Hard time dealing with it !

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Conman52
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Hard time dealing with it !

Post by Conman52 » Sun Mar 26, 2023 8:35 am

Hi Nomies: Just need to rant a little .My wife who is a super TBM is also into the weird news of Rumble !! So not only do I have to hear all the crazy stuff from church I have to deal with this super far right fake news Rumble. I am not left leaning by any stretch but I'm not crazy about the right either . But the crap she listens to is by anybodys standards really out there !!! I hope someone can relate. Rumble claims Putin is a good guy only defending Russia, the covid vax will kill you and Biden is eating babies !! It's tough to deal with this kind of crazy !!! I tell her I don't want to hear it but then she gets mad saying you need to hear the truth!! Can anybody chime in and suggest anything other than divorce ??
By their fruits ye shall know them

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Palerider
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Re: Hard time dealing with it !

Post by Palerider » Sun Mar 26, 2023 10:31 am

This may not help entirely, but it might provide some insight as to how her mind is (or isn't) working.

I know he was LDS but Steven Covey had a great approach to the detrimental life paradigms some people adopt. Mormons are particularly susceptible to them, but they exist in any population.

The Mormon grapevine and sometimes conservative/liberal grapevines thrive on adrenaline rushes. When we "hear" that the handcarts are even now, being built that we will have to push back to Missouri, we get a big buzz. It's kind of a high-school mentality. OooAhhh sort of thing.

Covey combats this in a couple of ways. One is "Area of concern" as opposed to "Area of influence". There are just a large number of things in this world that we have zero control over. For instance, in the area of politics I can vote. I can call my congressman or senator. I can give money to a particular candidate. I can go demonstrate somewhere. Or I can run for office myself. Outside of these items I'm pretty powerless to effect large changes in the politics of our country.

So politics is, for the most part, an area of "concern" for me......not an area of "influence". So I don't spend a lot of time getting all "buzzed up" about it. It just makes me waste time and mental energy on stuff that I can't change single-handedly. No sense in getting depressed or running around screaming the sky is falling.

Better to spend my time and energy on my actual areas where I have influence. Can I finish my Bachelors this year? Could I go for a Masters or MBA? How could I help someone in my neighborhood who is less fortunate than me? You get the picture.

The other important issue is called "Emotional maturity".

Some people have a hard time growing up emotionally. Some just develope more slowly. They seem to have a hard time growing out of that high-school mentality.

An emotionally mature person learns how to not lose control when things don't go the way they want. They also learn how to control their own desires.

It is noted that young people who begin using drugs or alcohol kind of stunt their own emotional growth at whatever age they begin to abuse. They don't learn how to deal with life's problems on a mature level.

But even non drug and alcohol users can be stunted. Narcissists are that way. They use manipulation and intimidation to get their way all the time.

If a 30 year old person throws a chair across the room when his little boy spills his milk, what is he going to do when something really goes wrong? He's overreacting because he's emotionally immature. State and federal prisons are full of 20, 30, 40, 50 year old people who have the emotional maturity of 12 and 14 year olds. In many cases that's why they're there.

The church has a tendency to foster a different kind of emotional dependency. They want you to be completely independent regarding your self-sufficiency while at the same time being utterly dependent on them for your life paradigm even though that paradigm is only partially based in reality. So it fosters an immature receptivity to non reality based conspiracy gossip, both regarding the church's covert activities and regardless of which side of the political spectrum one chooses to affiliate with as well. It's a way of keeping the members in a non-critical thinking state.
Last edited by Palerider on Sun Mar 26, 2023 10:59 am, edited 1 time in total.
"There is but one straight course, and that is to seek truth and pursue it steadily."

"Truth will ultimately prevail where there is pains to bring it to light."

George Washington

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Palerider
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Re: Hard time dealing with it !

Post by Palerider » Sun Mar 26, 2023 10:57 am

Something to keep in mind is that the kind of growth your wife may need can take some time. If one tries to force open a flower bud rather than letting it mature on it's own, the blossom can easily be ruined. Some things just take time and nurturing. They grow on their own schedule. Good soil, water and sunshine are all important but over do any of those and you can have a problem.
"There is but one straight course, and that is to seek truth and pursue it steadily."

"Truth will ultimately prevail where there is pains to bring it to light."

George Washington

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moksha
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Re: Hard time dealing with it !

Post by moksha » Sun Mar 26, 2023 1:30 pm

Fox News has been pushing lies since 1996. All those lies have created viewers who subscribe to a different reality. Can they be reintegrated into an accurate way of being? Will the family have to employ a cult deprogrammer?
Good faith does not require evidence, but it also does not turn a blind eye to that evidence. Otherwise, it becomes misplaced faith.
-- Moksha

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Culper Jr.
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Re: Hard time dealing with it !

Post by Culper Jr. » Sun Mar 26, 2023 3:27 pm

Yup, unfortunately I can 100% relate... I'm dealing with pretty much the same thing. I'm a relatively conservative guy, but wow, I constantly wonder how my wife even finds some of these websites. We're probably on some kind of watchlist or something.

The way I deal with it is to remain calm, and it is sooooo hard. Then I just pick one of the things that is most blatantly insane that she says and just calmly pick it apart. "Hmm, I'm not sure that's true honey, I think with all of the people that would have to be involved in manufacturing and planting microchips in the Covid vaccine they would have a hard time keeping evidence of that from the public." I just focus on one thing, it's so easy to get lost in the weeds. I get her to explain the mechanics of her claims. How would they go about doing that? The more she has to explain the quicker it becomes absurd.

Anyway, I'm not always successful in calming her down, and it's a TOUGH life when the crazy comes out. Good luck navigating it!

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alas
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Re: Hard time dealing with it !

Post by alas » Sun Mar 26, 2023 3:50 pm

Culper Jr. wrote:
Sun Mar 26, 2023 3:27 pm
Yup, unfortunately I can 100% relate... I'm dealing with pretty much the same thing. I'm a relatively conservative guy, but wow, I constantly wonder how my wife even finds some of these websites. We're probably on some kind of watchlist or something.

The way I deal with it is to remain calm, and it is sooooo hard. Then I just pick one of the things that is most blatantly insane that she says and just calmly pick it apart. "Hmm, I'm not sure that's true honey, I think with all of the people that would have to be involved in manufacturing and planting microchips in the Covid vaccine they would have a hard time keeping evidence of that from the public." I just focus on one thing, it's so easy to get lost in the weeds. I get her to explain the mechanics of her claims. How would they go about doing that? The more she has to explain the quicker it becomes absurd.

Anyway, I'm not always successful in calming her down, and it's a TOUGH life when the crazy comes out. Good luck navigating it!
As part of the picking it apart that Culper suggests, you might get some of the quotes that have come out about Fox News admitting that it lies to viewers, telling them what they want to hear rather than the truth.

While patiently trying to show her the real facts, be careful not to overwhelm her with too much and cause her to put up defenses by refusing to trust you. When you argue with a person about deeply held beliefs, they are very likely to believe even more strongly in their original beliefs. So, like fighting over church, it can backfire and just end up ruining the rest of the relationship. People resist what they see as efforts to change them. So, do not give her too much contradictory information too quickly.

You may do better by challenging her sources than directly attacking “the truth”. Just like a first step in disbelieving the church is we stop trusting it for some reason.

For example, you might get her to question the owners of Fox News’s motives for telling the stuff they do. What and who do very very rich guys want you to vote for? Do Republicans do more for the very rich, like lowering their taxes than Democrats do? Deregulating big companies, leading to train derailments spreading poison?

Anyway, take it slow and one step at a time or she will retrench into more extreme beliefs because she starts feeling like you are an enemy.

Gatorbait
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Re: Hard time dealing with it !

Post by Gatorbait » Fri Mar 31, 2023 3:14 pm

Never heard of Rumble, but it sounds like your wife is going down the same rabbit hole that a lot of Mormons seem to find. Good luck with that noble mon.

What ever happened to the good old days before Fox news and all the happy horse s**t that they spew out, Glen Beck, the rest of the gang? Has there always been an element of this sort of thing in the US? Was it the KKK? John Birchers?

What is it that makes any of these bozos think that a carpenter who walked the shores of the Sea of Galilee, who spoke of peace, love, forgiveness and kindness would endorse anything they say?

This has gotten out of hand, but I think we are in it for a long time still. Good grief.
"Let no man count himself righteous who permits a wrong he could avert". N.N. Riddell

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Hermey
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Re: Hard time dealing with it !

Post by Hermey » Sat Apr 01, 2023 11:42 am

Culper Jr. wrote:
Sun Mar 26, 2023 3:27 pm
...I just focus on one thing, it's so easy to get lost in the weeds. I get her to explain the mechanics of her claims. How would they go about doing that? The more she has to explain the quicker it becomes absurd..." (emphasis added)


This is a great idea. :idea: I really need to incorporate this technique into my eye-roll conversations. It's like a MOS interview. :lol:

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