The Best Quotes of NOM

[Red Ryder]

Post your favorite quotes from NOM.

Here's a few of mine.

Assuming LDS eternal progression doctrine is true, God was probably a hunter-gatherer or maybe a poor field worker or common laborer in a stone age society on some distant planet.

May I humbly suggest that you spend your free time and tithing money turning into a coffee afficianado, not an alcohol afficianado. I'm not saying that you should be teetotaler. But the effects of too much coffee are increased focus, finishing projects, paying attention to driving, and staying up late to finish homework assignments.

How can people not recognize and understand that this church is led by a committee of your grandpas?

Does my Magic Ranger Ring have an expiration date???

Which Juan did this apply to?

[wtfluff]

... The polygamy panties ...

[Red Ryder]

It is a very odd way of expressing the "Golden Years." Makes President Monson sound like a tube of toothpaste.

This entire situation has turned into a massive dumpster fire. I stand all amazed...

[ulmite]

Who is on Uchtdorfs side?

God.

[Corsair]

Yup, Elder Nelson has established himself as the mouthpiece of the mouthpiece of God.

[Corsair]

OK, this is a conference talk, but kindly prove to me that some closet NOM or apostate was not somehow responsible for the innuendo in Monson's "True Shepherds" talk in October 2013

Assigned as home teacher to the Hammer family was Willard Milne, a friend of mine. Since I knew Dick Hammer as well, having printed the menus for his café, I would ask my friend Brother Milne when I visited St. George, “How is our friend Dick Hammer coming?”

The reply would generally be, “He’s coming, but slowly.”

[Silver Girl]

I can't remember who said these, but I love them - they're paraphrased here:

"Sex Prevention Suit" (who came up with that one? it's so perfect!)

"In one (sentence? statement?) the church tells you it has all the answers, and not to ask questions." (I'm sure I messed up the exact phrasing, but that quote should be on every church building, on all literature, and used as a footer for official stationary).

If anyone can correct the phrasing and/or cite the sources and give credit, please do!

[Red Ryder]

I can't remember who said these, but I love them - they're paraphrased here:

"Sex Prevention Suit" (who came up with that one? it's so perfect!)

That was coined by Released, a former Bishop who used to post around 2013 - 2014. He left and his wife followed. I wonder what he is up to these days? We need a "Reunion" or "Where are they now" behind the scenes VH1 special thread.

[Stig]

It's too bad Red Ryder's "Parable of the Shirtless Commute" was lost to the Internet-Ether with the demise of the old NOM board.

[wtfluff]

I can't remember who said these, but I love them - they're paraphrased here:

"Sex Prevention Suit" (who came up with that one? it's so perfect!)

That was coined by Released, a former Bishop who used to post around 2013 - 2014. He left and his wife followed. I wonder what he is up to these days? We need a "Reunion" or "Where are they now" behind the scenes VH1 special thread.

I couldn't remember if it was Released, or Yobispo. Just knew that it was a former bishop.

And yeah, who "released' them from their "NOM" callings? (Lucky Buggers!)

[Linked]

Apostolic Survivor

[Red Ryder]

I do not understand how family members can choose dogma over family. To me...this is crazy.

If you choose to believe in wacky stuff and judge me for choosing to believe instead in evidence-based stuff, which one of us really has a problem?

What kind of a warped culture is it when you stop believing in something and hide it from your loved ones for years because you don't dare let them know you no longer believe?

Honestly I live a charmed life and I am the person the church was built for. Straight, white, middle class, educated, horny male.