I can no longer remain silent

[NOWmormon]

My name is Scott, a lifetime member of the church.

In recent years, the Church has added controversial content on the official church website lds.org, in an effort towards more transparency regarding its history.
Much of this information is new to me, let alone shocking.

Particularly, that the founder Joseph Smith:
-Married multiple women
-As young as 14 years old
-Had sexual relations with some of them
-While some were already married to other men
-And his wife, Emma, did not know about all of them.

After a half century as a member of the Church, I am finally being told what Church leadership had known for almost two centuries.
Because they hid so much from me, I feel betrayed, deceived and hurt.

I suffer Mormon wounds.

I am a NOW Mormon (Neglected Or Wounded Mormon).

And I know that I am not alone.

Are you a NOW Mormon?

[Newme]

Because they hid so much from me, I feel betrayed, deceived and hurt.

I suffer Mormon wounds.

I am a NOW Mormon (Neglected Or Wounded Mormon).

And I know that I am not alone.

Are you a NOW Mormon?

I know what you mean and I have had my share of neglect and wounds, but I'm a strong believer that whatever I say I am, I will become more that to some degree just for having labeled myself as such.

There are some things that still bother me - still hurt. But some things (like his-story) that I simply don't have emotional energy to waste on. That was then, this is now. Some crazy things have happened in the past - everyone's. I'm not my past, though it surely has contributed to the culmination of who I am now.

Anyway, I hope you remember that you are not alone. It feels that way, but really, there are more of us NOMS than apparent, considering that up to about 70% of Mormons are inactive, and who knows how many who are active and do not agree with every single aspect of the church!

[achilles]

I'm sorry Scott. It sucks.

You'll be happy to know (maybe) that even though it hurts, we survive and find joy, happiness, and meaning in life without the grand LDS narrative.

[2bizE]

My name is Scott, a lifetime member of the church.

In recent years, the Church has added controversial content on the official church website lds.org, in an effort towards more transparency regarding its history.
Much of this information is new to me, let alone shocking.

Particularly, that the founder Joseph Smith:
-Married multiple women
-As young as 14 years old
-Had sexual relations with some of them
-While some were already married to other men
-And his wife, Emma, did not know about all of them.

After a half century as a member of the Church, I am finally being told what Church leadership had known for almost two centuries.
Because they hid so much from me, I feel betrayed, deceived and hurt.

I suffer Mormon wounds.

I am a NOW Mormon (Neglected Or Wounded Mormon).

And I know that I am not alone.

Are you a NOW Mormon?

Welcome to NOM Scott. You will find people willing to help carry your burdens, listen to your ideas and concerns, and understand your grievances unlike most other places. What you describe as historical issues are problems almost all of us here have faced. Some longer than others.
While you are interested in finding more truths, let me give you a few areas to look:
1) all 11 of the essays
2) Google Lowry Nelson and read his letters to George Albert Smith after you have read Race and the priesthood essay.
3) Rough Stone Rolling book
That should get you started...there is so much more.

[20/20hind]

Been through it all. What you feel normal. No one likes to be lied to. Thats what this church did and still does.

But what matters most, now that you have found the deception, you take back your power and control. You are are free to live your life within the bounds you set. Not some church that claims authority over you. It is a good feeling once you get over the initial phase.

Good luck with everything.

[MalcolmVillager]

Welcome to the group. This sucks. The dishonesty and insincerity is maddening.

It is amazing how we all took it hook line and sinker for so long! With the scales or blinders off, it is so obvious!

[Red Ryder]

Welcome to the rabbit hole Scott! Is your last name Lloyd by chance!

Your among friends here who have been down this path before. We offer support, empathy, and mormon history mixed with some Penguin humor and whatever we call Kori's tripe these days!

The best advice is to find out what's next in your life and go do that. Replacement therapy is the best kind of exit out of Mormonism. You'll have more time AND money!

[Corsair]

I am a NOW Mormon (Neglected Or Wounded Mormon).

And I know that I am not alone.

Are you a NOW Mormon?

Yes, largely. But mostly it's just dealing with grinding boredom and irrelevance. I'm in the perfect demographic for success in the LDS church (white, male, married, educated, four children) but I am not on the leadership path that the church would prefer for me. The LDS church is dragging a lot of historical baggage that still shows up in policies today. This is magnified by a mandated organizational conformity that allows for so little adaptation at the local level.

The attitude I recommend towards the church is indifference. I don't get mad at the LDS church any more. I'm just bored with it and prefer to spend my time pursuing better goals for family, career, and hobbies.

[Mad Jax]

I am a NOW Mormon (Neglected Or Wounded Mormon).

And I know that I am not alone.

Are you a NOW Mormon?

No. Just someone who found their rationalizations for the existence of a deity weren't defensible.

But we all come here via different paths. Some are more similar to others but none are exactly the same. If this place works as a retreat I encourage your presence.

[Korihor]

Welcome NOWmormon, I can relate to a lot of what you say. I was unknowingly wounded by the church, and some more of those wounds were recently discovered. It's the gift that keeps on giving.

I look forward to hearing more from you. I love your intro story.

[Charlotte]

Particularly, that the founder Joseph Smith:
-Married multiple women
-As young as 14 years old
-Had sexual relations with some of them
-While some were already married to other men
-And his wife, Emma, did not know about all of them.

After a half century as a member of the Church, I am finally being told what Church leadership had known for almost two centuries.
Because they hid so much from me, I feel betrayed, deceived and hurt.

The revelations were upsetting, but I think that way deep down I always knew it was possible that they were true. The thing that I've never recovered from is them saying in the (pernicious) essay that God commanded it all.

Maybe they are also kind of wounded and flailing, but, for me, the Nauvoo polygamy essay was the beginning of ... the end? I'm not sure, since I'm active, pay tithing and hold callings. But I'm a shell of the member I was.

And I know that I am not alone.

You're not. That's the good news/bad news aspect of this.

[NOWmormon]

Thank you everyone for the support......more to come.

[Red Ryder]

I liked some of the responses you got on the LDS Freedom Forum.

https://www.ldsfreedomforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=45400

I didn't know Mary was 13 or 14 when she was pregnant with Jesus. Yikes!

[RubinHighlander]

Welcome brother Scott! Indeed I felt much pain as I discovered what the leadership had hidden away and what they had preached to me all my many years in the church via their correlated manuals, institutes and films.

Polygamy was a big one, but even bigger than that was the First Vision. I went on a mission in the mid 80's and it was all about the FV! We showed that film 100s of times, it was the cornerstone of our conversion efforts. Then I find out there were not only several versions, but only one partially written directly by JS and that the FV was barely mentioned in the early days of his ministry. This was one big slap in my face among so very many more.

I empathize with all the pain you are going through now! Someday you can reach escape velocity, I testify to you in all sincerity that life is so much better once you unplug from the matrix and live life the way a human should, not being controlled by a corporation! I admonish you to take the red pill. All we offer here on NOM is the truth...well, actually quite a bit more than that; it's a valuable resource and support group.

[Enoch Witty]

I liked some of the responses you got on the LDS Freedom Forum.

https://www.ldsfreedomforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=45400

I didn't know Mary was 13 or 14 when she was pregnant with Jesus. Yikes!

Jeez, this is giving me Mormon flashbacks. Dislike.

[Rebel]

Welcome Scott : for me the wounds never healed only got worse which I attribute to my wife who is a TBM .. My wounds cannot heal because I find the whole doctrine to not be true !!!! I am a Christian through and through but do not believe in the Mormon BS . I guess I would be ok in a non denom Christian church . No one likes to be lied too especially not myself it hurts , it hurts a lot , hang in there it gets better with time and when you come to terms with it.

[Random]

My name is Scott, a lifetime member of the church.

In recent years, the Church has added controversial content on the official church website lds.org, in an effort towards more transparency regarding its history.
Much of this information is new to me, let alone shocking.
. . .
I suffer Mormon wounds.

I am a NOW Mormon (Neglected Or Wounded Mormon).

And I know that I am not alone.

Are you a NOW Mormon?

I liked some of the responses you got on the LDS Freedom Forum.

https://www.ldsfreedomforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=45400

So, you were the person I sent an email to on LDSFF, Scott? I'm glad you're over here. I'm guessing you were probably over here before I recommended this site to you. I'm sure this is a much better fit, considering some of the things that were said to you in that thread.

[NOWmormon]

My name is Scott, a lifetime member of the church.

In recent years, the Church has added controversial content on the official church website lds.org, in an effort towards more transparency regarding its history.
Much of this information is new to me, let alone shocking.
. . .
I suffer Mormon wounds.

I am a NOW Mormon (Neglected Or Wounded Mormon).

And I know that I am not alone.

Are you a NOW Mormon?

I liked some of the responses you got on the LDS Freedom Forum.

https://www.ldsfreedomforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=45400

So, you were the person I sent an email to on LDSFF, Scott? I'm glad you're over here. I'm guessing you were probably over here before I recommended this site to you. I'm sure this is a much better fit, considering some of the things that were said to you in that thread.

Thank you.
Yep, still finding my way.