Impermanent Ward Relationships are Still Real

[Linked]

Please pardon my ramblings...

The way the church is setup, people's friendships are often determined by ward boundaries and callings. One year you are in the YM presidency and meet with Brother X weekly working closely together on something you both think is important; sharing jokes and discussing family. The next year you get released and you rarely interact with Brother X outside of a smile and hello in the hall. Or if your ward boundaries shift you never speak with Brother X again.

Sometimes these impermanent relationships are considered hollow and one of the problems with the church. But these impermanent ward relationships can still fill a significant social need. The relationship is very real while you are in it. It can also be nice to not have another person to add to the Christmas card list while still feeling close. It's like a lot of coworker relationships. I don't think these relationships are necessarily bad.

It can be a shock that none of these relationships survive when going thru a faith transition. It is unfortunate that such a large social connection is owned by the church, and any weaponization of that is dystopian though in many cases I suspect that it is coincidental and not malicious. For some of us who don't go on to another church nothing fills that social hole. Viewing these relationships as coworker relationships may help to better find peace with their impermanence. Perhaps a service group or club of some kind could provide a similar social benefit as church relationships once did.

[moksha]

Years ago the people living on 90th South in Sandy, Utah did not know their neighbors on the other side of the street. Why? Because the middle of the street was the dividing line between the LDS Stakes.

[Hagoth]

Years ago the people living on 90th South in Sandy, Utah did not know their neighbors on the other side of the street. Why? Because the middle of the street was the dividing line between the LDS Stakes.

Same for Highland Drive. Boyd K. Packer used to live just across Highland from me and we never hung out together.

[Linked]

Years ago the people living on 90th South in Sandy, Utah did not know their neighbors on the other side of the street. Why? Because the middle of the street was the dividing line between the LDS Stakes.

Same for Highland Drive. Boyd K. Packer used to live just across Highland from me and we never hung out together.

Hahaha, you missed out on some little factory lectures!

Do people in less mormon-dominated areas form meaningful relationships with their neighbors? I have little interest in relationships with my neighbors, but I may be a hermit.

[RubinHighlander]

It can be a shock that none of these relationships survive when going thru a faith transition.

There are a few exceptions, but I'd guess very few. DW and I still maintain some connection to a few TBM friends we made in our travels around this stake, having lived in 4 different wards over the years and me 10 years in the stake tech specialist and auditor callings. But those connections are pretty thin from what they were. I think it's primarily those TBMs that are not at the extreme far right. I see the evidence of this in some of their IG posts: quotes from MLK or other efforts to try and show their unconditional love in spite of TSCC's "policies". I can often sense their cogdis over these issues and their efforts to show they are progressive and unbigoted. I've also had some of them show some interest and support for my use of medical MJ and fungus, which I don't throw in their face, but it sometimes shows up in the content on my IG posts. This might be a form of condescenvy or just envy. I hope they can see that DW and our kids are living a happy adulting lifestyle, free from the tyranny of TSCC. Live by example.

So far we have not had any of our TBM family shun us over our exit. We've managed many mixed social events without any offense that we are aware of. Our more brash humor might sometimes ruffles a few feathers, but we try to maintain respectability without too much compromise. At Thanksgiving, DW told everyone that we are not going to pray but that they were welcome to thank whatever gods or higher powers in silence. We also recently got all the pretty liquor bottles out of the closet onto a vintage service cart, now proudly displayed in our small formal front living room. We used to put all that stuff away when DWs TBM mom or brother's family came over, but its not hiding anymore (we do still put away the bongs, pipes and such and we wait to get really lit until after they go home). We don't expect them to put away all their LDS trinkets and art when we go to their house. For our family it seems we have reached some equilibrium of mutual respect and agree to disagree. I hope this is the situation for most mixed faith and non-faith families; love can conquer all (or at least most) if you let it.

[Linked]

...condescenvy...

I have never heard this term before and I love it, it's perfect.

[RubinHighlander]

...condescenvy...

I have never heard this term before and I love it, it's perfect.

I have to give credit to FiveFingerMnemonic for that one. He's not on here much these days. I think it is a perfect word to describe what we NOMies and Xmos experience sometimes with TBMs; when they are condescending/judgmental and simultaneously envious of our new more free lifestyle. It's the mental gymnastics they have to play.

[moksha]

Years ago the people living on 90th South in Sandy, Utah did not know their neighbors on the other side of the street. Why? Because the middle of the street was the dividing line between the LDS Stakes.

Same for Highland Drive. Boyd K. Packer used to live just across Highland from me and we never hung out together.

Just think of those days when Highland Drive and 90th South were rural two-lane roads. Of course, I remember an old guy who told me of a time when 7th East was unpaved and they used to herd sheep on it. I think Highland Dr. was similar.

Russell M. Nelson was a year old when they opened the Coon Chicken Inn on 2950 S. Highland Drive.



This can help explain the apostles' formative influences and why they react so vehemently to the LQBTQ community: They are living out the mores of the Victorian era, the antebellum South, and the days before the Magna Carta.

[deacon blues]

I love the picture!
I happen to live one block south of 90th South and we forget what things were like in the forties, sixties, and well, even the eighties. Sometimes I consider moving to a small town, but I'm spoiled by having a Walmart and Costco nearby.
My wife works in the temple and she often encounters our old friends there, but their visits are short because they must not hold up the building of the kingdom.

[Ghost]

I agree with this idea. Not every relationship is or needs to be "permanent" (as if anything is permanent anyway). I've had meaningful interactions with people at church and at work who I'll likely never talk to again.

One interesting thing I've noticed is how modern social media can kind of zombify those relationships. You still have a sort of a connection, but not really.

I find it valuable to be in a situation where I have to deal/work with people who are very different from me and who I might never be friends with on a the basis of mutual interests, etc.

[stuck]

Years ago the people living on 90th South in Sandy, Utah did not know their neighbors on the other side of the street. Why? Because the middle of the street was the dividing line between the LDS Stakes.

Same for Highland Drive. Boyd K. Packer used to live just across Highland from me and we never hung out together.

Just think of those days when Highland Drive and 90th South were rural two-lane roads. Of course, I remember an old guy who told me of a time when 7th East was unpaved and they used to herd sheep on it. I think Highland Dr. was similar.

Russell M. Nelson was a year old when they opened the Coon Chicken Inn on 2950 S. Highland Drive.



This can help explain the apostles' formative influences and why they react so vehemently to the LQBTQ community: They are living out the mores of the Victorian era, the antebellum South, and the days before the Magna Carta.

My dad and grandpa used to sing "A coon went out a hunting---" Now I sing A preacher went out a hunting---

Link, hey we've got NOM right? I guess I do have a "co-worker" at church that I have become "friends" with. But when my calling ends, the relationship probably will too. I like my co-workers but I don't really hang out with them after work, except once in awhile. I guess it could be fun to join a bowling league or something to have friends outside of church or work. With kids though it's a bit harder to do something like that right?

[Linked]

Link, hey we've got NOM right? I guess I do have a "co-worker" at church that I have become "friends" with. But when my calling ends, the relationship probably will too. I like my co-workers but I don't really hang out with them after work, except once in awhile. I guess it could be fun to join a bowling league or something to have friends outside of church or work. With kids though it's a bit harder to do something like that right?

Dang right we've got NOM! Thank goodness, and Corsair, for that.

It would be nice to have a replacement set of friends when the church ones disappear. But like you say, it's hard.

[AdmiralHoldo]

I don't think it's a coincidence that my need for church- based socialization went WAY down when I started my actual career (at 39). I have to assume that's why it's so important to them to keep women at home and largely isolated, to create an artificial need that only they can fill.

[Dr. Licious]

I have been a member my entire life, although now quite nuanced, like most people on this forum. I've also been serving in the US military my entire adult life, and, in my opinion, these type of relationships exist in all aspects of our childhood and adult friendships. I've had the bestest of friends in the church and in the Navy, but when we part ways, the communication and contact wanes. Thus is life. I don't think this is a unique LDS church created scenario.
Remember, be tough on systems, but easy on people.