Mass disclosure

This is for encouragement, ideas, and support for people going through a faith transition no matter where you hope to end up. This is also the place to laugh, cry, and love together.
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wtfluff
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Re: Mass disclosure

Post by wtfluff » Tue Aug 13, 2019 12:08 pm

Red Ryder wrote:
Tue Aug 13, 2019 10:37 am
... I’m following the example of my personal Savior WTFluff who sat outside for his own child’s wedding...
OY! (I'm not so sure I like that Personal Savior bit, but I'll take it as a compliment coming from the Red Cowboy. ;) )

Anywhoo, here are a couple more "replies" I liked that we came up with during my anticipatory "missing the creepy polygamist marriage" outing thread:
  • I'm allergic to fake green silk.
  • Those mirrors REALLY CREEP ME OUT!
I'll also reiterate: I didn't get to use any of my "replies." Dead silence the entire day about my "absence." Dead silence for more than 7 months after the fact also, save for one, and none of that communication has been in person.


Also Slaver, I think that you're wife's "Official Answer" should anyone ask her should be: "Why don't you ask Slavereeno?" (Or I guess she could use one of the very insightful sarcastic answers fellow NOM's have come up with.)
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

Keep the company of those who seek the truth - run from those who have found it -Václav Havel

Brilliant.

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Raylan Givens
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Re: Mass disclosure

Post by Raylan Givens » Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:45 pm

That's a tough one.

Hopefully, through the pain/anxiety you can be the first smiling face they see. That will have to be enough.

I can see my wonderful FIL's face as we exited the temple. The love was very apparent, any contention was quickly forgotten.

Hopefully the mission has brought maturity, and as the black and wide glasses fade. New shades of understanding will happen.

All the best.
"Ah, you know, I think you use the Bible to do whatever the hell you like" - Raylan Givens

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Angel
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Re: Mass disclosure

Post by Angel » Wed Aug 14, 2019 6:28 am

slavereeno wrote:
Tue Aug 13, 2019 6:41 am
So yesterday was FIL and soon-to-be-married sister. Today a couple more siblings. The wedding will eventually be the thing that razes it all to the ground, since DW will go but I will be waiting outside. My parents seemed pleased that I wasn't going inside, weird.

DW wants me to have my official answer as to why I am outside prepared, and she has to prepare hers.
When I was married in the temple, my grandmother refused to even come to our reception afterwards because of her feminist beliefs - at the time I did not understand it. Now I have so much respect for her. TR's are another "exclusion" policy and it hurts for sure. I guess as with all the ***ty things in life, you can either let it harden you, or you can use it to become more empathetic, kinder, more humble, patient. Going jogging has really helped me, or biking, getting outside in nature, sunrises, guided meditation, reading uplifting things like the Tao Te Ching. Big hugs your way.
When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Corsair
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Re: Mass disclosure

Post by Corsair » Wed Aug 14, 2019 9:39 am

Salvereeno, may I carefully ask which temple this will be at? I might be able to show up appropriately dressed as a source of moral support.

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slavereeno
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Re: Mass disclosure

Post by slavereeno » Wed Aug 14, 2019 9:50 am

wtfluff wrote:
Tue Aug 13, 2019 12:08 pm
Also Slaver, I think that you're wife's "Official Answer" should anyone ask her should be: "Why don't you ask Slavereeno?"
Yes, this would be the best answer for her to give.

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slavereeno
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Re: Mass disclosure

Post by slavereeno » Wed Aug 14, 2019 9:51 am

Raylan Givens wrote:
Tue Aug 13, 2019 11:45 pm
Hopefully, through the pain/anxiety you can be the first smiling face they see. That will have to be enough.

I can see my wonderful FIL's face as we exited the temple. The love was very apparent, any contention was quickly forgotten.
Thanks, My sister actually thanked me for telling family beforehand so it wouldn't detract from her day. A couple of my siblingss turned out to be far more progressive (NOMish?) than I thought.

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slavereeno
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Re: Mass disclosure

Post by slavereeno » Wed Aug 14, 2019 9:53 am

Angel wrote:
Wed Aug 14, 2019 6:28 am
Going jogging has really helped me, or biking, getting outside in nature, sunrises, guided meditation, reading uplifting things like the Tao Te Ching. Big hugs your way.
Yep, all that stuff has fallen by the wayside as this has transpired. Time to get back to some peace.

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slavereeno
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Re: Mass disclosure

Post by slavereeno » Wed Aug 14, 2019 9:53 am

Corsair wrote:
Wed Aug 14, 2019 9:39 am
Salvereeno, may I carefully ask which temple this will be at? I might be able to show up appropriately dressed as a source of moral support.
Yes, I will PM you the location.

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Red Ryder
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Re: Mass disclosure

Post by Red Ryder » Wed Aug 14, 2019 10:22 am

slavereeno wrote:
Wed Aug 14, 2019 9:53 am
Corsair wrote:
Wed Aug 14, 2019 9:39 am
Salvereeno, may I carefully ask which temple this will be at? I might be able to show up appropriately dressed as a source of moral support.
Yes, I will PM you the location.
Do we need to send another Pizza?
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

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slavereeno
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Re: Mass disclosure

Post by slavereeno » Thu Aug 15, 2019 7:34 pm

Apparently there will be some other adults out there with me. Nobody from my generation but some endowed nonetheless.

My son is home, so nice to have him back. I will be happy when he knows where I stand as far as church goes, but I hate to do this to him, he is so so happy to be home. I feel like this will take some of the wind out of his sails. :cry:

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græy
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Re: Mass disclosure

Post by græy » Thu Aug 15, 2019 9:16 pm

slavereeno wrote:
Thu Aug 15, 2019 7:34 pm
Apparently there will be some other adults out there with me. Nobody from my generation but some endowed nonetheless.

My son is home, so nice to have him back. I will be happy when he knows where I stand as far as church goes, but I hate to do this to him, he is so so happy to be home. I feel like this will take some of the wind out of his sails. :cry:
I'm sorry this is so hard slavereeno. Be honest with your son, and I think he will understand that you're not trying to hurt him or anyone in your family. As was said before, love will win the day.

I wish I had more than supportive hopes and positive thoughts to send your way.
I'm better than dirt... well most dirt. Not that fancy store bought stuff, I can't compete with that... full of nutrients and everything. -Moe Sizlack

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slavereeno
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Re: Mass disclosure

Post by slavereeno » Mon Aug 19, 2019 9:02 am

græy wrote:
Thu Aug 15, 2019 9:16 pm
slavereeno wrote:
Thu Aug 15, 2019 7:34 pm
Apparently there will be some other adults out there with me. Nobody from my generation but some endowed nonetheless.

My son is home, so nice to have him back. I will be happy when he knows where I stand as far as church goes, but I hate to do this to him, he is so so happy to be home. I feel like this will take some of the wind out of his sails. :cry:
I'm sorry this is so hard slavereeno. Be honest with your son, and I think he will understand that you're not trying to hurt him or anyone in your family. As was said before, love will win the day.

I wish I had more than supportive hopes and positive thoughts to send your way.
Thanks, the support I get here has been a real life-line for me.

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slavereeno
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Re: Mass disclosure

Post by slavereeno » Mon Aug 19, 2019 9:05 am

Update:

The disclosures are done now. DW and I are just tying to live with the fallout. DS is home and we gave him a big hug and a few days before dropping the bomb.

My parents and siblings and children are all in the know. Its a relief in some ways and kind of stressful in others.

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græy
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Re: Mass disclosure

Post by græy » Mon Aug 19, 2019 9:34 am

slavereeno wrote:
Mon Aug 19, 2019 9:05 am
Update:

The disclosures are done now. DW and I are just tying to live with the fallout. DS is home and we gave him a big hug and a few days before dropping the bomb.

My parents and siblings and children are all in the know. Its a relief in some ways and kind of stressful in others.
Well done taking that monumental step. I know all too well how scary/painful it can be even considering that process (largely because I'm still just considering starting that process :P). I hope the rest of your family and especially your children handle it well and will still recognize the good man/husband/father you are.
I'm better than dirt... well most dirt. Not that fancy store bought stuff, I can't compete with that... full of nutrients and everything. -Moe Sizlack

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wtfluff
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Re: Mass disclosure

Post by wtfluff » Mon Aug 19, 2019 10:10 am

slavereeno wrote:
Mon Aug 19, 2019 9:05 am
Its a relief in some ways and kind of stressful in others.
Dear Godzilla, ain't that relief/stress dichotomy the absolute Truth™?

As one who has likely done everything wrong during my transition; And contemplated and worried about the "coming out" part of it for way too many years... The stress part has surprised me more than anything.
Faith does not give you the answers, it just stops you asking the questions. -Frater Ravus

Keep the company of those who seek the truth - run from those who have found it -Václav Havel

Brilliant.

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slavereeno
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Re: Mass disclosure

Post by slavereeno » Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:27 pm

wtfluff wrote:
Mon Aug 19, 2019 10:10 am
slavereeno wrote:
Mon Aug 19, 2019 9:05 am
Its a relief in some ways and kind of stressful in others.
Dear Godzilla, ain't that relief/stress dichotomy the absolute Truth™?

As one who has likely done everything wrong during my transition; And contemplated and worried about the "coming out" part of it for way too many years... The stress part has surprised me more than anything.
Yeah, I suppose some part of me thought this was going to be easier. I falsely assumed that at least one other person in my family would give a sh*t about the church's history and issues. :lol: They all seem either indifferent or afraid.

So DW has been having all kinds of conversations about me, and I think in the end this has also damaged our relationship. It feels at the moment this is the new norm. Anyhow its not really been fun, so I suppose I am the TBM poster child for why you don't question the "true" church.
"As soon as Savereeno turned his back on the church his whole countenance darkened. I could tell the Wholly Spook had left him. We shur love him though and know he'll make his way back and find happiness again."

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Red Ryder
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Re: Mass disclosure

Post by Red Ryder » Tue Aug 20, 2019 2:51 pm

So DW has been having all kinds of conversations about me, and I think in the end this has also damaged our relationship. It feels at the moment this is the new norm. Anyhow its not really been fun, so I suppose I am the TBM poster child for why you don't question the "true" church.
This is the one underestimated mistake all spouses make. They talk which as we all know becomes part of the gossip culture, which then leads to shunning and distancing, which then bites them when they no longer have friends or acquaintances in the ward willing to risk the contagious nature of disbelief.

It’s literally equivalent to sh!tting the bed!

That pattern is hard to watch become reality. Especially when your spouse has so much friendship to offer. My wife might as well be a church widow. The ward treats her that way even though I’ve been sitting right beside her every week.

It’s frustrating to live this continually never ending experience years AFTER losing belief.

Sometimes I think it would be easier to just up and quit the church, the marriage, and the mixed faith marriage tight rope walk. It’s emotionally exhausting for very little benefit.
Those who do not move do not notice their chains. —Rosa Luxemburg

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jfro18
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Re: Mass disclosure

Post by jfro18 » Tue Aug 20, 2019 3:47 pm

slavereeno wrote:
Tue Aug 20, 2019 1:27 pm
So DW has been having all kinds of conversations about me, and I think in the end this has also damaged our relationship. It feels at the moment this is the new norm. Anyhow its not really been fun, so I suppose I am the TBM poster child for why you don't question the "true" church.
Ugh - so sorry. That is one of the side effects that just sucks... when you know people in church (and family) are going behind your back to talk to your spouse about your disaffection.

I remember one of the other YW counselors dropped by to drop off a "cheer up" plate of fruit and cookies to DW and then proceeded to tell her to call any time she needed to talk about what I was doing, and that she "loves to help people with this." All of this while the ring doorbell was recording it, so I saw it and then became incredibly paranoid about what else she was hearing.

Fun times!

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slavereeno
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Re: Mass disclosure

Post by slavereeno » Tue Aug 20, 2019 4:59 pm

Red Ryder wrote:
Tue Aug 20, 2019 2:51 pm
That pattern is hard to watch become reality. Especially when your spouse has so much friendship to offer. My wife might as well be a church widow. The ward treats her that way even though I’ve been sitting right beside her every week.

It’s frustrating to live this continually never ending experience years AFTER losing belief.
I have to give credit to DW, she is doing her best to handle the situation and shut down the conversations as much as she can. This is certainly no more fun for her than for me.

But what kind of effect does this constant bombardment of people asking about me, as though I had committed the worst sin they can think of have on DWs view of her husband. I can't imagine its terribly flattering. Its always referred to as my "problem" or my "crisis", the entire vocabulary is demeaning.
Last edited by slavereeno on Tue Aug 20, 2019 5:09 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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slavereeno
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Re: Mass disclosure

Post by slavereeno » Tue Aug 20, 2019 5:07 pm

jfro18 wrote:
Tue Aug 20, 2019 3:47 pm
Ugh - so sorry. That is one of the side effects that just sucks... when you know people in church (and family) are going behind your back to talk to your spouse about your disaffection.

I remember one of the other YW counselors dropped by to drop off a "cheer up" plate of fruit and cookies to DW and then proceeded to tell her to call any time she needed to talk about what I was doing, and that she "loves to help people with this." All of this while the ring doorbell was recording it, so I saw it and then became incredibly paranoid about what else she was hearing.

Fun times!
Exactly. This, they go to DW to discuss because she is "safe" My mother did this early on waiting until I left then asking DW how slavereeno was doing. My wife told her she needed to ask me, and then I followed up with a phone call and had a frank conversation telling Mom to back of DW.

DW really isn't enjoying it. I loath the day the ward gets word. We will probably have to move.

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