Re-Adjusting to Life!

[a1986]

Hi Everyone,

Just wanted to relay a bit of what I'm going through now as an "apostate" and the good along with the not so good. . .maybe others can relate and know they're not alone.

First off, I've been drinking coffee / black tea for over a year now and it's wonderful. It took quite some time to stop that sense of doom and guilt every time I chose to have a drink. It's amazing the intense feelings of GUILT and SHAME I had even after just being a member for a little over 1.5 years. I haven't worn garments in over a year and a half and that's been great too. I ALWAYS felt weird wearing them (I was baptized in 2014 and not raised Mormon) and was worried someone would catch a glimpse of them and wonder what the hell I had on. My husband and I haven't attended church in well over a year and a half and I must say . . . I don't miss it. Any of it. Especially the ward we were going to. It was terrible and not spiritually uplifting in the least. I went through the temple once and that was enough for me. The endowment / my sealing to my husband was the beginning of my "downfall" or I suppose I should say "enlightenment."

On the other hand, I find myself a bit lost spiritually. I still consider myself a very spiritual person but have realized that my spiritual path does not and probably won't look like anyone else's. The ward my husband and I were going to a few years ago was amazing--the people were amazing and I felt spiritually strengthened and as if I was truly in the presence of God and some truly wonderful people. I do miss that part. Some Gospel Doctrine classes were spent discussing general spiritual topics that I found fascinating. I find I don't have that connection in my life right now, but I'm working on trying to find it again through other paths. This part has been a bit of a double-edged sword in that I feel I'm living a more authentic, genuine life now and see the truth in front of my own eyes, but I still want those "good parts" that the church offered at one point. Along with that, I've lost or pushed away most everyone we used to stay in touch with at our old ward. It's too painful and I cannot pretend to be someone I'm not. I also would rather do without the pressure to return to church, etc. . . I'd rather not deal with that right now.

Anyway, thanks for reading, I'm interested to hear how others have found their own spiritual paths.

[Emower]

Mine spiritual path seems to involve a lot less spirituality lately. Its been nice. Some months it will pick up and involve more spirituality than others. I am glad being an apostate is working for you right now. I cant say I've found a path. I am more stumbling around lost in the woods and mountains. I am too busy looking at the view to really find a path right now. That feels good for me.

[Red Ryder]

I love this post a1986!

Your update reminds me just how deep Mormonism can creep into our heads. I've met a few people who were converts that didn't grow up in the church and they have the same struggles getting out and moving on as anyone else. That says a lot about the cult label typically slapped on the church.

Glad you have your husband for support. Was he a convert too?

My spiritual path devolved with time and I no longer find spirituality in terms of religiosity. I just find that my "spiritual" needs are fulfilled through humanity, learning, and love.

Instead of trying to develop some form of relationship with the Divine, I've spent my time learning to love and develop stronger relationships with the people around me who I care about most. I've also spent my time learning to love learning new things. There is so much information available at our finger tips. I really enjoy thinking about new ideas, learning new things, and interpreting the big wide world around me.

I also no longer fear death in the sense its inevitable for all of us. I figure I'll see what happens after I die. Not knowing is fundamentally more exciting than believing in multi levels of heaven and feeling tremendous guilt and fear of not doing enough to achieve the highest level. I hope there is something after this life but I'm not wasting time in this life worrying about it. I'll wait and see.

[Corsair]

One of the biggest unexpected surprises upon becoming an apostate has been figuring out a new basis for moral reasoning. How can we know right from wrong without Mormon Jesus sternly examining our every move (Mosiah 4:30)? It took a lot of reading and thinking to come up with a new basis for moral reasoning. This has been rather disconcerting to my wife on a few occasions, particularly when I cast aside most of the Sabbath Day restrictions.

I also had to figure out a new set of objectives for my precious, remaining mortality since putting off anything after death is no longer a sure bet. I feel comfortable with my current outlook and it still gets adjusted moving forward.

[MoPag]

On the other hand, I find myself a bit lost spiritually. I still consider myself a very spiritual person but have realized that my spiritual path does not and probably won't look like anyone else's.

I kind of feel the same way. When I was TBM I bought into the "one true church" and I thought if everyone just lived like we did they would be happy. It took me along time to realize that I wasn't happy at all. I guess what helps me is not expecting to arrive at a spiritual destination. If I can see my spiritual path as a journey, that can and should change as I change and my life changes, that helps me not get stuck back in the old TBM mindset that there is only one place/way I can be spiritually fulfilled. Also it's okay if there are times when you're just not feeling that spiritual. It's not because of something you've done or not done. Sometimes that is just life.

Personally, I like yoga and guided meditations. (all free on YouTube ) I also like learning about Wicca and Paganism. Maybe that will change as my life changes, I don't know. But one thing I've learned from my faith transition is that spirituality needs to be something that empowers us, not enslaves us. And that is where the church gets it all wrong.

[a1986]

Mine spiritual path seems to involve a lot less spirituality lately. Its been nice. Some months it will pick up and involve more spirituality than others. I am glad being an apostate is working for you right now. I cant say I've found a path. I am more stumbling around lost in the woods and mountains. I am too busy looking at the view to really find a path right now. That feels good for me.

ha! that's a great way to look at it. I suppose that's what we're all doing really. Thanks for your reply.

[a1986]

I love this post a1986!

Your update reminds me just how deep Mormonism can creep into our heads. I've met a few people who were converts that didn't grow up in the church and they have the same struggles getting out and moving on as anyone else. That says a lot about the cult label typically slapped on the church.

Glad you have your husband for support. Was he a convert too?

My spiritual path devolved with time and I no longer find spirituality in terms of religiosity. I just find that my "spiritual" needs are fulfilled through humanity, learning, and love.

Instead of trying to develop some form of relationship with the Divine, I've spent my time learning to love and develop stronger relationships with the people around me who I care about most. I've also spent my time learning to love learning new things. There is so much information available at our finger tips. I really enjoy thinking about new ideas, learning new things, and interpreting the big wide world around me.

I also no longer fear death in the sense its inevitable for all of us. I figure I'll see what happens after I die. Not knowing is fundamentally more exciting than believing in multi levels of heaven and feeling tremendous guilt and fear of not doing enough to achieve the highest level. I hope there is something after this life but I'm not wasting time in this life worrying about it. I'll wait and see.

Thanks for your reply. YES it definitely "creeped" into my head for sure, and not always in positive ways.

My husband grew up in the church and is from Utah. He is also still a "believer."

"My spiritual path devolved with time and I no longer find spirituality in terms of religiosity. I just find that my "spiritual" needs are fulfilled through humanity, learning, and love." YES to this. I am coming to this conclusion as well. . .

Thank you

[a1986]

One of the biggest unexpected surprises upon becoming an apostate has been figuring out a new basis for moral reasoning. How can we know right from wrong without Mormon Jesus sternly examining our every move (Mosiah 4:30)? It took a lot of reading and thinking to come up with a new basis for moral reasoning. This has been rather disconcerting to my wife on a few occasions, particularly when I cast aside most of the Sabbath Day restrictions.

I also had to figure out a new set of objectives for my precious, remaining mortality since putting off anything after death is no longer a sure bet. I feel comfortable with my current outlook and it still gets adjusted moving forward.

"One of the biggest unexpected surprises upon becoming an apostate has been figuring out a new basis for moral reasoning" I can relate to this somewhat, having grown up in a Christian family, etc. but the more I learn about life and truth, the more I realize that morals are really quite subjective. There are very few absolute truths. My husband and I just had a convo about this the other day!

Thanks for your reply

[a1986]

On the other hand, I find myself a bit lost spiritually. I still consider myself a very spiritual person but have realized that my spiritual path does not and probably won't look like anyone else's.

I kind of feel the same way. When I was TBM I bought into the "one true church" and I thought if everyone just lived like we did they would be happy. It took me along time to realize that I wasn't happy at all. I guess what helps me is not expecting to arrive at a spiritual destination. If I can see my spiritual path as a journey, that can and should change as I change and my life changes, that helps me not get stuck back in the old TBM mindset that there is only one place/way I can be spiritually fulfilled. Also it's okay if there are times when you're just not feeling that spiritual. It's not because of something you've done or not done. Sometimes that is just life.

Personally, I like yoga and guided meditations. (all free on YouTube ) I also like learning about Wicca and Paganism. Maybe that will change as my life changes, I don't know. But one thing I've learned from my faith transition is that spirituality needs to be something that empowers us, not enslaves us. And that is where the church gets it all wrong.

Oh my gosh THIS!!!! So completely true! Completely agree with that statement. I was watching a youtube video yesterday that was an interview with this self-described "spiritual catalyst" Teal Swan--a woman who was abused by a member of some LDS branch off group that believed in ritual sacrifice among other interesting things. Anyway, she was talking about religion, specifically the LDS church and basically said that religion is a message filtered through unrighteous humans to keep a specific group in power (in this case old white men) and really did not have the interest of all people in mind. The whole construct is about control and that group keeping the control. Anyway, I hadn't really thought of it that way before but completely agree.

[2bizE]

Great post. I have not transitioned much away from Mormonism, but it is a goal.
I remember watching some shows on TV about a person injured in an accident and then having to learn how to walk again, how to get dressed, eat, brush his teeth, basically everything. I think leaving Mormonism is very similar. It is learning to live again.

[a1986]

Great post. I have not transitioned much away from Mormonism, but it is a goal.
I remember watching some shows on TV about a person injured in an accident and then having to learn how to walk again, how to get dressed, eat, brush his teeth, basically everything. I think leaving Mormonism is very similar. It is learning to live again.

Absolutely, even for people who were not long-time members, like myself. It is amazing how much you can adapt in such a short amount of time. With Mormonism, you're also leaving behind your Mormon identity / possibly culture as well, making it doubly hard. You have to start fresh and basically find your own identity without those pre-programmed beliefs already in place.

Thankfully I never really bought into the idea that I had to fit into this specific "mold" and so never really tried to fit in, especially with regards to gender roles. I've always been very individualistic and proud of my eccentricity so now I can fully embrace my weirdness that's always been there!

[EternityIsNow]

Great thoughts! Just like someone who had an abusive marriage may have a hard time learning to love again, I think learning to be spiritual again can be a challenge after dealing with spiritual abuse from a controlling religion like Mormonism. But I also feel this gap and believe we need spirituality, or 'elevated emotions' in our lives. I have been trying to take Aristotle's advice and learn to think this through for myself. I have read the Dalai Lama and Deepak Chopra, and also Carl Sagan and even a few liberal Christians, and they all helped. I also like to read NDE experience accounts and have gained a lot from them. But in the end, I decided none of these thought patterns work as my entire spiritual life. So right now I am just journaling my own thoughts about values and beliefs about metaphysical and spiritual ideas that have good evidence, and also ring true for me at this point in my faith transition. And that has been the most help of all, re-reading my own thoughts, refining them over time. That actually has led to some very positive elevated moments, particularly during meditation or listening to what is for me uplifting music. Maybe not for everyone, but I think journaling our own thoughts can be a way for some of us to adjust to our new lives and include some spiritual and moral values we agree with.

[a1986]

Great thoughts! Just like someone who had an abusive marriage may have a hard time learning to love again, I think learning to be spiritual again can be a challenge after dealing with spiritual abuse from a controlling religion like Mormonism. But I also feel this gap and believe we need spirituality, or 'elevated emotions' in our lives. I have been trying to take Aristotle's advice and learn to think this through for myself. I have read the Dalai Lama and Deepak Chopra, and also Carl Sagan and even a few liberal Christians, and they all helped. I also like to read NDE experience accounts and have gained a lot from them. But in the end, I decided none of these thought patterns work as my entire spiritual life. So right now I am just journaling my own thoughts about values and beliefs about metaphysical and spiritual ideas that have good evidence, and also ring true for me at this point in my faith transition. And that has been the most help of all, re-reading my own thoughts, refining them over time. That actually has led to some very positive elevated moments, particularly during meditation or listening to what is for me uplifting music. Maybe not for everyone, but I think journaling our own thoughts can be a way for some of us to adjust to our new lives and include some spiritual and moral values we agree with.

Yes!! "elevated emotions"--I like that. I also like to read about NDE's--If you have not heard of her, check out Anita Moorjani. I think she's great. She's on youtube and other various social media if you're interested.

I also like to listen to Elizabeth Dialto podcasts and find a lot of her content very thought-provoking. I sift through what rings true for me personally and take whatever value I can glean from it / apply it to my life.

I have been meaning to journal more often. I also think it can be really beneficial to kind of narrowing down what your own specific spiritual experience looks like in life. So far, the point I've come to is that everyone's spiritual life will be specific to that particular person because we are all so different, have so many different experiences in life and everyone is at a different "level." For me, it is a journey and I am constantly pursuing more love and acceptance toward myself and others as well as a sense of peace in my own life. Coming into my own experience spiritually after leaving the church has been challenging but really great.

Thanks for the reply and thoughts.

[Hagoth]

I still consider myself a very spiritual person but have realized that my spiritual path does not and probably won't look like anyone else's.

I have come to the conclusion that is what spirituality is really all about. If it turns out that there is a purpose to life I suspect it is for each of us to find our own unique path through it, not to merely follow someone else's checklist.

[a1986]

I still consider myself a very spiritual person but have realized that my spiritual path does not and probably won't look like anyone else's.

I have come to the conclusion that is what spirituality is really all about. If it turns out that there is a purpose to life I suspect it is for each of us to find our own unique path through it, not to merely follow someone else's checklist.

Yes, I agree completely. I Just love this forum. . . keep happening upon like-minded people and it's so awesome and reassuring for me. Thank you!

[SeeNoEvil]

I still consider myself a very spiritual person but have realized that my spiritual path does not and probably won't look like anyone else's.

I have come to the conclusion that is what spirituality is really all about. If it turns out that there is a purpose to life I suspect it is for each of us to find our own unique path through it, not to merely follow someone else's checklist.

This is where I am at as well. I've explored a ton of religions trying to figure out what I believe but in the end I realized that I don't have to believe in anything! I find my own spirituality just enjoying life and this amazing world we live in. In the end it will all work out!

[slavereeno]

Love this thread, I needed it today. Now if I could just have the courage to live my convictions...

[a1986]

[/quote]This is where I am at as well. I've explored a ton of religions trying to figure out what I believe but in the end I realized that I don't have to believe in anything! I find my own spirituality just enjoying life and this amazing world we live in. In the end it will all work out!
[/quote]

I've come to that conclusion as well. For a long time, I was considering joining all of these different churches / belief systems but realized I kept having to mold my own opinions / patterns of thinking / beliefs to fit the "mold" of that religion. I realized that I don't need to do that. I can live my own experience of spirituality, can have a full spiritual life without being a "member" of a church. I do miss that I had a regularly scheduled day each week where I did feel enlightened / spiritually "full" or "high" from time to time so part of me does want a church to attend even if it doesn't fit perfectly with my own views (I've considered the UU church). Not sure about that just yet though.

I think it's awesome that there are so many people on this earth and we can all have our own individual spiritual experiences and beliefs simply because certain things resonate with us and other things don't.

[LostGirl]

I have come to the conclusion that is what spirituality is really all about. If it turns out that there is a purpose to life I suspect it is for each of us to find our own unique path through it, not to merely follow someone else's checklist

+100

[Reuben]

I have come to the conclusion that is what spirituality is really all about. If it turns out that there is a purpose to life I suspect it is for each of us to find our own unique path through it, not to merely follow someone else's checklist

+100

Also +100. And to further the theme of ironically marching to the beat of your own drum, I suggest the following checklist for all of us.

[ ] Find my own unique path through life