Talking out loud - not sure if it helped or not

[LostGirl]

I had occasion to see a counsellor who asked about the impact that church has on my life and the floodgates opened and through tears I told her as much as you can explain to someone who hasn't had the dubious benefit of being a member for their whole life. I then cried all the way home because it was so good to be able to finally say out loud what is in my heart, but it was also horrible because I still can't leave or tell anyone that actually knows me.

It was also fascinating to see things through her eyes, when I explained what the ramifications would be on my family and friendships if I left. To be able to say what I really think without judgement was very freeing. I can only hope for the day when I can have that same freedom with my family.

[2bizE]

I sympathize with you so much. Going to a counselor sounds like a great step forward. I find it relieving to have friends on NOM even though I don't really know them, either.

[MalcolmVillager]

Congrats. I have been tempted to go to a professional. I was lucky to find some IRL people to talk to, found a great FB group, and have worked through things in my mind here on NOM, on podcasts, and FB groups.

I may still need to go to a pro someday. Especially if I try to push further and DW stays firm or insists on retrenchment.

[Enoch Witty]

I've also thought about going to a counselor. But I've heard that non-Mormon counselors end up taking most of one's time getting filled in on Mormon culture and history. I'm not sure I really want to pay for that. Going to an active Mormon counselor is obviously not going to happen. If only there were more John Dehlins in the world...

[Red Ryder]

So far the best therapy I've found has been a NOM lunch with like minded people. I'm fortunate that we have a regular group, many who have become friends in real life and I often talk to regularly.

We also use to do a NOM conference call and just open the line for anyone interested. The discussions were fun. I still have the conference phone line if anyone is interested.

Therapy has been productive in the family dynamic side but unproductive on the church issues. The marital issues are symptoms of the church issues and it's too early in the process to comment further. I might need to start a thread called "Going to Therapy So You Don't Have To: 49 reasons why you should see an LDS therapist and 51 reasons not to".

[LostGirl]

Yes it is hard to adequately explain how big of an issue it is to not believe when the rest of your family for many generations back does. And of course it is not possible to see an LDS counsellor. There is one locally that is inactive but I am so paranoid that I can't bring myself to go and talk to them. As it was I caught myself garment checking this woman to make sure she was NOT wearing any and was not a member from another stake that I just didn't know.

The purpose for going wasn't actually the church stuff but turns out living in hiding can kind of mess you up, so it all came out. This is the one time in my life where I wish I lived somewhere with more church members where I might be able to find others like me nearby to chat to in person.

[aerin]

Frankly, I think most people can use someone to talk through things with. I'm a strong advocate for seeing a professional. No matter where you are with mormonism or a faith transition. There is nothing like upending your life to really re-evaluate everything, relationships, beliefs, etc. Having someone who can give you objective feedback can be useful. Many faithful mormons have been suspicious and actively negative about counseling, but fortunately that's changing (in the past 10 - 15 years or so). It's because when people realize they have choices in life, sometimes people choose to leave or re-evaluate their faith.

Many mormon families did not allow choice or accountability (just like many non mormon families). Over the years, I've found many mormon families have co-dependency, enmeshment - all sorts of dysfunction. I bring it up because I thought it was just my family (and some parts of it were just my family) but mormonism didn't help, and sometimes makes things worse. Often families are full of love, but have unhealthy ways of coping and dealing with life.

Somewhere on the interwebs, there was a post about mormonism, sense of self and mental health. It looks like it's been taken down. Yes, there are unique challenges to leaving mormonism and dealing with mormon family. But, there are often challenges when a person leaves any fundamentalist religion, and I think mormonism qualifies (in many active families).