No Tooth Fairy

[Linked]

My oldest told us he has his first loose tooth this weekend and is stoked to start collecting the sweet tooth fairy cash. A while after he discovered the tooth was loose he and I were alone in the kitchen. He turned to me and asked, "Dad, is the tooth fairy real?" I thought for a moment, then simply said, "No."

He didn't seem surprised or happy or sad about it. I asked him if that bothered him and he said it didn't, and I asked him if he knew where the money would come from and he said the parents. I asked if someone had told him and he said, "My brain told me."

Next he said, "There was something else I was wondering about being real Dad." My eyes got big. I thought he was about to ask me if Jesus was real, or God. Then he said, "Yeah, there were three things. Santa, the tooth fairy, and another one." "The Easter Bunny?" I offered. "Yeah, that's it!" And I breathed a sigh of relief. Not quite ready to get into God with him, especially with my wife still being heavily invested in the mormon narrative.

[azflyer]

Our youngest is four years old and just lost his first tooth. My wife, who is the LESS believing of the two of us, was SUPER excited to put some money under his pillow and play 'toothfairy' for the night. It was so great to see the enormous smile on his face when he came in the next morning with a $5 bill. I was quite shocked as the toothfairy typically only brought me a quarter when I was little.

All but our two youngest children have all grown out of the Santa / Easter Bunny / Tooth Fairy phase. I too wonder if it will ever lead to a more mature discussion about beliefs in God. I think it will.

How old is your oldest?

[Korihor]

$5?! for a tooth?! Inflation sucks!

Linked, good job on being real with your son.

AZflyer - don't eat out for lunch too often, that kid has got a few more teeth to cash in.

[azflyer]

$5?! for a tooth?! Inflation sucks!

Linked, good job on being real with your son.

AZflyer - don't eat out for lunch too often, that kid has got a few more teeth to cash in.

Ya, our four other kids were none too happy that the 'baby' got $5. There were quite a few protests. That kid is going to be spoiled rotten.

[Red Ryder]

It's a right of passage that correlates with growing up. No harm no foul, right?

But what do you do when your teenager comes home and says they're an atheist?

[Linked]

Our youngest is four years old and just lost his first tooth. My wife, who is the LESS believing of the two of us, was SUPER excited to put some money under his pillow and play 'toothfairy' for the night. It was so great to see the enormous smile on his face when he came in the next morning with a $5 bill. I was quite shocked as the toothfairy typically only brought me a quarter when I was little.

All but our two youngest children have all grown out of the Santa / Easter Bunny / Tooth Fairy phase. I too wonder if it will ever lead to a more mature discussion about beliefs in God. I think it will.

How old is your oldest?

He's almost 6. We had a similar discussion about Santa when he told us that he heard Santa wasn't real a few months ago. We will still put money under his pillow when he looses teeth, but some of the magic will probably be missing. But that's okay. I bet we will get thank you's from him, so there's that.

I go back and forth on whether or not this line of thought will lead to questioning God. On one hand they are pretty similar, though you could say there is more evidence for the tooth fairy than god, she leaves stuff behind. But the indoctrination at church and everyone he interacts with is deep, and very serious. And it never led me to wonder. Hopefully my kids can have an opportunity to wonder.

[Linked]

It's a right of passage that correlates with growing up. No harm no foul, right?

But what do you do when your teenager comes home and says they're an atheist?

My brother is dealing with that right now. He and my nephew do not like each other much right now.

"Nephew, come down stairs for scriptures."

"I'm an atheist, I don't believe in your religion, why would I come read your scriptures?"

If it were me I would try to let him openly explore his beliefs, giving him access to different philosophies and religions, but that is not the TBM way. And this kid seems to be rebelling generally, so it's difficult to know what beliefs he will land on when/if he feels less rebellious. I would have issues if my son came to me and said he believed he should hurt others, but that is separate from religious beliefs.

[LaMachina]

$5 bucks indeed...making us cheapskates look bad!

Often when asked these types of questions I ask my kids what THEY think. Kids get a bad rap sometimes, they can actually be really perceptive about things when not indoctrinated. All my kids determined Santa wasn't real at surprisingly young ages and in the same way you mention - their brain told them. All of them realized Noah's ark was not possible while still in Primary.

The God question comes up fairly regularly around our house. While I lean atheist I ask them what they think and give them examples of how different belief systems look at it. It leads to way more satisfying conversations than just "this is what god is like cuz some dude said" or "nope, god doesn't exist". It's easy for us though cuz my wife and I are on the same page. At this point (although it's probably pointless to categorize where a child's belief spectrum is but I will anyways) I would say my kids are hopeful deists. They think the idea of an interventionist god doesn't make much sense but they of course really like the idea that they will see all their family again in heaven. My youngest also expressed the hope a few years ago that Jesus would come back because then he would be able to ride grizzly bears. I'm not sure which Primary lesson led to that particular thought but who am I to douse such an awesome idea!?

As far as instilling wonder we still have so many awesome conversations without the need to invoke fantastical claims. We talk about the universe and how life has arisen on the planet and what would be required for life on other planets, how evolution may have gone different directions (my son wished we had developed 6 limbs instead of our paltry 4) and just yesterday over pizza we had a great discussion about consciousness, brains and what makes us us. This was with a 14, 11 & 9 year old and it was filled with wonder and way better than any family scripture reading could've ever been.

[MerrieMiss]

When I was about six, a kid at school told me his mom was the tooth fairy. I was so excited to tell my mom. "Mom, Josh's mom is the tooth fairy! She comes to our house. What a cool job!" My mom agreed that it was a pretty cool job to have.

Yeah, I didn't get it. I think it's a kinda cute story though. I don't see a lot of harm in letting kids believe in the fantastic. Realism does win in the end, and then those magical days of childhood are only memories.

[Enoch Witty]

I think it's great that you gave him a straight, honest answer when he asked you a straight, honest question. The whole Santa thing didn't bother me, but my younger brother felt deeply betrayed that my parents had lied to him all those years. On one hand, I think Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy are fun traditions/games to play, but I am not at all comfortable lying to my kid. It's bad enough that his mother and entire extended family are going to be telling him what I perceive to be lies about God; do I really want to throw more lies on top of that? I don't know the right thing to do.

[Linked]

When I was about six, a kid at school told me his mom was the tooth fairy. I was so excited to tell my mom. "Mom, Josh's mom is the tooth fairy! She comes to our house. What a cool job!" My mom agreed that it was a pretty cool job to have.

Yeah, I didn't get it. I think it's a kinda cute story though. I don't see a lot of harm in letting kids believe in the fantastic. Realism does win in the end, and then those magical days of childhood are only memories.

I think it's great that you gave him a straight, honest answer when he asked you a straight, honest question. The whole Santa thing didn't bother me, but my younger brother felt deeply betrayed that my parents had lied to him all those years. On one hand, I think Santa/Easter Bunny/Tooth Fairy are fun traditions/games to play, but I am not at all comfortable lying to my kid. It's bad enough that his mother and entire extended family are going to be telling him what I perceive to be lies about God; do I really want to throw more lies on top of that? I don't know the right thing to do.

MerrieMiss, that is a really cute story, I bet your parents have laughed about that lots of times. I like what you guys said. Being a little kid IS a magical time, so no need to spoil the magic. But if your kid wants a straight answer, it is not worth lying to your child about, otherwise you might get betrayed kids. And please tell them before they are going to be made fun of for it (~7?).

Side note - I have a friend who looked mortified when I told him that I was honest with my son when he asked about Santa. He got a little angry about it, because our kids play together occasionally and he didn't want my parenting decisions to mess with his. But if he thinks I am going to worry about that when I decide what to tell him he's got another think coming...