I feel so alone

[MerrieMiss]

I’m feeling low. Sundays have always been difficult, but I went to RS today and I just feel lonely. I look around the chapel during F&T, around the RS room (I did skip second hour) and I just want to know that there is someone else out there. From what I can tell, I’m alone. It’s times like these NOM is my sanity check because I begin to wonder if maybe I’m the one who has it all wrong. Anyway, it’s nothing chocolate chip cookies can’t fix. Off to self-medicate the Mormon way.

I’ll try to do a write up on the RS lesson on the polygamy essay tomorrow.

[Silver Girl]

Wish we lived close enough to share some of those cookies with some coffee (or tea, or milk) and a chat and a hug. Hang in there. You're never alone here on NOM.

[Hermey]

You are not alone, and you are not the one who has it all wrong. Check out MormonSpectrum.org Maybe you can find a group near you that you can meet up with in person. Sometimes, it can be a life-saver.

[Mormorrisey]

This is one I can feel complete empathy for, so sending good vibes for you. Couldn't face what you felt myself today, so I bailed. I hope going to the polygamy lesson didn't trigger this! Looking forward to the report, but sorry it did this to you today.

[MoPag]

((Hugs)) Love you MM!!

I love reading your posts. You have such a strong and beautiful NOM voice. Maybe we could start an SM survival thread where we all just try and post funny/encouraging things for the people stuck in church.

I am looking forward to your RS polygamy essay thread. I hope it will be cathartic to write it and discuss it here on NOM. So did they release you from primary? I got released from primary not too long ago. It broke my heart.

[Rob4Hope]

I'm brand new here.

I'm Nephi...listen to me. I am a profit!

MM,...you are so NORMAL and not alone out there. I live in the Mormon Corridor, and I feel lonely as well. My family and I have major disconnects over this...but I'm alive and here.

I know how you feel. Hold strong...you will survive. You are already a strong person or you wouldn't have found this place nor reached out.

[moksha]

Anyway, it’s nothing chocolate chip cookies can’t fix. Off to self-medicate the Mormon way.

The restorative powers of chocolate chips cookies is indeed great. A digital hug to you along with the knowledge that you are never alone as long as your internet connection to NOM 2.0 (and its spiritual predecessor NOM 1.0 now on Kolob) stays active.

[nibbler]

I know the feeling. I know of a few people in my ward that I could talk to... except they have parted ways with the church so they're never there on Sunday.

[alas]

It helped me to remind myself that it is all a game of the Emperor's new clothes. Other people see, but they are so afraid that they are the only one who does. So, in fear of others thinking they are a fool (spiritually) they never say the truth about what they do see. They believe that the emperor knows he has clothing on, so, they assume there must be something wrong with them. Because everyone but them can't be crazy, so the simplest explanation is that they are.

So, no you are not the only one sitting in that meeting feeling lonely and wondering if they are the only one who sees, or maybe they themselves are just crazy.

I spent many years as an active nonbeliever, passing as orthodox. I had a temple recommend and just never commented in class. But in each of the many wards we lived in, I had one or two women approach me with questions they didn't dare ask anyone else. I guess my free thinking showed as soon as people got past the surface in getting to know me. But I had women in stake and high ward callings come to me with, "what do you think about how Joseph practiced poligamy?" I had to go carefully, but I figured that if they were asking, that it bothered them. So, I would admit that the issue bothered me deeply and we would talk. Or, "what do you think about reincarnation?" So, I would reply with a tentative, "I think it makes more sense than a one shot pass/fail test." And we would both share our feelings on how the "plan of salvation" just feels unfair considering the different circumstances we are all born into. So, I ended up friends with a RSP who secretly thought Joseph was a fallen prophet, and a stake RSP who felt JS was a fraud, but believed the church does a lot of good, and a primary president who believed in reincarnation and thought that Jesus was nothing but an allegory. I found people who were questioning, or completely NOM. I found over all that when you get really close to people, that over half of them have between serious questions and full out disbelief. So, no you really are not alone. It is just that no one dares to ask what the blank the Emperor is wearing out loud. But many of them are thinking it.

[AllieOop]

I’m feeling low. Sundays have always been difficult, but I went to RS today and I just feel lonely. I look around the chapel during F&T, around the RS room (I did skip second hour) and I just want to know that there is someone else out there. From what I can tell, I’m alone. It’s times like these NOM is my sanity check because I begin to wonder if maybe I’m the one who has it all wrong. Anyway, it’s nothing chocolate chip cookies can’t fix. Off to self-medicate the Mormon way.

I’ll try to do a write up on the RS lesson on the polygamy essay tomorrow.

I would love to hear how the lesson went, MerrieMiss!

I feel so bad that you came away feeling as you did though. So many here understand that feeling well and we are here for you (although I know that's not the same as having someone in your ward who you can talk to about this).

One thing to remember is that it's very likely there were others there feeling as you did during the lesson (who have to fake it or pretend too). I know that doesn't help the loneliness go away though and I'm sorry.

I'll be watching for you to post more and I hope you're feeling better today!



*****************

[Red Ryder]

It's lonely sometimes but what pulls me together is it normally only lasts about 3 hours a week (if that). Then life reminds me I have 168 hours to enjoy whatever makes me the happiest before the next 3 hours of eye ball rolling, mundane meetings, and mormon culture.

[Korihor]

I feel for ya.

For God so loved the world, that he sent his only begotten internet. That whosoever browseth it should not perish, but have everlasting social media.

[MerrieMiss]

Thanks everyone. It doesn’t help I’m on the late church schedule. It’s enough to make a TBM rethink the truth claims of the church one year at a time.

It’s been years since I’ve attended any adult classes at church and I forgot what they are like. As much as I was ready to be done with Primary, I always taught it with the belief the kids didn’t want to be there, I didn’t want to be there, and we made the best of a bad situation. Adult classes in church are brutal and in comparison, my Primary class was a lot of fun.

I’ve never felt like I socially fit in at church and I don’t know which is worse – feeling like I don’t fit in because I am damaged in some way or feeling like I don’t fit in because I see something everyone else doesn’t. It’s weird.

Anyway, I went on a run this morning, took the kids outside to play for a while, and feel a lot better. It may only be three hours, but it’s the shortest longest time.

[2bizE]

I am so sorry. I have felt the same way for some time. I am physically not alone, but alone as there is nobody I can share my faith crisis with...except NOM. NOM has been my psychologist. May you find happiness and friendship and peace.

[aerin]

I’ve never felt like I socially fit in at church and I don’t know which is worse – feeling like I don’t fit in because I am damaged in some way or feeling like I don’t fit in because I see something everyone else doesn’t. It’s weird.

I love the song in "Into the Woods" that no one is alone. Can post the video if you'd like.

I really struggle with the "damaged" narrative. What does that even mean? Who is damaged, anyway? I like to think that everyone is worthy and deserving of love and respect (until they prove otherwise). Feeling like one is in the out group (out of the tribe) can be incredibly hard and stressful.

It may sound strange, but I like to remember "don't believe everything you think". Everyone should evaluate things logically, and with input from trusted friends. But sometimes our brains like to focus on fear and non-rational thoughts, which humans evolved to do, to stay safe. Our brains focus on the 1 negative comment, instead of the 20 positive ones.

[Abinidied]

Hang in there MM. Nothing worse than being surrounded by people you known (I'm assuming) and find they are talking a toadally different language (ribbit). For me, It feels a lot like solitary confinement - the difference being you can see and hear everybody but they don't see or hear you. It's like Ursula reached down my throat and ripped out my testimony larynx. Without a voice, the hollow in the heart seems like an undeviating destiny, but like you, I find NOM to be a place where I'm heard, accepted for who I am, and offered big whacks of support. I've only been a NOM for a month, but love what it is to feel like I've truly found my kin. I really identify with your glum and wish you a good shot of comfort. Cookie dough is my escape. All the best.