Deacon Interviews--what to expect?

[RS Teacher]

Some quick background--I'm a non-believer who still attends Relief Society periodically because (1) I'm in the Morridor and want to stay connected with my wonderful neighbors (2) I was raised in the Church (3) I've been teaching RS for over 5 years now, so I feel an obligation to attend and (4) my husband is Nevermo, so I think I kind of get a free pass--no one expects me to attend the temple or be super active, etc.

The youngest of our three kids decided he wanted to get baptized when he turned 8, so we let him. However, he rarely attends and I know he knows very little about church doctrine. He's 11 now, and I got a text yesterday telling me that, because of some changes to YM/YW, he would be made a deacon in January. He doesn't turn 12 until fall.

They want to schedule an interview for him with the Bishop. I'm not excited about this. Do you guys have any idea what this interview would entail and what they will expect of him if he becomes a deacon? I really don't want him getting sucked into all this. I want to talk to him about what this interview would be and what to expect before he decides whether or not he wants to pursue it.

[FiveFingerMnemonic]

It's going to be a standard youth worthiness interview with all that entails. Also probably encouragement in being active and attending regularly as conditions of being ordained. If you are set on letting it happen, I would go with him, citing the new church policy on allowing a parent in the interview. If you don't want him participating further you need to put your foot down now and not later.

[Just This Guy]

Leadership roulette plays a huge roll here. Some bishops are fine, others are borderline criminal behavior. It really depends on who you have.

In my experience, they do something like a very watered down version of the temple recommend questions. They also talk about what priesthood is and if they feel they are ready to take it upon themselves.

You may want to consider talking to the bishop beforehand and talking to him about how we plans to approach this. This will give you the chance to assert yourself into this and establish yourself in a dominate position for what you allow and don't allow.

Also, let him know you reserve the right to record the interview. If he balks, grill him on why he objects and what could happen that he would not want to potentially go public.

[alas]

If you don’t want him “sucked into all this” now is the time to sit him down and have a serious talk about what he wants in life. If he is indifferent, or would rather not start being a real Mormon, then now is the time to pull him out. Find out what he believes and what he doesnt believe and if his close friends are all doing this and how he feels about it. This is his turning 12 and getting the priesthood interview even though he doesn’t turn 12 for several months. They have lowered the age where they make them deacons, so that all boys who turn 12 that year are interviewed and ordained. If you are reluctant, then tell him your feelings. If he is old enough to take on priesthood duties then he is old enough to understand that neither of his parents believe the church is what it claims to be. Also talk to your husband and see how he feels. He should have a say n this too. The church will push the child into this unless you and your husband step in and stop it. It is up to you to protect him from peer pressure if he doesn’t want to take this on or support him in what he wants.

[RS Teacher]

Thank you. These are great thoughts. Yes, I will definitely talk with my husband about this and will meet with the Bishop to discuss this beforehand, as well, if it looks like my son is interested in pursuing it. He's a new bishop. New to the neighborhood as well, so I really don't know him at all and have no idea what to expect.

[Red Ryder]

One other item to note with this new age change.

The 11 year olds will get to become deacons and will be expected to go to the temple for Baptisms for the dead. This will essentially make your kid a target for participation which will be non stop until he's 18 and on a mission.

The new age policy does specifically say that personal circumstances should be considered. You can always pull the "we feel he's not ready yet" card and they should be respectful of that.

This age change isn't really a big deal to me other than it speeds up the indoctrination process.

[slavereeno]

I was introduced to the term "masturbation" and what it means and how to do it by my bishop in a deacon interview. I had never heard the word before then. In our stake they are still asking directly about Masturbation and Porn an denying temple recommends if there has been either in the past 4-6 months. (it used to be a year)

[Corsair]

The institutional church feels a bit more disingenuous than usual with this policy change. The age change for mission service happened in 2012 with the instruction that it was not required for all young men to leap into a mission right at 18. But it is now quite common for high school boys to graduate then be in the MTC within a week. The social pressure to go along with the new age is pretty intense. I am bothered that this same sociality will blunder ahead with ordinations starting January 2019.

My ward includes a family with a son who is slightly developmentally disabled. He's a good kid but does not walk well and he looks like he is closer to 8 than the 11 he actually became in November. He is not comfortable with older boys and his parents are quite justifiably protective of him. This young man's parents did express some concern over this new policy because making this boy a deacon in two weeks might end up being a catastrophe. The boy is very kind and sensitive but he seriously cannot carry a sacrament tray full of bread or water without serious spillage. His parents were hoping to have another 11 months to work on this with him.

My wife is a lot closer to them than I am and she has told them to not let the ordination train drag him along if they are not comfortable with it so far. I am luckily in the YM presidency and will be doing my best to assure them that they can and should wait until their son is more comfortable. I'm also fairly confident that the good bishop I have will also be supportive of whatever is best for this young man and his family. But with the Sunday School classes all aligning, he will be in class with a bunch of brand new, 11 year old deacons and be the odd man out.

[achilles]

I was introduced to the term "masturbation" and what it means and how to do it by my bishop in a deacon interview. I had never heard the word before then. In our stake they are still asking directly about Masturbation and Porn an denying temple recommends if there has been either in the past 4-6 months. (it used to be a year)

I know this is a very sensitive topic, but I have to throw in my two cents here. The whole youth program is set up to socialize young men and women into the Church's expectations for them and their lives (which, as you know, is church attendance, priesthood responsibilities, mission preparation, preparation for temple marriage, having children and raising them in the Church, paying tithing, etc.). It can marshal powerful forces to do this: peer pressure, spiritually manipulative group experiences, strict behavioral rules, and the big one--the bishop as an intermediary between the young man/woman and God.

The youth are taught that they must "confess" their sins, and even their peccadilloes to this man, who will wisely dispense counsel, punishments/penance, and eventually forgiveness. And all of this is to maintain "worthiness" in the youth. I'm not knocking the importance of behavioral expectations and rules for teenagers, because they are important. But if you're not careful, your son will be taught to put the bishop between himself and the Atonement, and trained to rely on the bishop's wisdom and magnanimity for constant maintenance of forgiveness/worthiness. One of the BIG items on the list of dos and donts is chastity.

I don't know what kinds of chats you've had with your son about sexuality so far. But I can tell you from personal experience (and I think many other men on the site can, as well) that masturbation is one of the things many bishops will want to know about, so they can administer repentance and forgiveness. From my painful personal experience I would have been better off being taught that masturbation was my own business, and if I felt I needed to talk with God about it, I wouldn't need to involve anyone else--especially the bishop. I endured MANY years of inappropriate guilt and shame because of this topic, which I eventually learned was only my business and not something I needed to tell some random priesthood authority about it.

I really believe that bishops should simply ask the question about chastity--yes or no--and move on. Your son's sexuality is his own business, and he can learn about it and handle anything that comes up himself with your help and guidance. As for the dentist down the street who has been called as bishop--it's really not any of his business.