For a little background on me, I was born and raised in the church, served a mission, married in the temple, and still live in Utah. My family and in-laws are all super active, black and white thinkers. My change in faith started about 3 years ago shortly after I got married. Polygamy had bugged me for years so I decided to do some research hoping everything would make sense. At that point I couldn’t imagine that the church might not be what it claimed to be and I expected to come out of it all with a stronger testimony.
![Rolling Eyes :roll:](./images/smilies/icon_rolleyes.gif)
My husband and I have talked a lot about how we want to move forward and how we want to raise our future kids, but we’re really not sure. I don’t think telling our families would go well. I talked to my mom a little last month, and it was awful. She said I’m being deceived by Satan, I just need to stop reading anti-mormon materials, anything can be proven true/false on the internet etc. Now our relationship feels awkward. At this point I can’t see any value in talking to anyone else about it.
Right now the most appealing option is to attend meetings just often enough that the leadership thinks I’m trying and hopefully I can keep my temple recommend. That way I can attend the occasional wedding, my husband can bless our baby, and we won’t have to out ourselves. Maybe we can reevaluate in 8 years by the time we have to deal with a baptism. To make it through the interview I’d pretty much have to lie about some things, but I don’t think that would bother me. The church has already caused me so much pain, I don’t want to let them take away my family, too. Maybe that makes me a horrible person, but I don’t think I would feel guilty. I see the greater good as keeping my family relationships intact.
Anyway, my one hang up with this is the tithing question. We have been donating 10% of our income to charities or people in need in our community. This is the one thing I could see them calling me out on if I say I’m a full tithe payer. What are your thoughts on this? I’ve heard you can pay tithing anonymously. Is that true? If they try to ask why I haven’t submitted donations to the ward could I just say I pay anonymously and that would be enough?