Do I have regrets?

[SeeNoEvil]

3 years ago this Monday I resigned from the church. April 23, 2015. As the day approaches I have many thoughts as I reflect on that day that day and my life since. I'd like to share my story of how that day finally came for me.

I wanted to resign from the start but the thought scared me to death! I had a long list of Pros and Cons. Like many of you there was much to consider and its consequences seemed to tip the scales downward and far away from that dream. Fear was the biggest factor. Fear of the unknown… what my family and friends would say or do. Would my life fall into ruins like the church had predicted? I'd be one of THOSE if I resigned .... an evil apostate! Where would I be without the church! Cast into a dark and dreary world would I survive? I knew nothing other than all things Mormon and every time I got close to resigning the fear stopped me.

I awoke the morning of April 23, 2015 with no other goal in mind other than to get up, get dressed and go to work. The drive to work was filled with organizing in my mind the tasks of the busy work day ahead. I had no idea that one conversation at work would change my world. Conversations about the church were the norm in my all Mormon Utah work place so I don't remember much about the content of that particular afternoon chat other than I realized then and there I had had enough! I remember saying to myself during my drive home that day, " no longer am I going to let this church abuse me! I'm done!'

The decision was made. After arriving home, I quietly slipped upstairs to my computer and sent the email addressed to the church I had prepared years ago. Of course I wished I could have resigned sooner but in the end it worked out for the best. Some things can't be rushed. Some things take great care in planning and I am glad I took the time to think this decision thoroughly through. It had been 4 years in the making. The time was right. I have no regrets.

I share my story because I know resigning is on a lot of your minds. Some of us resign, others let it be decided by the "court of love" and others choose to stay. I hope that what ever path you choose you can look back on with no regrets. Having no regrets tells me I made the right decision for me.

[Wonderment]

Thank you for posting this helpful message. I agree with you that it is important to remember that there is no one best way to resign, and every one has to do what seems to be the best thing for him or her. It is good to know that you have no regrets, and your message can serve as meaningful inspiration for everyone who reads this board looking for support and inspiration. -- Wndr.

[slk]

A question for SeeNoEvil: does resigning help you "let it go?" Like let go of the anger and not dwell so much on how it's affected your life decidions starting from when you were a kid. These internet forums consume a lot of my time and just curious if it gets better after you resign. And maybe your purpose is different than mine for coming on here. I come on here more to watch for signs of wards closing, #s declining, etc. Perhaps you come on here for other reasons than me. I know I'm definitely still in the anger phase and maybe resigning helps you move past that? Don't know if that made sense but more curious if resigning helps you let it go so you can move on?

[Red Ryder]

Congrats SNE!

I remember your posts describing your mental tug O war on the old board and talking about resignation. I think my views have changed significantly in the last year.

I used to think resignation was pointless. The church kept you in the database (and probably the 16M member count) and resignation was one last hoop to jump through. Just one more point of control. I figured being inactive was good enough. Plus if anyone decided to return to church it would be as simple as just showing up and walking in. With resignation you would have to go through another process of control, jump through some hoops, to get rebaptized. Their rules

My opinion has changed 180 degrees. Everyone should resign. Why? So that the church can finally wake up and see it's losing. If everyone who is inactive that hasn't been back in years resigned, who would be left to home teach and reactivate? It would also provide closure on a long chapter in life. I used to get the readers digest. I used to be in the third grade. I used to be mormon.

[crossmyheart]

Thanks for posting. I fluctuate back and forth. I have always said I will resign once my mom passes away. But I have an inkling that it would deeply hurt my husband's feelings. I am still torn.

[slavereeno]

Yes, thanks for this. I go round and round.

[Hagoth]

[Corsair]

My opinion has changed 180 degrees. Everyone should resign. Why? So that the church can finally wake up and see it's losing. If everyone who is inactive that hasn't been back in years resigned, who would be left to home teach and reactivate?

It is with sober trepidation that I agree with Red Ryder. I have kept my membership for far too long by jumping through a long series of increasingly bizzare hoops. It's like the Sunday School object lessons about lying and persisting in sin. It's harder to get out if you stick around after you find yourself in the situation.

[SeeNoEvil]

Thank you for posting this helpful message. I agree with you that it is important to remember that there is no one best way to resign, and every one has to do what seems to be the best thing for him or her. It is good to know that you have no regrets, and your message can serve as meaningful inspiration for everyone who reads this board looking for support and inspiration. -- Wndr.

I'm glad my story could be of some help. It is the stories of the NOM journey that got me through to now. That support is vital. I have always said NOM was my lifesaver. This church and the bumping ride out just about did me in. Im glad I road it out. Life outside the cave is worth it all.

[SeeNoEvil]

A question for SeecNoEvil: does resigning help you "let it go?" Like let go of the anger and not dwell so much on how it's affected your life decidions starting from when you were a kid. These internet forums consume a lot of my time and just curious if it gets better after you resign. And maybe your purpose is different than mine for coming on here. I come on here more to watch for signs of wards closing, #s declining, etc. Perhaps you come on here for other reasons than me. I know I'm definitely still in the anger phase and maybe resigning helps you move past that? Don't know if that made sense but more curious if resigning helps you let it go so you can move on?

To make a very long story short... leaving meant I finally broke many years of abuse which I attributed to the church. That was incredibly freeing and helped the anger. Of course there will always be triggers like BKP's infamous "where will you go" statement (which is a classic abusive statement) that sent me on a brief rampage but for the most part the anger is getting better. Resigning help. Resignation meant I was no longer under their control. Resignation meant the end of that life and the start of a new one that I chose for me.

[SeeNoEvil]

Congrats SNE!

I remember your posts describing your mental tug O war on the old board and talking about resignation. I think my views have changed significantly in the last year.

I used to think resignation was pointless. The church kept you in the database (and probably the 16M member count) and resignation was one last hoop to jump through. Just one more point of control. I figured being inactive was good enough. Plus if anyone decided to return to church it would be as simple as just showing up and walking in. With resignation you would have to go through another process of control, jump through some hoops, to get rebaptized. Their rules

My opinion has changed 180 degrees. Everyone should resign. Why? So that the church can finally wake up and see it's losing. If everyone who is inactive that hasn't been back in years resigned, who would be left to home teach and reactivate? It would also provide closure on a long chapter in life. I used to get the readers digest. I used to be in the third grade. I used to be mormon.

Yes I sure did do the mental tug o war and for several years. I'm a firm believer we will all come to that decision as to what will work best for us and our situation. Now mine is made it is nice to be an exMormon. I recently moved to an area where there's not so many mormons. Funny... no one has ever asked me what my religion is!

[SeeNoEvil]

Thanks for posting. I fluctuate back and forth. I have always said I will resign once my mom passes away. But I have an inkling that it would deeply hurt my husband's feelings. I am still torn.

I don't think anyone of us want to hurt anyone. I resigned after my parents passed so didn't have the issue but still have 2 children who are in. It hurts knowing I am being prayed for by my little grandchilden and have had my name on the temple rolls for years. The look in one of my daughter's eyes when I told her I no longer believed is a look I can't forget. It is a touch decision. Give it time ... you will know what's right for you.

[SeeNoEvil]

Yes, thanks for this. I go round and round.

Until you can leave I hope you find a way to enjoy the ride. One day the merry go round will stop and you'll get to get off!!

[slavereeno]

I don't think anyone of us want to hurt anyone. I resigned after my parents passed so didn't have the issue but still have 2 children who are in. It hurts knowing I am being prayed for by my little grandchilden and have had my name on the temple rolls for years. The look in one of my daughter's eyes when I told her I no longer believed is a look I can't forget.

So this is what drives my anxiety. I can get over my parents, I think, and my siblings, but my eldest RM DS is about to get married to a TBM girl and second DS is getting his re-neducation on his mish right now. Its killing me to think those relationships would be at risk. This church operates on love-extortion of the worst kind.