.

I agree that contending on these topics will not be fruitful. I have read many of the things that the critics of the Church have written, I have also read many of the articles on FairMormon.org and LDS.org. We have obviously come to different conclusions.

I want you to know that I love you and will be praying for you. I hope that you will find peace and joy along your spiritual journey.

Responses from the stake clerk and bishop were similar. These are really good guys and I have a lot of respect and love for them. It made it all the more difficult to walk away. At the local level, these sincere people make bold statements "I know" about Joseph Smith, the priesthood, the prophet... It's hard to read their proclamations because I've been there and I used to do the same thing. It's a very bitter pill to swallow to find out it's all BS and I was duped. You'll never hear Monson make those bold direct statements, nor has he for years, because the lawyers run the church now and those statements are simply not true. It's really sad, sick and wrong.

Sorry, went off on a bit of a tangent there; just drummed up some old feelings as I was thinking back on all of it.

[Deepthinker]

They don't know what the hell they're doing.
On one hand, I think you should be flattered the old BP said the new BP couldn't do it without you. One the other hand, you'd think they'd at least give you a heads up.
I would try remember this is a problem with the church as an institution and not the local guys being a pain in the ass. From my experience, It is relatively common when there is a changing of the guard to leave the Secretary in as a transitionary constant. There would be lots of stuff that falls through the cracks if they completely did a clean sweep. So maybe you were left in as part of a standard operating procedure. But they should at least give you the courtesy of informing you.

Don't be surprised if you are released within 6 months. I've seen it a few times where the new Bishopric keeps the old Secretary for a few months until things get settled and then they are inspired that you will need a break from your duties.

Thanks. All I wanted was a heads up about it and asking if I was OK with staying on. I hope I am released within 6 months. Not sure what calling I would be willing to accept after this one, though.

[Deepthinker]

Could be worse.... Bishop Deepthinker.

Why would anyone ask for your opinion? Executive secretary is an auxiliary position. You're only there to serve the bishop. Schedule his appointments. Take his notes. Round up the dodgers. Harp on the expired TR's. Keep the kiddies coming in every 6 months! File his reports. Pick up his dry cleaning. Pat him on the back when his arm gets tired of patting himself on the back. Lift the weary. Shovel the walks. Feed the missionaries. Visit the widows. And all other things the Esec Sexretary does.

We are all merely cogs in a mormon machine.
Round and round and round we turn.
Burned up, spit out, and turned inside out.
Serving the church until our deaths.
One last gasp of breath we take.
Not allowed to be buried in an urn.

Yep. Definitely could be worse.

The problem I have right now is that it is like a new calling. Here are the changes:

• I've had to redo agendas based on the new bishop's preferences.
  
  We are meeting every Sunday for not just bishopric meeting, but ward council as well. Before, we had 3rd Sundays off.
  
  Tuesday nights are solely dedicated to bishop interviews, so I'm setting up way more interviews than I have for a while based on a new list of people bishop wants to visit with.
  
  We now meet every Wednesday night for bishopric meeting and do visits afterwards. So, I have to have an agenda prepared for bishopric meeting twice a week.
  
  After our meeting on Wednesday, we go visit members of the ward. This part I don't actually mind, but I have to take more time to schedule these because I refuse to just "drop by".

[Deepthinker]

The actual calling of executive secretary is to the priesthood executive committee, not to the specific Bishop. At least that is what I was told when they reorganized the bishopric I was serving with.

I hadn't thought of it that way, but it makes sense.

[Deepthinker]

Did anyone ever reach out to you and talk to you about anything?

Honestly, I didn't leave any room for debate in my resignation letter. Here are the key points:
- Made it clear that the decision had taken years of careful study and consideration
- I had primarily relied on church based sources to determine the facts of church policy, history and truth claims and had avoided anti-mormon sites that were negative
- It would not be healthy or productive to debate my points of disagreement with leadership
- We were not leaving because of any sin against the church or association with any anti-groups
- We are not broken and do not want to be on any project lists, would would be considered harassment which would cause us to action to have our names removed, understanding our legal rights
- Visits and correspondence were welcome, only if they were not church related.

Here's the response from the SP:

I wanted you to know that I received your email. To say that I was shocked is an understatement. However, I want you to know that I have nothing but love in my heart for you and your family. You have been diligent and faithful in your service and I appreciate you so much for what you have done in the past. We will move forward. We will release you with a heartfelt vote of thanks for you tremendous service. Of course we will respect you and your family's wishes.

I want you to know that my door is always open. I consider you a good friend and would love to talk to you at anytime to answer questions or just to talk. I will never contend that I have all of the answers. However, there are things that I know, that are born of the Spirit, that are undeniable. I would risk my spiritual integrity and my honesty if I did not bear witness of the things that I know. To me there is no greater knowledge than what comes from the Holy Spirit. I will defend the Prophet Joseph Smith, the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon, and the restoration of God's Church on the earth today with every ounce of courage that I have. I can not deny this testimony.

I agree that contending on these topics will not be fruitful. I have read many of the things that the critics of the Church have written, I have also read many of the articles on FairMormon.org and LDS.org. We have obviously come to different conclusions.

I want you to know that I love you and will be praying for you. I hope that you will find peace and joy along your spiritual journey.

Responses from the stake clerk and bishop were similar. These are really good guys and I have a lot of respect and love for them. It made it all the more difficult to walk away. At the local level, these sincere people make bold statements "I know" about Joseph Smith, the priesthood, the prophet... It's hard to read their proclamations because I've been there and I used to do the same thing. It's a very bitter pill to swallow to find out it's all BS and I was duped. You'll never hear Monson make those bold direct statements, nor has he for years, because the lawyers run the church now and those statements are simply not true. It's really sad, sick and wrong.

Sorry, went off on a bit of a tangent there; just drummed up some old feelings as I was thinking back on all of it.

No worries here, I enjoyed the tangent.

[oliver_denom]

I was both a ward and stake executive secretary for many years. When you do a good job in that position, it really helps out the leadership because they don't have to think too much about where to go, what to do, or what paperwork needs to be signed. The Exec. Sec can handle all the footwork / busywork for anything they have to do and act as parliamentarian for any disputes arising from policy and the handbook. They're also helpful for doing things or interacting with members that the leadership doesn't want to deal with directly.

I'll share with you something that took me awhile to figure out. As an Exec Sec I was always busy and literally in the middle of everything the ward / stake was involved with. I was like an information hub and served as the President's / Bishop's gatekeeper. It felt good to feel indispensable, but it also felt terrible, and I didn't know why. This calling demands a lot of time and energy. It requires sacrificing time with family and with work. It's stressful, and there's very little reward for all the effort. But here's what killed me, one die I realized that I was expending so much of my life over nothing of any consequence. Who was I really helping by filing disciplinary reports and mission papers? What was I really accomplishing when chasing people down and keeping everyone on schedule? At the end of the day, what net good did I produce by making the bloated church bureaucracy run? What had a done compared to what I could have been doing?

And why was I doing it? The prestige? The accolades? Was it perhaps, that I craved the validation I got from my priesthood leaders, those father figures who put so much faith in me?

Sure, there were times when I was able to do something to brighten someone's life, and I was able to argue on behalf of humanity when the council had turned cruel, but those times were few and far between. And sometimes...sometimes the councils remained cruel, and they would use my labor execute their cruelty. When they did that, I felt helpless, and used. I felt as if my life was not my own.

So I quit and did something else.

I had a dream the other night that taught me something. I dreamed that I had asked the daughter of one of my mentors marry me. This was all symbolic of course because this man I respect so much doesn't even have a daughter, and I'm married already. The point is, a marriage would have made this mentor my father. I spent the whole dream begging for his approval, and he just wouldn't give it. I was crushed, but then I understood. I still craved validation from a father figure. If I couldn't get it from my own father, then I would get it from a Bishop or a Stake President, anyone who could fill that vacancy in my soul. For a long time, I filled it by being a priesthood leader's right arm. As soon as I recognized what it was and why I was doing it, it became easier to let go.