Letter of Belief to Family

[Linked]

Well, this got long. Any thoughts are appreciated, but don't waste an afternoon on reading it...

I've told my family of my disbelief, but in our discussions they aren't sure who I am. They are worried about me and not sure what to do with me. I want to be open with them and help them understand me and where I'm coming from. That may be impossible, because TBMs aren't known for exploring non-TBM worldviews, but I think it may be worth a shot. (On my other shoulder is another angel saying I should show them who I am by continuing to call and visit and have a normal relationship rather than beat them over the head with my viewpoint.) I would like to help them understand that there isn't a direct line from church activity to hookers and blow. Here is what I want to send them.

Hi Family,

I've spoken with each of you about my change in belief regarding the church. In my communications with each of you I've noticed a few things keep popping up. There is confusion and curiosity about what my views are now without the framework of the church. I told some of you that I can happily say that I don't know if there is a God or what happens when we die. While this is true, I still have beliefs of course. There seems to be some concern that I may be or may become anti-mormon. Another issue that comes up is an understandable concern that I am going to go off the deep end now without the commandments as handrails.


Beliefs

I reserve the right to change my beliefs at any time based on new information or understanding. I have arrived at these beliefs after many hours of consideration and some study. I don't mind if I am wrong and will happily adjust my beliefs as I understand more and better. These are some of the topics I have reconsidered. As I spent 30 years studying from a mormon perspective, I reconsidered my beliefs from that perspective. They do not agree with the church anymore. I don't think that makes me anti-mormon, but it does mean I don't espouse the faithful view.

God - I don't know if there is a God. If there is I believe it is more of a set it and forget it kind of God that set up some initial conditions, set up some rules, and hasn't interfered since then. I doubt we are created in it's image. It is less comforting than a God who knows your name and answers prayers, but if that God doesn't exist than I see no point in pretending.

Jesus - Without the Judeo-Christian God there is no divine Jesus. Maybe there was a man named Jesus who taught Christian things 2000 years ago, I'm not sure. I'm pretty sure there was a guy named Paul who spread the gospel as we know it. There was definitely a guy named Constantine who adopted Christianity to infuse life into a decaying empire.

Satan - I don't believe in Satan. I think the temptations we feel to break the commandments of the church have other causes than a devil, some of them quite reasonable.

Prophets - Without an interfering God I don't believe that people are inspired by divinity. I believe the inspiration people claim to come from divine sources is either coming from within themselves, or an exaggeration. I don't believe any of the latter day prophets, including Joseph Smith, physically saw God the Father or Jesus Christ. I believe that they may have seen them with their "spiritual eyes" or "second sight", but I believe those are their imagination.

The Book of Mormon - I believe The Book of Mormon was written by Joseph Smith, possibly with help from his scribes. I am not sure if they felt inspiration as they wrote it. I do not believe there was ever a set of gold plates with reformed Egyptian that was translated from.

D&C, PofGP - I believe the revelations in the D&C from Joseph Smith were his thoughts. I am not sure how inspired he felt as he had these thoughts. I believe The Book of Moses and the Book of Abraham were Josephs thoughts as well.

The Bible - There is more information on the sources of the bible, and I am not an expert. I think the Old Testament includes a lot of not true stories, more like myths with teaching moments. I don't know how many of Jesus stories are actually from Jesus.

The Creation - I believe our universe began with the Big Bang about 13.8 billion years ago and has followed the rules of physics to bring us to where we are today. I don't believe we have all the answers to all the questions about how it has happened, but I believe we are getting closer and closer and it is extremely exciting!

Fall and Sin - I don't believe people are fallen or in need of redemption. I think a large percentage of people need to be good, kind people for large social societies like ours to exist, and that we evolved that way. Most actions have a reasonable cause. We tend to be less kind with in-group vs. out-group thinking; we can tend to de-humanize the outgroup by turning them into a bogey-man, but I think that is also a result of our evolution. I think it would be good if everyone could consider everyone else as part of their in-group and we were kind and fair to all, but that isn't how things work at this point. This could be a long paragraph.

Faith - I believe that faith as taught in church primes people for confirmation bias, and does the opposite of the church's claim of leading people to truth. More specifically, I believe that Moroni's promise leads people to feel that what they want to believe is true is true, rather than leading people to find what is actually true. I believe that finding actual, reality based truth requires an attempt to take what you believe out of the equation.


Morals

I still have strong moral convictions. They mostly revolve around a simple idea: Help people, do not harm others, and it's okay to be happy myself. Like many people I sometimes do a better job applying that to people I see than to myself. And like many simple ideas it gets really complicated when you try to apply it to everything. I'm not sure how to show you what I now consider to be "the deep end" that I want to avoid, so I'm going to try listing out some commandments and how I follow them now.

Murder - Nope. Kill in self or family defense - yes. Avoid the situation somehow - even better.

Chastity - Consent, consent, consent. "Consent means a high five and a 'hell yeah!'" What consenting adults do with their chastity is their business. Marriage means giving the keys to your sexuality to your spouse; it doesn't mean automatic consent but it does mean you keep relations between the two of you unless your spouse consents.

Lying - Nope. You may find that hard to believe from someone who wasn't fully honest with you for the past 5 years. That was a balance of not harming DW, myself, and being honest with others that are close to me. Complicated... I would prefer a world with more transparency and honesty. A world where we don't have to wonder if we are being taken advantage of by a person, group, or company. It is very important to me to not take advantage of others and to avoid being taken advantage of myself.

Word of Wisdom - I think caffeine is ok. I think tea and coffee are not prohibited by God, nor are they particularly unhealthy. I think a drink of wine with dinner or a beer in front of the TV is not prohibited, nor a societal concern, so long as it doesn't harm others. I do think chronic drinking is bad and drinking and driving is bad. I think some recreational drugs fall in the same category as alcohol, and others may be too dangerous or addictive to touch. I think tobacco is bad, too much cancer. I don't do any of these things.

Tithing - I don't think there is a God who cares if I give the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints money.

Pet Peeves

Just a couple pet peeves I have developed. You can use these to antagonize me if you want. But they help show who I am.

"The World" - This is how we build a strawman argument for dismantling in Sunday School. There is no "The World." There are lots of people and groups with different viewpoints, but none that I have found that have the combination of awful characteristics attributed to The World. It also gets our In-Group/Out-Group juices flowing.

Rescue - The rescue is so patronizing to adults who have come to a different conclusion. There may be people who do want someone to stop by from church and help them get back, and it's great to help them. There may be someone in a dire situation that needs your help. But for those who genuinely don't agree this is offensive.

The use of the word "Know" at church - It reminds me of when my 6 year old tells me he knows he is the fastest person on earth, as fast as light. Saying "know" more seriously doesn't make a statement any more or less true.

[2bizE]

So to recap your thoughts, religion is just all made up. Yep.

[MalcolmVillager]

This is amazing. I could have written essentially the same things (if I had your knack for composition). I think if you have had personal conversations these sort of letters can be effective. They do document your moving opinions and cement them in stone. You will not control the copies that others can keep forever.

That being said, I don't think anything you said paints you into corners the way the COJCOLDS has done on many topics.

Let is know the outcome if you send it.

[Give It Time]

Linked,

I didn't read the whole thing, because I've been asked to do something, but I'll try to dash this off quickly. I remember when I first had my religion crisis, the thoughts your family express about you are exactly the same thoughts I had about myself: who am I? I was worried about who I was. I didn't know what to do with myself.

I came here and started unpacking all those questions and examining them. It took a long time. I'm still examining them. I also realize there are questions to which I may not find the answer. I've become okay with that.

Your family is doing with you what we've had to do with ourselves.

What you've explained to them is pretty detailed and well thought out, but also pretty edited so we not to overwhelm out scare them.

This is a lot.

It will take them awhile to go through this process with you and where you fit in their eternities. They may reconcile it all. They may not.

All I can say is...

Give It Time.