A rare visit to church

[Fifi de la Vergne]

I've only been to church a couple of times in the last 2-3 years. I'm not outspoken or beligerent, just quietly stubborn.

Yesterday I attended an Eagle Scout court of honor for a young man, a neighbor who my kids have grown up with. I wanted to support him and his family.

I did not feel a part of the community (which didn't surprise me) and I didn't miss it at all (which did surprise me a bit). I felt very put off by the overwhelmingly masculine flavor of the event, especially as I watched the women running around attending to all the details of food, decorations etc.

People were mostly unsure what to say to me once they'd expressed how much they've missed me...no questions about what I've been doing or how I've been. It was obvious that they felt my absence from church is a shameful thing, which I found mildly amusing.

I went back to work about the time I stopped attending church, and what surprised me most yesterday is how much more comfortable I am with my work community than I am with these church members. Also how much more interesting I find conversations at work than any I heard or took part in yesterday.

These aren't big revelations, but just a few observations I thought I'd share. I think it means that I've moved on even more than I had realized, and that was a happy discovery.

[Hagoth]

Thanks for the update, Fifi. It's always good to hear from you. I'm happy for your progress.

[AzCommando]

It was obvious that they felt my absence from church is a shameful thing, which I found mildly amusing.

I enjoyed reading and yes, predictable behavior, as we all know from years of belonging to the Cult. Amusing indeed.

[StarbucksMom]

It's great to hear from you Fifi, thanks for the update.

I did not feel a part of the community (which didn't surprise me) and I didn't miss it at all (which did surprise me a bit).
I went back to work about the time I stopped attending church, and what surprised me most yesterday is how much more comfortable I am with my work community than I am with these church members. Also how much more interesting I find conversations at work than any I heard or took part in yesterday.

These aren't big revelations, but just a few observations I thought I'd share. I think it means that I've moved on even more than I had realized, and that was a happy discovery.

I can really relate to not feeling connected with Mormons any more, and having more to talk about with my other friends and co-workers. I will admit that it's partly my fault, I distanced myself from my LDS community as I became less active. If I am being honest it had a lot to do with knowing people were judging me/talking about me behind my back, and not wanting to deal with what I felt was fake nice-ness.

[Margarita]

I have only been back to LDS Chapels for a few funerals in the past few years. It feels like I am in a foreign country. Has anyone noticed that there is a "smell"to it too..like going back to an old grade school. I get it..there is no going back and the person that used to be there every week and then some is no longer there. It is a crazy feeling..and then sometimes sad because there are things you really want to remember because it is a part of you somehow.

[Newme]

It was obvious that they felt my absence from church is a shameful thing, which I found mildly amusing.

I suppose many of us used to go along with the shaming simply for not going to church (despite no official commandment to ).
However, I found myself recently really surprised by it. A woman was pitying a girl we both knew by saying both of her parents have problems. I knew her dad has cancer, and I knew that her mom was kind of NOM, but I still didn't understand why her mom was causing this girl as much problems as her dad having cancer. So, I asked (thinking maybe she knew something I didn't) - "what's wrong with her mom?" She kind of whispered, "You know, she's inactive."

I was amazed she kind of compared the two.

[MerrieMiss]

These aren't big revelations, but just a few observations I thought I'd share. I think it means that I've moved on even more than I had realized, and that was a happy discovery.

That sounds like a very pleasant discovery. I try to sit back and watch church from afar, but I'm really still too close to it. I know going to another church wouldn't aggravate me as much as attending LDS services does. It's far too personal. Thanks for the observation that the growing distance does in fact happen. I hope to get there someday too.