Over the last several years, since coming out to my wife about my change in beliefs five years ago, one of the hardest things I've struggled with is not talking openly with our kids about it. My parents kept a big secret about my dad for years. I found out a decade later and still struggle with the pain of that deception. I don't want our kids to feel that way toward me.
So, back to the discussion I had last week with him. I asked him how he was doing with church, we talked about why it is hard for him to go. With a strong desire to show empathy, I couldn't hold back. I told him I have been through some hard times regarding the church. I told him I found out some things about the church, its history, that have really bothered me. I told him that I do my best to try and fit what I believe now into Mormonism, but that's hard sometimes. I said I was sorry for not telling him sooner, he was actually fine with it. I told him that I want him to be happy, and that it doesn't matter to me whether he goes to church or not, that I love him the same. Gave him a hug, said good night, and went to bed.
Anyway, it was great to finally tell him all this. I even said to DW after that I had a good discussion with him, that I told him I have had a rough time going to church. The look my son gave me the next day during dinner, actually looked me in the eye. I can tell he sees me differently, in a good way. It makes me so happy, and it is one of the reasons I've been able to better manage going to church.
One kid down, four more to go.
- Wndr.