PalmSprings wrote: ↑Fri Sep 06, 2019 10:17 pm
NOTHING is private about Facebook. You can add to that list twitter, Instagram and any other of those big social media sites. If you are well known or infamous, anything you post can come back and bite you. And in this case it came back to bite Ed Smart. From the way I see it this situation is messed up on all sides. Everyone has some part of the blame for the hell the Smart family is going through.
Yes, and with the way Ed used the media to keep people searching for his daughter, you think there is any possibility that Ed didn’t know this would become public? Seriously? He knew that by telling more than his immediate family, that it would go public and as soon as he was seen with a man in public, everyone would be speculating about the reason for the divorce. Nope, he used the fact that it would become public in a way that said, “This is the basic situation, now leave my family alone.” By saying it was only meant for close friends and family, he was telling the public at large that it is none of your G*d damn business. He was labeling the fact that it got leaked as “people sure are gossips” and making everyone who knows feel just a little guilty for having been told, like they got caught gossiping. Ed knows what he was doing in the way this “leaked” out.
Now, I kind of have seen this situation from both sides, er ...maybe three sides. My SIL got dumped by her first gay husband after four kids. He was not considerate about it, because knowing my SIL he had to be a bit cruel to make her stop loving and clinging to him. But I think he divorced his kiddos too, so kind of different that Ed Smart. I would call how he came out destroying his family. So, I have seen a destroyed family up close. I also have a daughter who is lesbian and married a guy, then divorced. Because being “that way” was so frowned on, she did not even recognize in herself that she just was not really attracted to men. I saw it and scratched my head about her choice of men that I would call effeminate. It wasn’t like there were no masculine guys attracted to her, but she saw them as dear friends and married the...what is a word for a guy who is physically small, nerdy, and...well, it wouldn’t surprise me a bit if some of the guys she dated turn out transgender. And for the third side of this, one of the guys I dated was gay. He kissed me and I sort of knew——-but this was back in ‘69 and I was 17 and didn’t know a heck of a lot, but I knew that he was not sexually attracted to me, in spite of all his comments that indicated he thought I was very attractive, but there is a difference between thinking someone is attractive and *feeling* attracted. But we stayed friends. He died of AIDS.
Anyway, I really understand how a gay guy, in 1970—about now would marry a woman. Heck, is the other option, the one my friend picked before AIDS was even known, and died of AIDS, a better choice? There were NO good choices. Even my niece who only came out 10 years ago cut herself off from her family of origin because her TBM mother could not accept that she really was not just going through a phase, or making a bad choice.
Now, the rest s just me asking questions, so correct me if I say something insensitive, cause I feel some confusion.
So, what is wrong when a woman is kissed by a gay guy and doesn’t realize something is wrong? Or has sex with him and he isn’t quite not it?
My SIL is more damaged by the feeling that her first husband didn’t really love her, than by the fact that he eventually dumped her. She knew from the beginning something was off, because she felt “not good enough” “not attractive enough” something wrong in the marriage, but blamed herself.
With my friend, I had no clue before that kiss that he was gay. He had dated a close friend and when he broke up with her, he kind of stuck around my small circle of friends. The girl he had started out dating started dating his best friend, so we just kept him and their other close friend as part of our circle. The guys brought dates and the girls would bring a date. When I didn’t have a date to bring to whatever party or dance, he took me. And by now we were pretty close what with some heavy discussions about the church, how it treated blacks, the disaster of the Indian placement program and how the church considered gay thoughts/feelings a sin. So, us dating was kind of a given. I KNEW with that first kiss, that the sexual chemistry was not there. So, what is wrong when a woman can’t tell? What is wrong with her instincts? I can kind of see what is wrong in my SIL, maybe, just guessing. it is a need to be loved that overrides her own common sense and her instincts about what love is. It is the same kind of need to be loved that makes a woman ignore red flags she actually sees about an abuser.
Anyway, anyone else have thoughts?